Jun 28, 2007

current scenario

job: portal management for "prestigious" operator in dubai.
note: all clients are "prestigious", whether in india, dubai or somalia!
portal can be managed, but managing well is what needs to be done.

requirements: people skills. ability to work under tremendous stress. in short, client's a pain in d wrong place. set him/them right. WE *hungama* may be a pain in d wrong place as well. but since u've worked with us, u'll adapt faster!

duration: "post 8 weeks, leave when you wish"
okay, that was verbatim. the boss hath spoken! in true boss-style, very very ambiguous! *wonder if i'd be able to manage any other way!*

lead cast:
client. no comments. this is a public domain. also, i'm am a tad ambiguous on this one.

d boss. current boss, IF i finally get on board. also, d ex-boss *d most recent one*. knowing my penchant for weird bosses, this one's as good as they've been! a teaser on him: *wonder if i can claim diplomatic immunity coz i'm out of india?*
- is "cult"ifying hungama mobile into something that words can't do justice to.
- VERY difficult to get in touch with *i can never get him on mail or phone unless he calls me*
- knows what he wants, and that usually happens to be what the client doesn't want. *what u may want is inconsequential* needless to say, u've got to use those "people skills" that u MAY be paid for & find the middle path and keep both happy!
- does have strange theories, but none is printable in public domains.
- quotes from the 'godfather'; behaves like one too, at times.
- works 24/7. seriously, he does!
- does not understand that "NO" is a valid answer. *told u, he's weird*

supporting cast: 3 unknown names. unknown, coz no1 is telling me about them. i think it's a surprise. or a shock. i shall know, only later.

still unknown: *and, VERY important*
date of leaving - boss refuses to revert on this!
moolah - i know nothing yet, except that YES, they will pay.

so all in all, as chaotic as I'd expect it to be. sometimes, i think he's *d boss* playing a practical joke on me. telling me i'm hired, and not hiring me. hmm... wot was it abt the shrink, i'd sed?

p.s.: this post is now typo-free, thanks to "d boss" :)

Jun 26, 2007

lost & found

i shall miss
- sleeping in late, staying up late'er'
- loitering around all day in t-shirts and shorts like a complete jhalla
- d cozy couch i so happily rest my behind on all day
- watching movies in the middle of the day
- shifting to a new apartment and cribbing about unpacking
- cribbing when the net doesn't work coz it's raining outside
- staring out the patio at the beautiful rainy days/evengs

i sure will miss V a lot. it's surprising how quickly u get so accustomed to having someone as an integral aspect of your life...but what the heck! we're just talking 10 weeks here. and i'm hoping this makes me truly appreciate what i have and realize that d grass only seems greener on the other side.

yes, i'm excited about the work at hand. yes, i do want to take a break from this break. yes, i think it's time for me to kick ass again! *that's a crucial part of my job description.* yes, i am looking forward to catching up with some old friends in dubai. as they say, u lose some, u find some. hopefully, it won't be too bad!

Jun 22, 2007

when... i know...

- when i mail V to revert at the earliest...
- when i say "let's have a closure" on silly things like deciding what's for dinner...
- when i'm reading and constantly read 'deployment' instead of 'development'...
- when i go thru my iPod playlist and sort songs by "downloadable" and "not downloadable"...
- when i make content plans arbitly... based on arbit data i have. and i do this just for fun...
- when i yearn to write stinkers to people arbitly...
- when i think de-stressing means a coffee break...
- when i format V's excel sheets, word docs & ppts into 'verdana 10' so it looks "presentable"...

- when i read a formal proposal document and think "finally, something makes sense"...
- when i say "rubbish" when someone says something can't be done...

i know...
...that i need to get back to work.

Jun 18, 2007


My Inner Hero - Wizard!

I'm a Wizard!

There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.
it only gets better: read on
Your Mission:
You were put on this earth to enlighten people. They will listen to you, because they are impressed by your vocabulary, your erudition, and your ability to grasp concepts that invariably elude them. You are the one who has to figure things out, because let's face it - you're the only one smart enough.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to Discover Something. Something small, or something big. Find an unknown insect in your own backyard. Discover a cure for sunburn. Develop a faster way to get the dishes done. Calculate the number of molecules in the Andromeda galaxy. Discover a comet. Discover SOMETHING. And do make it a priority. The Famous Adventurer of Silmaria has a crystal ball trained on you, and will be noting your progress.

umm... how about i discover something to occupy myself with... rather than take these "entertaining" tests! wot say...?

How about you? Click here to find your own inner hero.

Jun 15, 2007

must be love...

- he looks lost. so lost that his wife begins to think it's something to do with her.
- he obsesses over losing his hair. he wishes he had long, curly locks.
- he believes that moving your hands and legs about, *irrespective of where d music is headed* is dancing. and, dancing well, at that too.
- he loves his work a tad bit lesser than he loves his wife. just a tad! *that's wot she likes to believe. let her!*
- he doesn't talk while eating. *there go d "romantic" candle light dinners!*
- he hasn't heard of traveling light. *he carries almost half his wardrobe when he travels for two days*
- he can't pack his own bag.
- he still hasn't proposed formally to his wife.
- he'd be happiest on a ranch - complete with cattle, goats, chicken and horses! but is happy enough to adopt city life for fear his wife may go berserk!
- he gets bouts of "sing-a-holism" when he believes he's sonu nigam. or shaan, or himesh. or james blunt.
- he forgets the lyrics to almost every song he starts "singing". so he merges them with lyrics he remembers.
- he quotes the corniest dialogues EVER from hindi films. at any given opportunity.

tomorrow, it'll be a year we've been together. and i still want to be with him. for many more years to come. not despite all this. but maybe, because of this. and so much more.

must be love...!

Jun 14, 2007

handle with care...!

i wanted to re-read the alchemist this morning. when i remembered, i'd lent it to someone YEARS ago and that person happily forgot about it. this was when i still loaned books to people. after years of abuse, i've wisened up. i no longer lend books. i'm tired of lending books and then crying about how they come back used and abused or then, even worse - they never turn up!

there've been so many instances when people have returned my book with curry stains or doodlings or arbit phone numbers/mail id's scribbled on the last page. i READ the last page! and even if i didn't, no1 gave you the right to desecrate my book! i think it should be a legal crime to abuse a book! punishable in a court of law!

i very rarely borrow books from people. and i don't like it if someone asks me if they can borrow my book. *this is not applicable to close frenz!* it's like sum1 walking upto you and saying: "i'm really bored. can i borrow your baby today?" the answer wud *hopefully* be d same .. "umm.. well... NO!" they're equally, precious, u see!

let me clarify. "mistreating" my books mainly refers to :
a. folding pages. *invest in a bookmark and learn to use it!*
b. folding d book!!! *u wud be SO dead when i find out!*
c. touching pages/cover with dirty hands. *YES, i preserve d cover too!*
d. dropping food on my book *U will be dropped from grace. for good*
e. tearing ANY part of the cover or page. *WTF?! it's NOT urz!*
f. scribbling on it like it were a notepad. *NO excuse can be legit here*
g. creasing d spine. read at 45 *for odd pages* or 65 *for even pages* degree angles, if reqd. i care more for the spine of my book than ur neck!
h. lending MY book to someone else without my permission. *people do that*
i. LOSE the book. *u lose my fr'ship*

it's not that i'm d only one who cares for books. i DO have frenz who look after their books like i do. and to them, i can lend any of my babies with my eyes shut! but till u manage to enter that realm of comfort with me, it's a strict no-no!!

and of course, if u borrow anybody's book, pls take care of it and do return it to them once u're done reading. don't make ppl use GPS to track their books!

p.s.: i must mention my colleague, Kabir, who once borrowed a book. and returned it in excellent condition *the way it was* with a thank u note. good people DO exist!

Jun 13, 2007

twin solution...

me: lissen... u know my fren J? he needs ur help.
v: i can't clone u.
me: no, not that! he wants to have twins.

v: ...!!!???... ME?? HOW?! WHAT exactly do u have in mind??

me: don't panic! he just wants to know how to have twins.

v: he needs to find a wife first. in order to have singular or multiple kids.
me: yeah, THAT he knows! but he wants to have multiple kids simultaneously.
v: he does know about the "birds & bees" story, rite? i can't tell him that. i'm just not comfortable!
me: no, silly. i think he'd know HOW to have kids. just tell him does he have to marry someone who has a twin sibling or any1 will do?
v: OH! that ways. no, he'll have to find a gurl who has twins in her family. so either if she has a twin sibling or her mother has a twin etc... it depends on the gurl's genes.
me: hmm... will let him know. it'll set the criteria for his wife-hunt! he'll only have to find a gurl who has a twin!
v: yeah, good! so, are you saying that he's going to focus on finding a gurl instead of chatting with you all day?
me: yeah, he shud.
v: awesome! tell him he shud get a pre-nup signed before marrying. it shud state that he MUST have twins. this way,
if he does not get twins from his wife, he can have a legit ground for having an affair! there, twin solution! i'm a genius, eh?!

Jun 12, 2007

my dil goes bluuu...!

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

Jun 8, 2007

happy men...?

A fren forwarded this to me. made me think.... are men really happier? Read on for some weekend fun...!
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.


Jun 5, 2007

the full-moon theory

i've been fortunate (?) to have worked with the quirkiest of bosses! one such ex-boss, who we shall call RH, for privacy reasons *also,he might want royalty for mentioning his name - page 3 ppl after all!* told me abt the "full-moon theory" while we were returning from one of our meetings.

the meeting was in an office in a by-lane off bandra and after we sat in the car and started to drive away, a "pack" of dogs *abt 4* began barking and chasing the car. not an unknown phenomenon to most indians. dogs do tend to chase cars etc. but, a deadly combo of south bombay & US waters having diluted his desi sensibilities, RH didn't seem to know this. he appeared to be very startled by the canine behavior. and passingly sed to me : "must be a full moon"
was time for ME to be startled now. moon? full? where? it's early morng? and why are we discussing the lunar movements? so i tried to look non-plussed and asked ..."why?"
RH: *giving me a "u're an imbecile?" look* u don't know? they behave weird around the full moon.
me: *WHAT?* what?
RH: yeah. i had a prof in d US who told us of this theory.
me: what theory?
with a look that was unsure whether i was truly imbecile or i pretended to be, RH proceeded to explain to me. in a tone u'd use to explain to d mentally challenged.
RH: u know how the moon affects the tides, right? the lunar movements affect the water. when the moon gets fuller, the water rises. that is why there are high tides. and the reverse happens for low tides.
me: *been a very long time since i learnt this. but wotever!* what do dogs have to do with it?
RH: not just dogs. women also!
me: WHAT? haha... that's really funny! *i really thot he was kidding.*
RH: no, i'm serious! *this was sed with a sudden intensity that really, really scared me.*
there is extra water content in the bodies of animals and women, vis-a-vis men. the moon affects this water. around the full moon, the water content in the body rises, and it probably goes to the head... that's why you behave so weird around full moon times!
me: *ME? how do i come into the picture? weren't we discussing d dogs?*
RH: yeah. that's also how deer die on freeways. they don't know what they're doing, and they walk onto the freeway and freeze in front of cars, blinded by the headlights!

realizing that d look on my face is that of incredulous silence...

RH: u don't believe me? i swear! this prof was a Ph.D. *like THAT proves anything!*
me: and u were at a dope party or smthng?
RH: arre? no! i'm very serious. why don't u believe me...?

by this point, i HAD to end/change the conversation to stop myself from jumping out of the car into a cab! of course, later, we *the rest of the office not present in the car* had a blast with this theory! i still think of RH when i realize it's a full moon! some way to ensure recall, eh?

Jun 3, 2007

aspirationally dumb

V: umm... i don't remember.

me: how can u not remember??
V: i didn't realize if it was urs or mine.

me: mine's the one which is INSIDE the cabinet. urz is d one which is lying around.
V: yes, i did, then.
*silence that speaks: "well?"*

V: well, it's easier to find it when it's always in the same place, rite?
me: d reason it's in the same place is coz i go thru d effort of putting it back after every use!
V: hehe
me: wot's funny??
V: "every" there refers to once in 2 days, doesn't it?
me: NO! i DO comb my hair daily!
V: oh yes! i see that.
me: *one eyebrow raised, silent questioning glance, meaning... "WOT does that mean?"*
V: umm... well... ur hair shed all over... see?
me: where? show?

*inspecting a specimen picked from d carpet*
me: that's not mine! it must be urz!
V: it is NOT! i don't have semi-curly, long RED hair. tho i wish i did! not the red part of it, of course!
me: *ignoring d opportunity for a change in subject from my shedding hair to vin's lack of a lustrous mane* MY hair is NOT red. and neither is this one. it's auburn.
V: is this urz or not?
me: *never wanting to admit, i resort to a feeble attempt of changing d topic!* see? this is why we need a dog! then we won't know who d hair belongs to! and i can always say it's not mine, it's doofus'!
V: FYI - doofus will have golden hair. *he forgot "straight!"*
me: oh yeah. *after a 12 sec contemplative silence* i'll color mine blonde!
V: i didn't know u aspired to be perceived as dumb?!
me: i don't. i hate stereotypes. and blondes being dumb is a stereotype. so u can't call me a dumb blonde.


V: can i call u blondie, then?