Nov 30, 2008

i love me!

ok... i don't have anything of any consequence to blog... but am picking up loca's tag... and listing things i love abt myself. bcoz i want to. bcoz london's making me realize a lot of things. and fall in love. with myself. and with life. :)

i love the fact that i:
:: can smile even when i want to cry. if someone needs that smile. and they matter enough to me. and that smile will be genuine.
:: am an awesome friend to have, once u're in the inner circle. till then, it's a tad confusing... i could be rather self-centered.
:: can be, and/or seem to be, rather indifferent even while being extremely
attached to something/someone. it's not as confusing as it sounds.
:: can be rather entertaining. so if i like u. and u need ur spirits lifted. u can count on me. but well, if u're a friend, u already know that. so cross that out! :D
:: can make myself feel happy. irrespective of everyody and everything.
:: am good at networking. but i like to believe that is because i'm genuine.
:: am not ugly. and i know what suits me. and i carry off stuff rather well. yeah, i love that. i know i'm vain. so?
:: have expressive eyes. for ppl close to me, it's rather easy to know what's going on in my mind.
:: am unpredictable. yeah, despite the point above. that's coz i mostly don't know what i'm going to do till i do it. :D
:: do NOT discriminate. at ANY level.
:: know when to be modest. and when to leave that behind.
:: know how to keep ego away from my relationships.
:: am passionate about what i do for a living. and that i know, that it's not related to where i work. or what i do. it's how i do what i'm doing that matters to me.
:: am not easy. in any sense.
:: am real.

Nov 25, 2008

the "beast" is here as well...

the beast from the "now-i'm-on-sabbatical", "now-i'm-not" galadriel is visiting. and wants me to write 6 random things about me. i'm not sure what she - galadriel, not the beast - means by that. and despite some clarifications on gtalk, i'm still confused. as to what is expected from me. but i got the words RANDOM and SIX points. and ABOUT YOU. NOT ANYONE ELSE. so, ok. here goes:

1. i have gone thru bhojpuri songs and videos. and checked for "quality". which essentially meant that 93% of them got rejected owing to visual obscenity or vulgar language or double entendre lyrics. i actually knew lyrics to bhojpuri songs. was an occupational hazard. and no, i don't do that anymore.

2. i want to go to the thames wearing a saree, carrying a ghada and fill the ghada with water. *it being london ka gangajal and all.* and play a recorded remix *the shyla lopez* version of "baahon mein chale aaaaooooo...". recorded, bcoz i can't sing. dewdrop's gonna help me with this. considering that i don't have a saree.. and don't know how to reach the water of the thames! *i can SEE the darned river... but can't get into it. not that i've tried. but still*

3. i stopped going to temples because i was wary of leaving my footwear outside. eventually, i wasn't very sure of the whole concept of "god". but i don't believe in making a scene out of it. if it pleases my mom, or my MIL, i'll do a puja. it doesn't hamper my beliefs.

4. i don't care much for shopping but can spend hours in a supermarket. or a bookstore. i love observing packaging. and i find supermarkets very interesting. i can also spend DAYS doing nothing... i can be comfortable perched at a
corner observing the world go by. and never feel like i've wasted a minute. i am also intrigued by book covers. i r'ber the covers... long after i've forgotten the contents.

5. i'm rather good at maintaining professional relationships. and no, this isn't my superiority complex talking. i really am. *any prospective employers reading?? pls read only this piece!* i am also darned good at spotting typos.

6. i remember random crap that is of no use to anyone or me... like the license plate number of dad's cousin's car. or our old landline number. or the birthdate of a remote acquaintance's kid. or the colour of the wall behind the tv in vin's sis's apartment. or the exact shade of grey that i wanted my room to be. or my first mobile phone number.

i'm supposed to restrict this piece to 6 points. there are, of course, the other points i told u offline, galadriel. but those can't be blogged. and now it's a little past mid-night. and i need to sleep.
pls feel free to take this up as a tag or drop me six random things abt u as a comment. so liberal we are, around here, these days!

Nov 18, 2008

all i want is...

a couple days back, dewdrop asked me whether vin was the exact opposite of what i wanted in a guy.
and then we spotted some shiny blue boots and ran into a DM store. and the shiny blue boots had really icky plastic/rubber BEIGE soles... EWWW... yeah, i
know! can't even find decent footwear these days. sigh!

but well, since i didnt answer her, and i KNOW she reads this blog, i shall do it here.

if you'd asked me 10 years back, as to what i wanted in a guy, i'd say:
:: good looking. as well as well dressed.
:: intelligent.
:: good sense of humor
:: should speak GOOD english. and hindi. *i was a complete sucker for people who speak well. more so, in english. u know when mugdha godse says to piggy chops in fashion "tum small town girls ki problem kya hai? achchi english mein maang lo... kuch bhi de doge?" yeah, i used to be somewhat like that... though not that daft. i think!*
:: should be able to "understand" me. by this, i mostly meant it literally. that he should understand what i speak.
yeah, shallow i was. and condescending.

if u had asked me about 5 years back, i'd say
:: the ability to make me laugh. with him, not AT him *which happened a lot*. also, without either of us having to try too hard.
:: no potbelly, no moustache, no beard... well, not that i wanted adonis... but yeah, if we stand together, he shouldn't look like i'm trying to get back at my parents for something. if i were someone of fewer words, i'd say "presentable". but apparently, i'm not.
:: good conversation skills. the ability to "hold" a conversation. and make me seem interested. very difficult, given that i was mostly self absorbed. but that i know now... then it was amazing if a guy could get me to speak to him on topics other than work.
:: had to be able to drive a car. don't ask me why. but this WAS a valid, legit criteria.
:: should not be over-possessive and insist on me not talking to my friends bcoz they were guys. well. i knew guys like this. and i realized i did not want them! :D
:: did not have an ex gurlfriend who would then make it the purpose of her life to mail me and tell me that i had stolen her boyfriend. yes, i knew women like this too. and no, i could do without the drama. really.

but all of that changed over time... as did i. i lost some of my extreme superiority complex *lost the extreme bit, i think*. and i became a lot more human. and realized that it was okay to give people a chance. sometimes.

and then, i met vin. and i realized that i COULD indeed get a guy who undoubtedly is in a much higher league than i was. or would ever be. he was what i hoped to be, someday. of course, he doesn't know this. and i wouldn't have ever agreed to it, but still. this is confession time. and i don't lie on this space. i merely evade the truth when necessary ;)

but it was then, after meeting him, that i "knew" that as long as my guy:

:: was passionate about his work and wasn't working coz he "had to"...
:: understood that respect had to be earned. by both of us....
:: knew what he wanted. from himself. from me. from life...
:: was secure. with himself. with me. with "us"....
:: could make me smile simply by "being there"...
:: realized the importance of accepting me the way i was and giving me my time & space....
:: could hold a conversation. or make me feel comfortable with his silence...
:: loved me. enough to want me for an entire lifetime...
nothing else really mattered.

of course, factors like he didn't have a potbelly, moustache or beard, wasn't an alcoholic, spoke good english, did not wear rubber chappals on a date, knew his bollywood films... DID help his case. quite a bit.
and of course, so did his dimples!

to answer dewdrop... he may not have been what i wanted at 18. but he was - and is - everything i'll ever need. :)

Nov 13, 2008

billo rani... wanted!

as most of u already know.. the n'bours cat stalks me.
so we *dewdrop and urs truly* decided that a good solution would be to get him married.. that way he won't have time to do these trivial things *but i can't be sure as K pointed out. one can never be too sure of males, he said* and i can enter and leave my house in peace. and on time. *had to play with the cat is my excuse for getting late, as of now*

so.. my gtalk mesg today read "need to find a bride for Chocolate"
dewdrop's status mesg read "a cat called nimbu" *no, this had NOTHING to do with mine*
so i changed mine to "will nimbu marry chocolate?"
to which dewdrop changes hers to this:
dewdropdream: A cat named Nimbu. Will Nimbu marry Chocolate? Will their kid be named Jaffa? Watch this space for 'Miaow! A Love Story of two cats in a world gone to dogs'

now i have to sue her. since i have the digital rights to that production. and she is misusing it.

after some consideration, and a serious conversation *with her, obviously* on how "nimbu & chocolate" is not a good combo.. i changed my mesg to "any1 got an eligible "biscuit"?

had an interesting conversation on this status mesg with a hitherto, somewhat sane friend, K! :D *this is reproduced here without permission. hence link to K's blog shall not be given*

K: now u wanna fix chocolate with biscuit?
me: better combo na?
nimbu chocolate... thoda weird tha! :D
K: hehehehe :D
ask for "billo rani"
K: and then sing
"billo rani - kaho to tumhe chocolate de doon"
me: haan.. that content is also ours! :D
K: even chocolate will be happy tht he gets the queen amongst cats
rathen than nimbu or biscuit
me: true.. very true
and mera stalker hai.. thoda standard bhi maintain ho jayega mera! :D

so that's that. and since i have work to focus on... and since i'm highly incapable of asking random cats out for other, random stalker cats... i shall do what i do next best. blog it.

p.s.: someone tag me plz? or i'm gonna continue with this inanity and then some day see how ridiculous i sound and quit blogging.
p.s.1: for the uninitiated, "billo rani" is a song featuring john & bipasha, from the Bollywood movie - GOAL. go youtube it, if u wanna see/hear it.

Nov 10, 2008

of this and that...

i'm completely suffering from what's normally called a writer's block. no, this does not mean nothing interesting is happening in my life. or that i'm too busy to write. i'm not. and life is quite fine, thank u. what's kept me occupied..? well, few things... weekending with dewdrop, discovering a good friend in an acquaintance, chatting with people who matter, work.. amongst others.

but well, i hate seeing the same post here everytime i wanna see my own blog *that's pretty frequent.. given that i still am in love with the layout.* so i shall go ahead and rant about things that completely rile me.

a. kangna ranaut's english. no, it doesn't irritate me MOST or anything. was just top of mind. esp her trying to say "kangraychulayshuns" to ___ and his "byooteephull" bride. STOP!!!! speak in hindi. it's okay. it really is.
b. the chicks who roam around in 2 inch skirts and stockings. when it's 3 degrees outside. and i'm layered in 4 layers of clothing and shivering. HOW the hell do u pull that off!!!! tell me someone, plz!!! are there thermal stockings i'm not aware of...??
c. the guy on the train who believes that everybody else in the compartment would like to listen to "mundian te bachke rahi". in london. plug the damn thing in ur ear! or at least update ur taste in music to today's day and age.
d. ppl who think they deserve to be respected for their age and wisdom. pls prove the latter. i shall respect u.
e. ppl behaving snooty and looking down on everything that's saleable. YOU don't like it. fine. stop insisting that everything that's commercial is crap. it's not. it earns a lot of ppl their livelihood. and entertains a lot more people. unlike what u do. nobody's forcing it down ur throat, u know? so, scoot!
f. intellectual innocence. genuine daftness. whatever u call it. i just wish i could stay away from it. and those that display it proudly. SIGH.
g. ppl who insist that the iPhone is "awesome". go, get a life! it isn't. it doesn't deserve anymore space on my blog than it already has. and no, i don't care that this makes me seem less kewl. suits me fine.
h. guys who don't understand that NO is an answer. and that usually means they shouldn't ask for what they already did. the answer will not change if u repeat the question. i do have tremendous amounts of patience. i may, however, block u if i run out of it.
i. people who fold books and attempt to read them. it hurts me to watch. i feel like snatching the book from their hands, straightening it out and telling them how to read.
j. intrusive questions. unless u're close to me and i do discuss my life with u - on media other than this blog - u do NOT need to know anything about me. least of all about my job or when i'm going to have kids. my husband doesn't care as much as u do about my biological clock. so pls find someone a li'l more tolerant. and don't call me arrogant for not entertaining u.
k. ppl who AFTER being messaged on chat immediately revert with an "are u there?" NO. that was the ghost in my room buzzing u from my id. whatchoo gonna do??

oh yeah, btw..there's a ghost in this apartment. *and no, it's not me - for any of u who wished to suggest that. HAHA. funny. yeah, right!* the door opened by itself late on sat night - dewdrop's witness to that.
this morning, the washing machine started automatically. i asked the flat-mate if she'd set it... and she hadn't. there were no clothes in it, after all. so yeah.. am kinda spooked out.

Nov 3, 2008

what did u say again...?

it has been proven. my friends are mad. all of them. also, they're REALLY entertaining. so reproducing chats - mostly with permission. suruchi/vibs... i don't need ur permission :P

me: how old is she?

X: 24
me: child marriage!! heyy bhagwaan!!!!
X: arre no, i am actually one year younger

me: what? as compared to...???
X: than my official age.
eh? ever heard of anyone like this?

suruchi: are u allowed to legally keep pubs at home there?
me: PUBS? u mean CUBS, right? well...
typos are an interesting way of life now... :)

A: when're u having kittens, catty?
me: not yet. but will let u know. y the sudden concern?
A: then i'll gift them a yarn of wool.
dewdrop's addition to this conversation:
when they're kittens, they can play with it. once they grow up, u can knit mittens for ur kittens.
conveniently forgetting that I can really not knit. and my kittens will be human!

me: main tumpar book likhungi
J: likho. it will be a bestseller. loyalty mujhe dena
me: ???
uncertain pause.
me: loyalty u have. Royalty, i'll pay u.
hmm.. forgetting R is just not done, is it?

me: arre the n'bours cat - chocolate - stalks me, u know.
A: he must be discussing with his friends over a pint of milk at the cat-bar later... of how there's this hot indian cat who's shifted into the building.
me: yeah right! arre he's scary.
A: poor chocolate. you'd make a great couple, u know... chocolate and rayshma.
me: hahaa... u've lost it!
A: purrfect pair. it'll make a great movie also.

me: ???
A: presenting... a love story of 2 cats, in a world that's gone to the dogs.
me: hahaa! u're gonna make it?
A: yeah. and i'll get pussycat dolls and snoop dogg for the soundtrack.
i should've pitched for digital rights! ;)

i get a mail from J saying "am online, login?" so i do.
me: am so happy u're online! :)

J: 4 minutes.
me: what?
J: i'm online for 4 mins.

me: i was watching chocolate *refer above* attempt to stalk a bird today.
dewdrop: then what happened?
me: by the time he could move, the bird had flown off. going by his size, he should hunt deer.
dewdrop: hehe... what would u do if he'd caught the bird?
me: well, nothing. what did u think?
dewdrop: you could have snatched the bird from him actually.

Vibs: WHERE are the skimpy clothes u are giving me?
me: arre i have to die for u to get them.
Vibs: oh. i thought because u're in london u're giving them away.
me: no no... later. there'll be more till then.
vibs: i'll wait, then.

me: :(
vibs: not for u to die, idiot!!!
well, anyone who thought otherwise here???

Nov 1, 2008

jaane tu...?

there's something about being in a new place by myself that manages to stir something in me. it's a feeling i can't explain. it's excitement, it's anxiety... it's a sense of looking forward.. it's a feeling of having left something behind.. it's a lot of things. it's nothing.
never before have i felt a sense of loneliness, tho. i've always prided myself on being rather self-sufficient. but then, never before have i wanted someone else to be with me.

the other day, i was walking down on oxford street with my iPod in my ears... the place was as crowded as it always is. the feeling of being lonely in a crowd was really really strong. that's when it rang through my ears...
kuch kam... roshan hai roshni
kuch kam... geeli hai baarishein...
kuch kam... lehraati hai hawa
kuch kam hai dil mein khwahishein...
tham-sa gaya hai... yeh waqt aise
tere liye hi thehra ho jaise...

i sat down at the cafe at the corner... and just looked around... and realized it really wasn't what it was... it was how i was seeing it.

and the iPod moved on to the next track...
jaane kyon... dil jaanta hai... tu hai toh i'll be alright.

yep. i will be alright. this trip WILL be more fun than it already is. and i will manage to make the most of it. coz i will be with you.
someday. hopefully, soon.