V: when was the last time u stepped out?
me: huh? *adopting the ostrich approach. hoping the question isn't repeated.*
V: *obviously not getting the hint!* when was the last time u stepped out of the house?
me: i don't know. when i checked mail. last week?
V: are u mad? don't u get bored? don't u want to see what's outside?
me: i've seen it. been there, done that? *even I know, that's VERY lame!* besides, the net's been working great.
V: but how can u stay INSIDE for a week? u're looking paler. u need some sunlight.
me: it's called "fairer" where we come from. and i don't need sunlight. i'm not a plant!
V: did u at least step out on the patio?
me: yeah. the day it was really warm inside?
me: the day i made pasta? i had hot choc on the patio that day.
V: that was 3 days back!
me: wotever. i DID.
V: at least part the blinds?
me: NO! I hate the sun entering the house! besides, it falls rite on that black chair, and i don't want the fabric to fade.
V: lemme get this rite. u don't want the sunlight to fall on the PATIO chair, lest it fade the fabric.
V: we can move the chair?
me: why would we do that? then the rays will touch me! what if i evaporate with the rays of the sun? then when u come back in the evng, there'll be no wife here.
*after a BRIEF silence of, like, 3 contemplative seconds*
V: is that like... possible?
*noticing the silence AND d malicious look...*
me: u wish!