super, gurl!

a recent conversation with a friend set me thinking. we were discussing life. and how to manage etc *d usual "i'm-feeling-blue" topics* when she said, "u'll manage. u're superwoman." i don't think she meant it, actually. so i pushed it back to a corner of my mind. but well, in a conversation with hubby yesterday, he said something identical.
hmm... due to lack of other interesting pursuits, it set me thinking. am i actually as efficient as i seem to be? or am i just extremely adept at making people believe i am? or is it just another way to get me to do things he doesn't want to do? *this, pertaining ONLY to hubby*

today, i chanced upon this quiz which apparently tells u what superhero/heroine you are. and here're my results.

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl 100% Superman 85% Wonder Woman 85% Robin 70% Green Lantern 70% The Flash 60% Hulk 50% Catwoman 45% Batman 45% Spider-Man 40% Iron Man 25%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...


so... am i actually that kewl?
to be honest, i know the answer. i'm not. i'm no superwoman/girl. i'm just good ol' imperfect me. but, it sure feels good to know that i can fake it as supergirl in a quiz! ;)

P.S.: note that it doesn't say superWOMAN! hmm... need to work on that, do i?

happy endings

there's something about reading, light fluffy novels that can't be matched by anything else. i don't mean the mills & boons kind. i've only read one of those in my entire life. couldn't get myself to pick another! i mean, books like girl alone, piece of cake, if andy warhol had a girlfriend, his & hers, tuesday's child etc etc.

there's something so heartwarming about these stories. something that is so "relatable." *i know that aint a word, but i like it!* some point where i can connect and feel "been there, done that." they serve multiple functions. they uplift my mood *if i'm feeling a tad blue*, they help me reflect *if i'm feeling shallow*, they help me get lost in a different world & snap back to mine with amazing ease. they're easy to read, usually have big font & good spacing *a fren of mine told me that was crucial if he were to read a book!*, they don't even take too much time to read.
there was a time when i used to carry these books with me while traveling; so i could read them on flights. they ensured that by the time i landed, i was in a cheery, good mood.

and of course, they all have happy endings. the protagonist finds d "true love" that she's been looking for thru the book, all problems solved. somewhat like a true bollywood flick. i noticed that most typical bollywood movies *that I like* have happy endings. d 'happily-ever-after' kinds.

but then, that's what entertainment is to me. don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like meaningful books or movies. just that, there're times when u just want to leave everything behind and feel good for sometime. when u want to believe that everything will work out, that life will sort itself. only a light movie or book can tide me out of those times.
no wonder i love them so.

and as we near the end of another beautiful year, *it HAS been good to me* that's what i want to look forward. to another happy ending.

Merry X'mas!

...single & rocking!

was watching sex & d city y'day. i'd never seen it before, but now that i'm catching up on that, i realise why it was such a huge success. if u live in a place like bbay, u can SO relate to carrie bradshaw & her friends. more so, if u're a single woman in the big bad city.
maybe the sexual escapades are magnified to suit NY/America or the audience preferences *whichever!*, but the overall thread of the serial is SO relatable! it eerily makes me miss my hey days. when i was single, footloose & fancyfree!

i miss all those vodka-with-sprite/tequila shot evenings. i miss the days we've walked, talked, walked-d-talk, danced till the wee hours of the morning, fought for "mirror space" in discs *poly's, club 9, goa...*, drunk ourselves silly, cried openly, laughed *with or without reason*, reflected on the past, wondered about the future, tried to figure out life & it's myriad complications, ordered ice-creams past mid-night *ONLY to see if they deliver at that hour*, flirted just for d sake of flirting, teased each other over non-existent crushes, hated each other, loved each other, watched each others' backs all the time...

we've been envied by other not-so-single women. we've, at times, envied those women. wanted to know what it's like to be in their shoes. waited for our prince charming to come driving by *who wud wanna get on a horse in bbay?* & sweep us off our feet! and still wanting to retain our independence. the working hard, so we could party harder! partying till the wee hours of the morning only to be in at work, alert & fresh by 9:00 the next morning. sharing our darkest secrets, laughing at jokes only we understand, going clothes shopping during lunch hours, *after eating, of course!* so you cud party at night post work. the nautankii that passed off for attitude. the attitude, which passed off as nautanki! it seems like such a long time ago. almost a different day & age. and maybe, it was. but the memories will always be as fresh in my mind. and they transport me to a time when i could be *and was* reckless, carefree and single.

as john lennon once said: "life is what happens to you when u're busy making other plans." life may be very different now, and i will never be single again. but those days will always be missed.

p.s.: this piece is dedicated to V. life wouldn't be the same without you. u rock, babes!

a li'l same, a li'l different.

looking back at the time when i was 10 or 12... i think: i'm so different now! i've grown up... i don't know, for sure. am i really a different person? let's see.

then: i heard everyone out, and did exactly what i thought i should do.
now: ditto. except that everyone has figured out i'll do exactly what i want. so, i get lesser advice.
then: i realised that u can't have everyone like or agree with u all the time.
now: i just don't care if anyone agrees with me or likes me.
then: education was important. i had to study if i wanted to do well in life.
now: i've realised that beyond a point, u're on ur own. no educational brand can do anything for u. it does give u perspective, though.
then: i was a pure romantic. believed ardently that there is only one true love.
now: i think love is a very loosely used term. it has so many meanings. i'm not sure i know all of them.
then: relationships were simple. u either like a person or don't.
now: there's LOTS of grey. in every person; in yourself; in every r'ship.
then: raindrops brought a smile to my face.
now: raindrops sometimes bring a tear to my eye as well.
then: i had a lot of friends; some often let me down.
now: i've learnt to distinguish between friends & acquaintances.
then: i looked forward to growing up.
now: i want to bring out the kid in me more often.
then: dressing up meant a nice outfit, good shoes and brushed hair.
now: dressing up means working on my hair long enuf that they don't look 'worked on' *like that's possible with my tresses!*, an outfit which fits well, looks chic, suits the occasion and looks good on u without making you seem overdressed or overweight AND co-ordinated footwear.
then: i wanted to become a vet & marry a stud-farm owner!
now: i'm married to a vet virologist & he's FAR from owning a stud farm. and no, i am not a vet!
then: good treats were chocolates. the darker, the better!
now: nothing beats a good pastry & coffee. dark chocolates are in-between-meals treats!
then: guilty pleasure was snooping in the fridge behind ma's back & sneaking a bite off the yummy pudding in there!
now: no comments!!

life has changed. i guess, i have adapted. not changed. maybe, the core of who you are doesn't change. you merely adjust your exterior layers to suit whatever situations you're going through. and u learn. a different truth. everyday.

just a year ago...

last year this time:
- i did not know how to light the gas. *the match or lighter, for that matter*
- i had stepped into the kitchen only to get myself a drink *water or coke, essentially* or chat with ma while she whipped up a delish meal for moi. *now, i hv reached a stage, where i can manage a 4-course meal*
- 11.00 p.m. was not bed time. it was time to connect with regional clients on content plans, daily/weekly/monthly numbers & sorting out next day's content deliveries accordingly.
- T-Series could dish out the crappiest music, i'd STILL listen to it. insist my friends hear it too. AND quiz auto/cab drivers abt what content they'd like on their phones! *gosh! i needed a shrink, eh?*
- i had no time to think of whether i really liked what i did. *that kept me happy, trust me!*
- i had no time to look for a new job.
- if someone had told me i'd be married this time next year and leave the country, i'd have laughed my head off.
- 'chicken' were produced so i could eat them. ONLY. bird flu or no bird flu!
- most married women would have eyed me suspiciously if i were caught talking to their men.
- i didn't have a blog.
- i had neither the time nor the inclination to consider joining a networking site.
- if someone had told me i'll enjoy being unemployed for over 6 months at a stretch, i'd have made them rinse their mouth immediately.
- i had never done my dishes and/or laundry myself.
- i had never shared my room with anyone. leave alone, an entire house!
- i had never used someone else's credit card to shop for myself.
- x'mas was only a GOOD one-day off, when i could hang out at crossword!
- butter paneer & lachcha paratha was an ideal, daily lunch.
- i weighed under 50 kgs!

so much has changed in less than a year! wonder how much will change in the next one... whatever it is, the past year was good. very good. and hopefully, so will the next be.

to happy memories...

... calvin has re-opened my eyes to d basic reality of life...
i want to look back & have happy, really happy memories. of having lived my life, my way.

today's a beautiful day! and off i go creating & collecting memories that'll last me a lifetime.
job, or no job!

hero worship

background: we were watching a daily soap; where d protagonist, michael krieger, is a virologist. he "provides" viruses for biological warfare. he uses humans to test these viruses. and has recently hired a rather hot-looking bodyguard for his girlfriend.

me: wow! why don't u do something that's this cool?
vin: that's exactly what i do.
me: u create viruses?
vin: yes? u know that?!?
me: then how is it that krieger lives in a sprawling mansion & we live here??
vin: he's into biological warfare. he owns the lab. and has pots of black money. i work at the lab. and pay my taxes. and also, i would prefer using viruses for positive, more uplifting purposes.
me: like making money?
vin: that, too. eventually. but fighting illness was more like what i had in mind.
me: do u test on humans too?
vin: NO! i work on avian viruses. we test on chickens. u've been to the lab!
me: yeah. but i thought, rather hoped, that there was more that u haven't told me.
vin: u WANT me to be "evil"? so u can then, show me the path to "goodness & humanity"?
me: no! i really don't care. i just was hoping u'd hire a bodyguard like jack for me someday!
vin: so u can have a fling with him while i attempt to save the world?
me: oh, my hero! u can even read my mind now!?

i am

i am ambitious
- i want to make purrfect chapatis from granulated, dark-brown, whole-grain wheat atta. *this, when i've recently learnt to cook*
- i want to make a 7-course meal for new years.
- i want to be "employed" by april.
- i want to write a book someday.

i am cute
- i comment on peoples appearances/behaviour *i'm politically correct, tho* and when they over-hear, give them a puppy-face and say "that was a compliment". and they say "thank you" with a broad smile.
- i can carry off a 'two-pony-tails' look even today!
- i don't call hubby when he's at work even if i get locked out of d house. *i don't like disturbing him*
- i've already made my 'naughty or nice' list for santa and placed it in a stocking near a x'mas tree.

i am mean
- i make hubby cook on weekends.
- hubby has to mail me a report on if & why he needs to work on a weekend. in excel. on friday evening. THEN, i check it for formatting & typos!
- i don't call/talk/mail people i do not like/get along with. *the list's pretty long!* i don't even answer their calls if they attempt calling me.

i am a dreamer
- i dream of spending every alternate weekend watching the sunset over the beach. with hubby.
- i dream of achieving the balance between a happy personal & a successful professional life. *yeah, i live in utopia*
- i dream of catching santa red-handed when he drops down d chimney on x'mas!
- i dream of how much fun my close frenz would have, were they to come over to visit me.

i am myself. the way only i can be.

JOB Inc.com

i recently discovered that it's difficult to look for a job. it's been a week now since i posted my resume online. and nobody who's called me with a job offer wants me to stay in texas. and i refuse to leave my hubby. so i've had a depressing week of turning down job profiles i absolutely LOVED!

it's more difficult, when u haven't had to "look" for a job since u convocated *i hate saying "passed out!" i didn't "pass out", i walked out!* it's never been difficult in the past 4 odd years. maybe coz i stayed at the hub *bbay*, where if i quit one job, i had 4 others in the pipeline, waiting to be signed on. maybe because i worked in a niche, growing industry. maybe because i already dealt with my future recruiters & they'd be more than happy to have me on their side. *that's what we use our "communication management" for, i guess!*
now, it suddenly seems SO different. and difficult. and that's because:
a. i don't have a network here.
b. i barely understand their accents. *i follow if i'm face-to-face with them; phone calls are difficult. really difficult.*
c. i can't relocate. *cowboy land it is*
d. i need a visa sponsor.
e. i need to plan for a job, which i would be doing a YEAR from now! *?!?!?*
f. i don't know what i want to do. *this, has been a perpetual problem. so, can be ignored*

plus, i have no clue why i'm looking for a job. it's not that i want a job. but yeah, i might want it after a year. hmm... i hadn't thought so much even before deciding to get married! i'm impulsive. i haven't ever been able to plan things & execute those plans. *that's not a gr8 thing to say when u're looking for a job, is it?*

now, all i can do is hope that my half-hearted attempts at speaking to the barneys *who specified, his name was LIKE d purple dinosaurs* and lynnes and reisers and travis's bear me some results. positive ones, at that too!

'spirit'ual disappointment

me: umm... vin, did u sleep well last night?
v: yeah, why?
me: no... as in, had u woken up last night? after i fell asleep?
v: any reason for the early morning interrogation? i thought u were "slow" in d mornings?!
me: yeah, but u know, there's something strange going on.
v: besides the early morning questioning?
me: i remember having kept the chocolate eclairs back in the fridge before sleeping last night.
v: and?
me: and... the entire plate is on the couch right now! and there's only ONE eclair left!
v: hmm... u count the eclairs?
me: the door was double-locked. nobody could've gotten it either. remember this had happened last week also?
v: *suddenly, VERY interested* we'd got chocolate eclairs last week?
me: tch.. no! the brownie plate was out! don't u r'ber? u said i must've forgotten to put it back?
v: *losing interest again* oh... that!
me: maybe this house is haunted! do you believe in spirits?
v: the kinds u drink? yes! bring them on! but isn't it early for that? i also have to leave, u know!
me: no, silly... the other kinds. the kinds who haunt others. haven't u seen any ghost movies? ghostbusters?? the kind of spirits who're sometimes good, sometimes evil...
v: the hungry kinds who eat chocolate eclairs & brownies on our couch? yeah, rite! i sure do!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
turns out, the "spirit" in my house happens to be my dear hubby who refuses desert coz he's brushed his teeth before i remind him to have desert. so he wakes up in the night, eats some, while watching 'that 70's show' *which is aired at 1.30 am for some strange reason!* and as is his habit, forgets to put them back in place! and i thought we had our own pet 'spirit'! how disappointing...!

what's in a name?

i've never understood the ritual of women having to change their surnames after getting married. i'd rather, that this be a matter of individual choice. much like religion or faith. isn't it as personal anyways?

don't get me wrong, i'm not a feminist. i don't have anything against being one either, just that i can't see their point of view. i'd rather have my man open the door for me, pull a chair for me, kill d roaches/insects, move furniture et al... but i'm digressing, as usual! i was thinking... & talking... of changing my surname. of adopting hubby's surname. and then, i thought again.
it's just that i've been known forever with my original name. that includes my surname. it's a part of my identity. like my eye-color or my fingerprints. i can't change these *we aren't talking color contact lenses here* so why should i be expected to change my surname? more so, if u're as non-communicative as i am... half the people in your life wouldn't know that u've tied the knot, *this includes people i genuinely love* it would make it really difficult for them to get in touch with me!

and no, i don't even want to suffix his surname to mine. that just makes my name longer. MUCH longer. i don't have d patience to write it out.

besides, ALL d documents i'd have to get changed! passport, visa, I-20, driving license, ration card, e-mail id *this is the scariest!!*... the list seems endless. and the procedures for all of these would be endless too! just thinking of it gives me the creeps!

considering all this, *and other unseen, un-thought-of factors* i would still like to retain my name. and anyways, what's in a name, rite?!

random notes to myself

some things i don't want to forget. ever. in other words, gyaan that I need to remember:

- never forget your obligations. always be there for people who've been there for you through your lows.
- adapt to changing circumstances. life changes, change with it. the more you resist, the worse it'll get.
- take responsibility for your actions. even at times, when u know you can get away with it. more so, at such times. it develops your character.
- have faith. belief isn't enough, at times, if you've got to get through life. you need faith! it CAN move mountains!
- be happy. at the end of the day, nothing else matters. and no, i'm not saying be selfish. sometimes, seeing someone you love happy, may make you feel happier than anything you might do for yourself. you may not be happy everyday -- but u can try!
- stay in shape. otherwise, someday, you're going to look back at older pics & feel "gosh! did i ever look so good?!"
- travel. seeing the world, interacting with different cultures/people lends you a different perspective. broadens the way you think.
- travel light. it always comes handy.
- be open minded. but not so open-minded, that ur brains fall out of your ears! find the balance. and stick to it.
- always, ALWAYS, make time for yourself. you MUST have a life. irrespective of what you do or how much you earn. have a few passions, which'll keep you alive.
- never forget: nothing and nobody is indispensable. you lived before this experience. you will live after it, as well. the way you live might change, but this change is usually, for the better. it makes you stronger - always!
- don't let anybody take you for granted. EVER.
- be grateful for everything you have. there are lots of people who'd do anything to be in your place. this doesn't mean, don't strive for more. do that. it helps to have some ambition. but acknowledge & appreciate what you have.
- never say NEVER. u'll inadvertently end up doing exactly what u "never" wished to do! that's life.

purrfect child?

post-dinner conversation with hubby. hubby was working on something to do with DNA alterations *in chicken, not humans!*. the type of stuff that alters the behavioural patterns of virus or some such!

me: u could modify the DNA of our children & customise them to look the way we want them to?
v: yeah, i could.
me: hmm... so we could have blonde, blue-eyed kids?
v: we could. yes.
me: would the kid have the intellect of a blonde too?
v: i could change that as well.
me: so, we could have a kid who looks like george clooney or cameron diaz, have the business acumen of bill gates and is nothing like either of us or our families?
v: yeah we could. do you want to?
me: umm... have a child or customise him/her?
v: customise the child WHEN we want to have one
me: on second thoughts. NO!
v: y? don't want a perfect child?
me: yeah!perfection scares me. makes me feel like there's something wrong, but i can't put my finger on it!

disclaimer: i'm not sure hubby was serious about the fact that he CAN carry off such alterations. he's a vet virologist, shouldn't trust him with human babies!

memories 4m mumbai...

bbay, to me, will always be divided into segments.

the initial impression: i hated the city. there were too many people all over the place all the time! for a person like me, who needed all the space in the world, this definitely was claustrophobic! i was afraid that if i stayed here long enough, i'd become one of these people. a nameless face, a faceless name - with no identity. just hurtling along like cattle. i was so mistaken!

the wonder years: when i wondered about how amazing a city bbay was. wonder where else would i have found such amazing friends. where else would i be able to live my life, my way, and yet be amongst people. live with people, but not by them! i loved the space the city was giving me... despite the crowds.
- loved the anonymity that the city offered. loved the spirit, the soul of mumbai.
- loved the shopping sprees with close frens.
- the walks down marine drive *if u haven't walked down this path in the monsoons, u haven't really lived*
- the parks at breach candy where the waves crash onto the rocks
- hanging out at toto's, papa pancho, 5 spice, cha bar, brownie point... office parties with vodka shots in syringes, dancing like crazy to stoopid bollywood numbers at enigma & firang songs @ polys!
- spending entire days at crossword @ juhu/kemps corner *reading, browsing, buying, sorting out my head*
- barista : the daily visits. where else would they "reserve" the last slice of apple cake for you, because they knew you'd come in & ask for it! *i still think they should get the mocha pastry back!*
- the walks down kala ghoda over an extended lunch hour!
- taking the 9.06 to VT every day for 3 months. meeting my then colleague, now bestest friend on it.
- the food: the INR 1/- lunches at times house, the aam ras & sabudana khichadi *without dhaniya* at vitthal's, the wok @ noodle bar, the pasta at bbay blues, noorani's biryani, maaji saagar's schezwan dosa & cheese chutney s/w, shiv sagar's paneer dosa... truly wonderful!

the adoption: whether the city adopted me or i adopted the city is a question i may never be able to answer. but i know that i now have the city imbibed on my soul! this phase, i dedicate largely to hungama! the time when i truly fell in love with bbay. i could also dedicate it to the floods! but no, hungama's a less depressing alternative.
- the cabs/autos. cab-drivers, the beggar woman @ d linking road signal, agarbattis in cabs, bhojpuri music, t-series music, inane conversations with cabbies - all inclusive!
- HUTCH! not only for the amazing ability to drop calls or go out of coverage area when i most needed the phone, but for being my most memorable client. i guess, i made more friends than clients with them. and yeah, i do miss them!
- the obsession to watching only those movies to which we *hungama* had the rights! ended up watching lucky, HDKG, ABA AND aksar! actually, enjoyed all three! :)) also, was an emraan hashmi/celina jaitley fan! *heyy! they got downloads!!*
- the food again: moshe's. lazy sunday afternoons. love the place & d deserts! dal & chicken at mista paaji, the pronto's al fredo pasta & chocolate mousse, lachcha paratha & paneer from home deli, parle G. *gosh! i'm obsessed with food!*
- the memorable hungama offc party. *they should have them more often*
- sports bar. for all the wonderful evenings spent there. the client meetings i had there. the lunches we went for. the freebies they gave us.

to all of you who made these segments possible. love you all! always will.

...A for anecdotes!

anecdote I: conversation between my 3 year old nephew, A, & his dad.
A had borrowed his friend's batman figurine to play with. in the evening, his dad asked him to return it to the rightful owner.
A: *handing over d figurine to his dad* u make a copy of it. then i'll return it.
D: *perplexed* how do i make a copy of it?
A: *matter-of-factly* use the computer.
D: what?!?
A: *frustrated, at having to explain such simple things!* tch! make a copy on the computer. so i can then take it whenever i want, without having to ask my friend for it.

anecdote II: same nephew was wearing his pants really, REALLY low *the way 16+ yr olds wear it here. so that their undies are visible*. his mom pulled them up. he pulled them down again. this happened two more times, when his mom asked him why he was doing it. he says "that's the way i want to wear them. u don't know. it's cool". need i repeat, he's 3 years old!?

anecdote III: Santa gifted 'A' a boat at his school X'mas party. one of his class-mates asked to play with his new toy. A looked at him, and confidently told him "I would love to give it to you. But Santa told me not to share it with anyone."

anecdote IV: 'A' returned from school. his father noticed that he was hiding something in his shirt-pocket. when asked to be shown what it was, A refused, and kept hiding. then, A spotted his mother peeping into his pocket discreetly, realised there was no point in hiding things anymore and pulled out a cigarette butt from his pocket. gave it to his mom and said "light it for me, please?" i repeat, he's THREE years old!

and i thought calvin was the only one!

here, kitty!

was hoping the test would tell me something i didn't know!

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat. You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way. And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

ho ho ho!!!

the other day we were dining out, and i saw a man who fit my image of santa claus to the T. except that he wasn't dressed in red & white or fur *this is texas, after all!* but were he to don santa's outfit, he'd be THE man! replace his harley with a sleigh, however! and then, it suddenly occurred to me. it's that time of the year again!

the time to take stock. have i been good? or not-so-good? will my good override my not-so-good? *i don't like to say BAD* the time to get rewarded. by none other than santa claus himself! the jolly ol' man dressed in red & white, riding over treetops in a sleigh, with rudolph galloping *does he think he's a horse??*.
i still wonder HOW santa manages to fit into the chimneys? they look awfully narrow for someone his girth! maybe, he sends one of his elves down with the gifts? hmm... possible. no wonder nobody ever spots them! i've always wanted to catch santa red-handed. WHILE he's leaving the gift behind. but i've never been able to. maybe this year!

everybody says that santa doesn't exist. i don't care. i LOVE him. i have, since i was a kid. maybe that's why the commercialisation of santa really bothers me. did you know that now it's possible to get santa to MAIL you? no, not e-mail - letter. all you need is a credit card! if you have two kids & want two letters, you'll also get a discount! he would mention your pet's name, personal details et al! he would also mail you your most-wanted x'mas present with this letter. phew! i'd have thought santa was getting lazier! or maybe rudolph is! whatever happened to "wake-up-in-the-morng, find-ur-gift?" wasn't that more fun?

and i guess that's how it'll always remain for me. being good *at least as x'mas nears!*, charting up a list of what i want for x'mas. and hoping that i live up to santa's perception of "good". otherwise, i just go out & buy my most wanted present for myself, anyways! i could always attribute it to depression, caused by santa ignoring me! ho, ho, ho!

nostalgia. shela-style!

there're some moments which redefine your life. which change you. forever.
when i think of MICA, i can never forget:

- the first shock on knowing that i would live in a place called "champa"
- the initial disgust of sharing a bathroom with strangers
- marketing strategies being discussed in bengali. *was presumed, that i, being the only non-bong member in the group would learn bengali to understand what's happening around me!*
- partying till the wee hours of the morning in a wannabe disc at ahmedabad. getting back at 6 in the morng and jumping over the gate to get in. because we were scared of thakurjii reprimanding us!
- those long, really long walks. at all hours. in shela-land! seems a completely different world now.
- those heart-to-heart chats in the fields near mica. *owe u one for those, minal! always will*
- having stones thrown at my door because someone i knew made d mistake of calling me on the landline!
- sticking post-its on ur neighbour's door to ask her to ping u on MSN/IP when she's back from a shower! also messaging her on MSN to do the same.
- the absolute embarrassment of bumping into your other neighbour's boyfriend while coming out of the bathroom in a towel at 4.30 a.m.!!
- having b'day party decor done in my room for my closest frens b'day. worrying that it won't be done before she walks in!
- cooking chicken past mid-night *i didn't cook, i was there for moral support. and the experience*
- mornings, afternoons... DAYS spent at the chhota. doing nothing. discussing everything. reaching NO conclusion. loving it.
- sitting on the ledge @ chandni.. listening to music. looking at the rain...
- wondering what life had in store for me. and my friends.
- evenings spent playing hangaroo :)
- simultaneous contrasting notes of 'piya basanti', 'do lafzon ki', 'metallica', 'bon jovi', KK, elton john...
- the clear sky. those amazing steps of champa. the bridge over the so-called canal!
- lighting a bonfire on the terrace and staying up all night to catch an early morning flight home. discussing life and everything else under the clear sky...

there's SO much that can't be put into words. the time and space, the confusion, the happiness, the innocence, the confidence, the life that made up those two years. it is unparalleled. and will remain so. always.

to all of you who made those years memorable, *can't take names, it'll fill up the blog!* i don't have words to say what you mean to me. keep the faith! i'm still the same mad gurl!

the theory of marriage

a lot of people often ask me, how did i decide to have an arranged marriage.
well, two things:
a. i did not "decide" to have one. it kind of, just happened.
b. i'm an ardent believer in arranged marriages!

actually, i wasn't always a believer. i was "brain-washed" by a friend. HE was an ardent believer in the concept. and maybe to find company, he got me hooked onto it too.

he introduced me to an interesting theory. the triangle theory! he said it's simple to decide whether you should marry someone you meet or not. no, let me clarify, this is NOT for those people who have negative auras about them! *sometimes, one glance at a person is enough to tell you that there isn't going to be another!* this is for people who you can't decide about. people you've met multiple times. and are confused whether the person is "right" for you. *mind you - RIGHT. not PERFECT. that's an over-hyped myth!*

the three angles of this triangle are formed by three core values:
i. friendship. crucial that you can be friends with the person you're going out with. there's something weird about friendship. seemingly different individuals realise that deep down they share identical values, beliefs... that they can hold conversations about any and everything. anytime. all the time.
ii. commitment. this phobia usually doesn't happen in arranged marriages. but gauging by the person's dedication to other factors in his life, *if he's passed angle i, u'll know these* you can easily know whether or not you wish to commit the rest of your life to him.
iii. passion. not all friends make good life partners. *but all life partners HAVE to be good friends* make sure u're attracted to your date. that's what could get your relationship started, at times. the other two angles would help sustenance. more or less.

this triangle can't sustain without ANY of the angles. mandatory to have all three of them. sounds simple. but is VERY difficult to meet someone who'd score a 10 on all three counts. if you find him. hang on. for dear life, hang on! it could lead to something magical! it still won't be perfect. but yeah, it'll be as near to it as it can!

p.s.: people touch your lives in the most unexpected ways. sometimes, they don't ever realise that they've made such a huge difference to your thoughts, ur life... this is to YOU. have a gr8 life!

how i love this kid!

love calvin for saying with SUCH ease, what i've been thinking about for a while now!

silly me!

usually, people grow up. and they stop being silly. that hasn't happened with me, i guess. i still believe:
- that making a smiley face on my morning coffee ensures i have a nice day.
- peterpan is out there somewhere, carrying li'l children away to his neverland.
- alice in wonderland is the most profound philosophical book. ever. *the little prince comes close, though.*
- santa claus exists! and he does grant u your wish if u're good through the year.
- every time u say 'fairies don't exist', a fairy dies. so, HUSH!
- i was a cat in my previous birth. and this is the last of my nine lives.
- there are mermaids, resting in their world, who dream of women existing in a distant world.
- everybody is inherently good. it's just the definition of good & perspectives of right & wrong that make us differ.
- carrying a rosary with me will help me ward off vampires & other evil spirits. *i carry mine everywhere with me. u never know when u bump into one!*
- a silver bullet is the only thing that can kill a werewolf. *i don't have one, though!*
- there IS a happily ever after for everyone. we just have to find it. and recognise it. and do what's required to reach out to it.

and i guess i'll believe all of this, and much more, all my life. i've always been silly!

soul searching

i have never really known the purpose of my life. neither have i thought too much about it. i only know that i have one lifetime. and i want to live it. my way. for myself. and for the people i truly love.

saw a movie yesterday, the prairie home companion. a song from it stayed on with me way after the movie ended. the chorus is like this:
"the day is short,
the nights are long;
why do u work so hard, to get, what u don't even want?!"

i know countless people - friends, acquaintances, who're SO unhappy with their jobs. i was, too at one point of time. that feeling of being "stuck" is not new to me! i've been there, gone through that.

but now i kind of realise that there's no point chasing dreams that aren't yours. you'll never believe in them. and that's why u'll never be able to achieve them. and you can't be "stuck!" u aren't a tree! go on - march to your own drum-beat. follow your heart. it'll lead you to where's right for u. had heard it lots of times. had tried it a couple of times too. and i've given it one final shot this time! and, believe me, as is said, this path is never easy. hasn't been for me.
i've left behind everything that once formed my world * trust me, i LOVED it* and drifted away to enter this new world. *but i still have my friends with me. and they always will be with me. they keep me grounded.*

am i happy? i don't know. i don't even know how one can be happy all the time! content, would be more like it. it's like an entirely new phase. even a year back, if someone had told me that i'd be enjoying this life, *staying-at-home, cooking, non-working, non-negotiating, non-aggressive lifestyle* i'd have made them rinse their mouth. with toilet disinfectant!
but life changes. and so do we. and here i am! still soul searching. still trying to figure out whether this is my final destiny. waiting to take life on as it comes! but at least now, i'm anchored. i'm at peace. and that's a long way to come. guess, there's an equally long way to go ahead, too. but i'm prepared for it.

bring it on, life! am ready for u!

hello, sunshine!

i always thought i was a huge loser! i was the only girl i knew, who had never been given flowers by anybody. not a friend, not a best friend, not a boyfriend. not even a colleague or a client. the guy i agreed to marry didn't even buy me flowers when he proposed to me! and i still said yes! i mean, what kind of a loser was i?

but all that changed. yesterday.

it was a normal day. my first surprise came when hubby decided to go & get the laundry done. by himself. WOW! i thought, is the house really so dirty that he's agreed to get out on his own? or is there some hot chick at d laundromat? but i dismissed the latter thought. u would too, if u knew my husband! i mean, the guy would probably be staring at the raven outside the laundromat & thinking of his research articles while a hot blonde would be walking past! confession - i don't know ANY other man like this. that's one reason y i married him...;) but, i'm digressing!
so we were at the point where he went to the laundromat. he ALSO agreed to do the grocery by himself. wow 2! *this is something he NEEDS his wife to be there for*

so i was home, surfing, watching t.v... getting the dinner ready as well, waiting for him to get back & the doorbell rang.

i opened the door to see my very own husband standing with a wide grin on his face & the prettiest bunch of yellow lilies!! :)
now, it may not be a big thing for u to get flowers from ur own hubby. but consider getting flowers from a husband who doesn't understand the concept of giving flowers?! i mean, c'mon, remember, nobody had EVER given me flowers?

i don't know why he got me the flowers. could it be because we scored our so-far highest on boggle today? could it be coz i kept dinner ready? *no, bozo! how could he know that?* could it be because...

heck! doesn't matter! all that matters is he got them for me. that those beautiful sunshine flowers are smiling at me today... and making me feel bright & happy! happier because they're here with NO reason. other than to make me smile!

boggle the world!

FYI - boggle is the interactive online game where u make as many 3 or more letter words from a 16 letter grid in 3 mins! larger the word, higher your score.

in the recent past - the few days that i wasn't blogging - there were rumours of me being addicted! to boggle.

of course, these were just rumours! but well, this is MY blog, so obviously, this is MY perspective! now, c'mon! only because i freak out when the laptop/internet does not function doesn't mean i'm addicted! that's a basic expectation from a developed country! i wouldn't freak out if i were back home!! i don't expect the net to work there! but here, on broadband, if i can't play boggle! WELL!!!

and why is it that i'm supposed to be addicted?

only because i feel depressed, helpless & anxious when the boggle site won't upload, doesn't mean i'm addicted.
only because i've started timing everything in units of 3 mins doesn't mean i'm addicted.
only because i know all the bit-words that can be made from my & hubby's name *umm.. .well.. also from the names of most of my friends!* doesn't mean i'm addicted!
only because i take 3 min breaks from work, play a game & then carry on, doesn't mean i'm addicted!
only because i clap my hands & smile to myself when i see my name on the top 3 *also shoot an e-mail to hubby so he can do the same* does NOT mean i'm addicted.
only because i think boggle's the best thing that happened to me since being married does NOT mean I'M addicted!
only because i forget to drink up the coffee that i've heated up for the 3rd time DOES NOT mean i'm addicted!!!

and no, i AM NOT in denial mode!!!
no, i'm not addicted. i'm just in boggle phase!

and yeah, i AM at num 1 rite now :))

disclaimer: nobody at parker brothers paid me for this. i wish they did, tho...! the game belongs to them. i'm just a fan. a big one!

a purrfect day...

8.00 a.m - wake up
9.00 a.m. - get out of bed & get some b'fast. umm.. ideal b'fast wud be a nice cheese omelette, toast & a warm *purrfectly warm - not hot, not cold* mug of good coffee
10.00 a.m. - check mail. have mails from closest friends, hubby, ma. no spam.
after 2 hours of orkutting, mailing, sending cards to pals, et al
12.00 noon - login to boggle :))
play some awesome games! score 100 & reach position 1
AND manage all of this in just abt 2 hours *each game's 3 mins, u do the math!*
14.00 - have lunch. ideal lunch would be butter chicken/paneer, tortillas & cold water. that's it. *i don't ask for much, do i?!*
14.45 - *yes, i eat slow!!* play hangaroo! :))
15.30 - go for a nice, loooonnngggg, hot shower! NOTHING is more relaxing than one of these! try it some day!
17.00 - watch the simpsons!
17.30 - good hot coffee
18.00 - watch everybody loves raymond/that 70's show *depending on what day it is!*
18.30 - hubby's home!!!! :))
19.00 - hubby cooks dinner. *which is yummy, no matter what! helps to marry a guy who can cook!*
20.00 - sit down for dinner. on the patio. table's set. all u have to do is eat!
21.30 - watch t.v. & play boggle with hubby!
23.00 - cuddle up & fall asleep.
the purrfect ending to a purrfect day!

d times - they're a changing!

sunday - woke up late. had a leisurely b'fast. played boggle, hangaroo... sunday was going the way a perfect weekend shud!
thought of calling home. checked the time. was still only 12.30! hmm... should be around 23.00 at home. okay time to call. called up.. and scared the in-laws! they wondered why i was calling them at mid-nite! mid-nite? must be some confusion. maybe they slept early... never mind.

around evening, i switched on the tube to watch 'the war at home' *which, for inexplicable reasons, i've started liking*. only to find 'the simpsons' starting off. huh? since when did they shift the timings??

went out to shop a bit. and y is the store closing down? there's an hour more till closing time.

that, is when reality struck!

the times have changed! while i slept in bliss, some unseen, unheard of devil went out & changed all the clocks of the world & forgot all about me! so here i am, in this strange land, where everybody has rewound their watches by an hour to live happily in sync with the rest of the world. while i still struggle to figure out "have the times changed?"

the grey havens

came across something that SO accurately describes what i feel like writing rite now...

still around the corner there may wait
a new road, or a secret gate;
and though I oft have passed them by,
a day will come at last when I
shall take the hidden paths that run
west of the moon, east of the sun

tolkien rocks!
don't know how, but each time i read LOTR, there's a new perspective it lends me...

to hell with shopping!

i love to believe i'm incredibly efficient. in everything i do. so, recently when i decided to go shopping, i went online, wrote down all the numbers of the dresses in which i was interested, and was ready *mentally, as well* to get them on and off to make the evening brief. *believe it or not. i'm one woman who doesn't take infinite pleasure in loooong shopping trips!*

this is why i decided i'd rather shop in b'bay!

first, the woman at the store seemed confused by the numbers. *i do NOT wish to comment on intellectual innocence in this developed country!*
me: i thought this would help you locate the dresses faster
she stared at me without ANY expression. but i never give up, do i?
me: do these numbers not help you find the dresses?
she : uh, no. cause, like, i'll have to go online & look up the dresses for you.
me: but that's exactly what I did for YOU. to save both of us time.
i give her a wide smile!
she: umm... see, i don't know about the numbers. i have to know what the dresses look like & then look them up in the racks. can you just look through this booklet and find which ones those numbers go to?
me: umm... are u telling me that u arrange the dresses NOT by the numbers allocated to them, but by HOW they look?

i guess that sentence was too long, too confusing or had too many BIG english words in it. all i got was a blank stare in return. no dress. no help.

there were TWO dresses shortlisted.
she: do u, like, want to buy them, like, now?
huh? uh, well, NO! i enjoy ascertaining the levels of daftness in developed countries! *of course, i didn't say that!!*
me: if u find them and they look good on me, i might.
she: like, uh, i'll have to find them

well THIS is a shop. YOU get commission on sales, don't ya? you have to find the dresses and let people try them on. THAT is what results in a sale. or does it work some other way 'round here?? now, i'm confused!
after sighing, shrugging, looking lost, making puppy faces - ALL of which i ignored...
she: ok. i'll do it. it is just, like, going to take awhile. but you can, like, go look at shoes or something?

WHAT? YOU are going to take more of MY time? so that YOU earn a hefty commission? WOW! i wish i had the intellectual innocence to pull that off!

needless to say, i walked out. no dress. no cure for depression.
I MISS B'BAY!!!

DO something!

picture this: it's tuesday, max wednesday. u're working. your friend calls. very excited about something. the question of the hour: "what's the plan for the weekend?"
picture this II: u walk into office on monday morning & ur team members *or others at "work"* ask "so, how was ur weekend. what did u do?"
picture this III: u're unemployed. a happy housewife *if there's anything like that. otherwise, i win the 'pioneer-of-the-term' medal* friends, family, well-wishers; all of them ask u every time you chat: "what did u do? how was the weekend?"

umm... well... i do nothing. and it is the most awesome experience! to me, at least!

why's it perceived to be so important to be doing something. all the time. i mean, how often have u got back from a lazy, idle weekend *a really peaceful one, at that too* and been interrogated by well meaning peers/friends/colleagues...

i used to dread the question "how was ur weekend?" because mine was always AWESOME if i did nothing. i mean, heyy! i LOVE doing nothing! does that make me a lesser mortal? well, if it does, so be it!

my idea of a purrfect weekend is to stay at home, eat good food *pref cooked by sum1 else*, go for a drive or a walk, read a good book with some hot chocolate/coffee and sleep early after having woken up late! hmm... wow! but i'm digressing.

y is it that people think u've had a good weekend, only if u say something like "yeah, kewl. went snorkelling/rafting/camping." or "great. partied till i crashed" or "fun. watched back2back movies, partied, went snorkelling & crashed out"
well, if i had a weekend like that, i'd be SO dead on monday, i'd probably need the week off to recuperate! besides, i wonder, why do people have so many expectations froma weekend?

must be tuff. living upto expectations. eh? i wouldn't know. haven't tried it. but i know one thing. when the grass on the other side doesn't look green, well, THAT is when u shud know NEVER to cross-over!

home, sweet home

me: am missing home.
hubby: hmm...? uh... what?
me: u never listen to me! there's no internet, so i can't talk to anyone who listens to me. i'm feeling SO isolated! what do i do?
hubby: what did u say?
*after yours truly glares at husband, he quickly retrieves *attempts to* lost ground.
no, what did u say before the long sentence...?

me: i'm missing home. *when hubby's a PHD, u don't bother glaring for too long. u just repeat!*
hubby: now?
me: yes. now! i want to go home.
hubby: u're missing home? or u want to go home?
me: i'm missing hme. that's why i want to go home!
hubby: hmm...
me: that's it? that's all u have to say?
hubby: well... what do i say. i thought u ARE at home.

that is enough. to leave me speechless. AND for a big hug!

photographic return

was about to enter the shower, when a knock on the door startled me today. we never have visitors. and unannounced, well... i never had those in india either!

peeped out thru the keyhole... couldn't see the human/creature or whatever it was... was i hallucinating? umm..no, i did sense some movement.

said one minute, rushed in, grabbed hubby's T *i don't exactly dress for company* and went out to check. could barely conceal my surprise & joy at seeing the FedEx guy at our door! yippiieee!!!! i was SO delighted to see him. i'd have invited him in for coffee if i were better dressed!

and to think of it, i almost missed him. GOSH! i would've never been able to forgive myself had i ever missed him today. never before was the FedEx guy this important in my life. been waiting for him for over a week now! yeah, not even when i was waiting for my MICA call letter had i waited so eagerly for him! *come to think of it, i don't wait for hubby so eagerly!* as soon as he'd left, i ripped open the package. i guess they take "security" to all-new standards here. the package was really, i mean, really well-bound!

struggled, struggled and then struggled some more... finally, managed to rip it open. and here it is, staring back at me with it's beautiful eye restored - our camera! the window with which we capture those little little moments which are then frozen in time & memory...

this calls for a celebration! so off i go, to warm up last nite's left-over pizza and celebrate... the return of the camera!

symptoms of becoming a housewife

- u discuss recipes with close frenz
- the sink dispenser jam is far more important than the traffic jams on the freeways
- u can't r'ber the day or date - but u r'ber when it's "grocery day"
- u buy furniture/crockery depending on how easy it would be to clean
- u look at post-its & wonder how many items of ur grocery list wud fit on one?
- u're introduced at parties as 'so-and-so's' wife
- when asked d inevitable "what do u do?", u don't know what to say. *nothing is what i usually say. and don't bother explaining! completely baffles the other person... ;)*
- on friday evening u ask hubby "u have to work tomorrow?"
- u can eat when u please, what u please, how u please
- u don't have to dress up daily
- u can have nice, loooonnnngggg showers on weekdays *without the phone/doorbell ringing or without u having to "revert" urgently to any1!
- important call means a call from ur parents or husband. or, yes, ur in-laws.
- u can watch t.v. in the afternoon on a weekday!
- u begin to enjoy "doing nothing"
- u start blogging & catching up on networking sites regularly

tishnagi - the quest continues...

how often is it that a song just stays on your mind? reflecting exactly what u're thinking at that moment. purrfect timing, eh? so let this be my "song for the day" along with my thought for the day.

mere mann yeh bataa de tu, kis or chala hai tu...
kya paaya nahi tune...
kya dhooondh raha hai tu...

jo hai unkahii, jo hai unsunii,
woh baat kya hai bataa...

if something's unheard...unsaid, how do i know what it is? is it understood? or am i just turning a blind eye to the next route i need to take...?
i have everything i ever wanted... someone who'd love me no matter what. for who i was, without wanting to change me, without compromising on his happiness. or mine.
now that i've found him and am with him, what do i now seek? will the quest ever end?


p.s.: apologies for using a "tagline" for the post. too much of bollywood does that to me.

meter down

i miss the taxis in bbay.

after spending almost 5 years, travelling by cab to & fro office, they'd become a part of my life.

there was this thing we had about finding the weirdest cabs in the entire city! with lunatics for cabbies. cabbies who would sing loudly while me & my bestest fren were trying to catch up on life outside work. cabbies who'd insist on talking to us.*while we were speaking to each other* cabbies who'd keep asking what route to take. cabbies who'd insist on listening to the radio depite being told to shut it off!

but the cabs, by themselves, belonged to musuems, not the streets! we've travelled in cabs where there was no indicator *that thingy which sez we're turning?*, no brake lights *i hoped they had brakes!!!*, cabs with HUGE, and i mean HUGE mirrors on the inside. on d ceiling & d sides! whoa! vain, i might be, but to see urself all over? *felt like u were in a sanjay leela bhansali magnum opus. minus the make-up* umm... no thanks! cabs which had pitch dark glasses *think they were used by desperate couples to make out or something*
and how can i forget, agarbattis! we had a penchant for finding cabs which had agarbattis LIT in them. and these goddamn incense sticks would keep burning till we got off outside the shady office lane! needless to say, i HATE agarbattis & all other variants of incense sticks!

and still, i miss the cabs. and the cabbies.
miss peeping out from the cab to take a peek at the hoardings, the movie posters... miss the 'bollywood-pop-quiz' played in the hour taken to reach office. most of all, i really really miss those cab-rides.

life sure was a roller-coaster ride in them. is it still the same?

filmie, very filmie

a few taglines for recent bollywood flicks that i remember.

- dil diya hai : love happens *really? does it?*
- humko deewana kar gaye : love connects *sounds more like a telecom ad. use our network, and u'll never have dropped calls or wrong numbers. love connects! phew!*
- family : ties of blood *what the #$@! *
- lucky : no time for love *maybe it shud be lucky - no time to study?*
- rocky : the rebel *oh! i thought the mountain range*
- aan : men at work *what is this? a municipality sign for viewers to take the diversion?*
- shakti : the power *may the force be with you*
- saawan : the love season *didn't know love was season-specific*
- double cross : ek dhoka *simplifying the name for the masses who can't understand english. awesome!*
- garv : pride & honour *complicating it so it can appeal to the educated class??*
- insaaf : the justice *oh yeah? i never knew! thought in-saaf was when the cleaning lady cleaned the inn*
- waqt : race against time *i am speechless!*

p.s.: i LOVE bollywood.

differently similar

he believes in 'early to bed...'. i only believe in sleeping. anytime. all the time.

he likes DVD players which play VCDs, MP3s AND DVDs. for me, a DVD player which plays a DVD is a miracle if i learn to operate it.

he thinks a cellphone is for talking only. for me, it's a basic necessity, a means of keeping in touch with the world, a communication device, a texting facility, a means of livelihood, a VAS arena & so much more!

he takes HOURS to shop for something we neither need nor want. i can go through my shopping within 20 mins. and buy everything we both would need for a month!

he loves parallel cinema. esp in diff languages. with sub-titles. show me a good masala bollywood flick anytime!

he flinches at the thought of vampires, werewolves, fairies, neverland & d like. i ardently believe in all of that and more!

he loves exercising. i don't like sweating it out.

his money is all over his pockets & his car. i keep my money neatly in my wallet.

he likes kids. i like them at a distance.

when something drops to the floor, he doesn't seem to see it. i pick it up & put it back where it came from.

he wears the same socks & Ts & uses the same towel for weeks. i flinch at the thought of it.

he doesn't notice books lying on the table when he puts down his plate on them. i notice. and get extremely livid.

he thinks deeply about everything we're about to do. i can cancel the most well-laid out plans to do something impulsively exciting!

he loves salads. i can't eat leaves.

we still love each other. deeply.

ignorance is bliss!

it's amazing to see what one can do when one doesn't know what one can not do!

as per the laws of aerodynamism, bumblebees should not be able to fly. but the bumblebee cannot read. or hear someone read out the laws of aerodynamism. so it flies on. ignorant. blissful.

kat kallz

just read something which made me think...... i'm becoming increasingly like garfield!

garfield on being fat: we get heavier as we get older as we have more information in our heads. So i am intelligent, not fat. as my head could not hold anymore, it is starting to fill up the rest. thats my story and i am sticking to it.
well... how true... am on my way there! think i cud adopt the story?

garfield: the only thing active abt me is my imagination
me too! me too!!

garfield: I've reached the pinnacle of laziness and gluttony...
hmm...

garfield: good morning is a contradiction
truer words were seldom spoken

garfield: cats are poetry in motion, dogs are gibberish in neutral
dogs follow orders, cats merely take the message & say they'll get back to u.

garfield: we cats didnt invent the nap, we merely perfected it
purrfection, here i come!

garfield: i love lasagna
i love ANYthing with cheese

i hope i don't start resembling the way he looks, though. jim davis might need royalties from me too, then!

eye speak

when i'm with people, i use words very superficially. to fill silences, to make them feel okay around me, at times. my eyes, though, speak louder. and clearer. and of course, they're brutally honest.

whenever it's really mattered, i've never felt the need to use words to get my point across. like the time when
- XYZ *can't name her* asked to borrow 'the alchemist' from me, i didn't say no. she read it in my eyes & didn't ask again.
- my brother said "what's the point of not taking science if that's what u score ur highest in". i never had to say 'that was school, this is the rest of my life. i shall not take science'. but they all got the point.
- a junior at office missed the point (politically correct for goofed up and literature-perfect for fucked up), i never had to say a word. revisions just happened.
- V proposed, i didn't HAVE to say yes or no. he could read it in my eyes. *i can still say that i haven't said yes to him...lol!*
- V spills food on the carpet, i don't have to say "clean it" he can read it in my eyes.
- V wants to buy something that we don't need *like an additional DVD player*, i don't say no. he just has to look at me to hear it!

everything i NEED to say, i can say with my eyes. sit down, stand up, go away, come here, put that down, u're silly, i'm so stupid, do you have brains?, u're so cute... everything!
except maybe, how about vacuuming the house? for that, i have to resort to words. and they too, don't work.

happy in bed?

are men always so dissatisfied in bed or is it just him? must be a problem peculiar to me, never r'ber dad or bro being so unhappy every morning!

or maybe, it's my husband.

there's something i've realised since we shifted here. he's not happy in bed.

is it the 'variety is the spice of life' funda? umm... given that he still wears the shoes he bought two and a half years back... well, i don't think so!
is it that he gets bored? well... naah! we've just about shifted here... can't be.
is it something that he just doesn't like? well... i don't think so. who wouldn't like getting into bed at the end of a long day...?
but then, he's fine sleeping anywhere else... the drawing room, the couch, the kitchen, even the closet! anywhere - as long as his sleeping bag accompanies him *that's another story for another day* - but he's happy. as long as we're not in bed.

so, what is it?

well... i think a little deeper pondering and i know the answer. the villain in my love life is no stranger to me. i've already had to physically throw her out from my bedroom three times in the past eight weeks!
but there she goes & ruins it again! i shall have to try & put an end to this. today. before he comes home.

i'll be getting our new *should that be newest?* mattress this evening. for the fourth time. in two months.

i cross my fingers & hope this one will be gentler on his back. so finally, my husband can be happy in bed.
amen!

thought 4 d day

why don't people give vouchers for marriage counselling or psychiatrist visits to the newly married?

p.s.: psychiatrist visit needs to be individual. even though u're married. umm... actually, because u're married.

weighty issues

when u've spent most of ur earlier life (approx 15 yrs) trying to gain weight to stay in shape, how do u suddenly make the switch to losing weight to stay in shape?

geez! i hate my doctor! i mean, who ever on earth prescribes drugs which make u gain weight as a side effect? did she just presume that i wudn't care if i gained a few kilos? hmm... my thinking mind (YES, i do have one) says that knowing her d way i do (i know her since birth), d latter's a more convincing reason. but my ruling star (who i trust more than my mind) says that she's a witch doctor. who connivingly prescribed me those drugs so i'd become fat for the 1st time in my life!

anyways, am digressing. now, how do i, who have never set foot in a gym, take up the onerous task of losing the few extra kilos that i've gained.
facts to be taken into consideration:
a. m jobless. which means, i stay at home & hog at will. i love food. especially cheese. *think that says it all*
b. i've never exercised before. i don't know what to do in a "gym"
c. i never liked walking much.
d. i hate to sweat.
e. the dogs in d complex use the pool as their own. *can't swim with them no matter how clean they are*

so there! now, how do i go abt it?

will someone plz sponsor me for a psychiatrist sitting? think i could use that for more than one reason!

truth & reality

"...truth & reality begin when one no longer understands what one is doing or what one knows, and there remains an energy that is all the stronger for being constrained, controlled & compressed." - matisse

really? is that true?

u speak english...?

to all the people i've met in the past few weeks i've been here. and who, after a few words commented:
"u're indian? wow! u speak good english, man! did u learn it before u got here?"
(trust me, ALL of them said that. quote-unquote. guess, they're vocab AND intellect challenged here!)

well.. yeah! i went to school AND college, u know.
i know words which are bigger than all d words in your vocabulary put together!AND i know their meanings as well without consulting a dictionary!

i can give u synonyms for words without using a thesaurus.

i learnt english since i was 5 years old. and i speak english since then.

it is sad that i speak english better than my native language. but well, i speak that well too.

i think in english, actually.

and you know what? i speak multiple languages! and understand multiple languages. and write them too!

aint i great man!?

i mean, if there were superwoman... thatz me! rite?

c'mon now! all of u...! worship me, c'mon?

being digital...

discussion with friend. on rotating emoticons in gtalk.

me: all of them rotate. see? (display an array of rotating emoticons)
friend:(let's call him A for simplicity sake) oh wow! how did u get that?
me: d usl emoticon. try it.
A: u rock! teach me also! plzzz?
me: ??? :) simple. semi colon for d winking 1
A: huh?
:0, ;(;(,
(((
)))

it's not working. none of them. helllppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......... puhleeeaaazzzzeeee!!!!!

me: heyy! press a semicolon. without pressing enter, now press an open bracket.
A: ;((((((((((

me: OPEN bracket? d one above zero!?
A: thatz a closed bracket. (so much for language skills!)
me: tch! press that.
A: )))
me: progress! now enter a semicolon before that.
A: i can't get the saucepan
me: wot saucepan???
A: the mouth looks like a saucepan!
me: never mind. try.
A: tell me something.
am i destined to thrive in the dark dingy cave of analogue digitalism?

me: huh?!! no, u're fine. it's okay. itz just an emoticon
A: yeah.
me: m still ur fren, u know!?
A: thanks! i owe u one.

disclaimer: not all my frenz are like this. most. but not all.