who i am is who i wanna be...

the year's seen me do some very uncharacteristic things. 

- it's made me live up to my responsibilities. in ways i'd wished i never had to. 

- it's helped me find a friend in someone i'd known for a long time... but never really known. and i'm glad for cliches like "it's never too late". 

- i've made some good friends online. u know who you are - all of u... and i sure will catch y'all online soon! :) 

- two of my now-closest pals have graduated from being blog-pals in this very year. 

galadriel: i know how difficult it is to listen to me crib, whine, rave, rant and still be there for me! :D thanks, babes! MUAH! 

dewdrop: u made london feel like home. fly down SOON! keep meowing! and heyy... get rid of the ramu kaka merchandise ;) 

- i ran off to london. despite having said "never again" last year. fortunately, this time was a lot better! 

- i questioned my own decisions. usually, the doubts are before the decisions are arrived at. not after i've decided and gone ahead. but well, there's always a first time! 

- vin and i have managed to live through a lot of uncertainties. but i'm not sure the worst is past us. but i do know that it doesn't matter. that if we could tide over these two years... we should be able to tide over the next as well. 

- i went ahead and got a tattoo. something i'd been too chicken to do since i was 20. and guess what - it doesn't really hurt!! 

- i've realized who my friends are. and people who have their own motives behind being friends with me. 

- i've begun appreciating my girl friends THAT much more. 

vibs: someday, i'm gonna blog those mails we'd exchanged all those years back. makes me feel real sane today! :D 

suruchi: u're probably THE person i'd turn to if i ever need to talk about anything. miss ya tonnes. and i wish i could come down to bbay. and oh, btw... vin now thinks u're on his side. but he's still scared of u! :D 

- i'm looking forward to the changes anticipated next year. 

on the whole, the year's been an absolute mixed bag. it went from not-so-good to uh-oh to horrible to okay to good to great... all within 12 months! they say all's well that ends well. and we're still here.. living and blogging. and the hope still survives - for a better 2009. and i'm happy with who i am... and the fact that i'm still open to change.. with myself and my life. i love the fact that i've managed to sustain the positivity despite everything that's happened. i am happy and content with the way life is shaping up. and with myself. so i guess it can't be all that bad. 

here's wishing all of u have a better 2009! :)

happy holidays!

ok. i'm home!
so are my bags. finally.

for the record, here's what happened:

flight landed late at boston. bad weather being the reason. at boston airport, i am told that i'd miss my flight if i don't "run across to the other terminal" REALLY?? run across?? in SNOW????

but well.. I had to get home, so i figure that's my problem. so i actually scampered across two terminals. completely failing to notice how pretty everything around was.
THEN, i'm told the flight has been delayed. not by 15 - 20 mins. by TWO hours!!!!

and while looking out at the snowed-in planes, i realize with a sinking feeling. "i'm gonna miss my connecting to houston!" i chk with the airline ppl if i can get on a later flight. wishing my bro would actually fly international routes so i can make the plane wait for me! i am told there's no later flight.

faced with the option of being stuck at dallas, i frantically call vin.
me: where are you??
vin: home. where are YOU?
me: can u come to dallas to pick me up???
vin: hehe. where are you right now?
me: i'm at boston airport. flight's delayed by over 2 hours. and i miss my connecting to houston. can u get to dallas by 8.30??
vin: yeah. of course. i can't dare leave you at dallas, can i? hehee.
me: ok. come on time. LEAVE now!

at dallas. i wait for my bags. no bags. so i run around the airport trying to locate a rep who can tell me where my bags are. *it's late. and it's the holiday season. so few reps at that hour*
at the counter:
me: *explained HOW i'd got there, gave them reqd info etc* could you tell me where my bags are?
her: *grinning at me like a cheshire cat. despite seeing that i wasn't in the mood to comprehend humour!* you'll have to call this number and press 7. they would be able to tell you.
me: you don't think YOU should call them? YOU lost my bags. i'm stranded here coz YOUR flights got delayed. and now you want me to call numbers and HOLD??
her: um.. ma'am, i would have. but it's a "customer" service number. they wouldn't speak to me.

i realized, she was serious about it. she looked a little warily at me, actually. too dumbfounded by her blondness... i DO call the number. the man there thought i'd like to chat. and asked me random details about my flights and my bags. finally, he gives me a "locator number" which i'm supposed to map online. except, they don't update their site.
awesome.

a day and a half later, no bags.
i call the number again.
i explain what has happened and give her the locator.. so she can check.
she: you came from london?!
me: yes?
she: and you missed your flight from dallas?
me: YES? *this is info i have JUST given her*
she: OMG!!! how did you get home from dallas at that hour???
me: huh? i asked to be picked up.
she: oh. then why did you not pick up your bags at dallas?

stunned silence.
she thinks i abandoned my precious bags at that airport????? do people DO that??? just like that? for FUN???

me: i WOULD have, if i COULD have. but thanks to your amazing service, my bags did NOT reach dallas. neither have they reached houston. YOU. need. to tell me. WHERE. they are! and, NOW.
she: yes ma'am. i'll just check.

ARGHH!!

finally, 4 hours later that day, my bags got home. after of course, i was made to give super-fab directions of how they could reach my house. yeah, i live here. but i can't give directions. i admit giving directions included resorting to the power of the internet! :D

and just for kicks, i checked their site, later in the evng. to realize that it still said : bags not located.

i've received the bags, but the site says they haven't found them. imagine the trauma this conflicting info would have had on me if i were as bright as their customer service rep(s). vin says i should sue them. for emotional distress.

but i'm just gonna say "happy holidays! feels good to be home. with my luggage!"

flying update

yes, i know this space has been neglected. not ony did i miss it myself.. i also got ur mesgs/mails to the effect. and yeah, sorry that u couldn't comment - i couldn't either!
on one hand, i'm really glad u guys miss me... on the other, i WISH i could blog right now. i have posts in my head... but when there's so much going on... all i can hear is white noise! BUT... here's a quick update on things:

first things first - yes, this space has another look. and this one's gonna stay a while. coz i quite love it. and of course, it has been blessed by "the bhai"
thanks lavs! really appreciate the help.
and i hope YOU who read from ur blackberry and other fancy gadgets can read this fine now. gosh! the trouble i go through for u guys...! and no appreciation i hear! hmph!

dewdrop's left. and i'm missing her terribly. but the child's having fun at home. and has assured me she shall try and visit me next year.

i leave in four more days. yes. sunday night i shall step into what i've called home-turf for the past coupla years. thanks to office, i have a lovely half-way across america flight... and given my trysts with folks at airports... i shall keep you updated with airport stories, as always.

highlights of the week:
overheard in a tube - a firang asking an indian "how IS it that all of you know computers? is it like a religion, there?"

the boss called up Vin.
Vin's message to me : "the boss had called. i thought he had a job for ME. :("

a firang client calls and says "kya tum mujhey weekly top 10 send again please?"

okay... that's all.. and since i leave sunday... this also means that i will return the laptop saturday. and will be offline at least till monday.
given these are my last few days... i am kinda drowning in stuff to do before i leave... so will catch up on ur blogs & reply to comments soon as i can!

y'all be good...and in case i don't see you till then... happy holidays!

edited to add: you CAN leave comments now. thanks, lena... really! :)

mind becomes garden garden.

i'm feeling very green.
it's the color i'm in right now. as in... i WANT to buy a green bag, a green jacket, a green hat... i actually eyed a green phone today... u get the picture. and i actually am liking THIS green. the one in the background - and the text.
so i've decided i'm actually fond of this look. as of now. in my sleep-deprived, overworked state.

also, none of u love me. and are not helping me find a nice template. *read - designing/mailing me something that I would fall in love with at first glance and say to you "WTF were you waiting for??"*.

do let me know what u think of the "new look". pls r'ber... when u say, u don't like... keep options ready for me to either like or turn down. if you don't have options, you can always say "hmm..." or some such politically correct thing that would allow me to publish ur comment.

and till any of you actually proves to be of help *vibs???*, this phool-patti shall remain.

p.s.: no prizes for translating the title of this post.

edited to add:
credits: galadriel loves me! or maybe she just couldn't bear the garden that this page had become. so well, she showed me the "green light". and also, very kindly edited the xml after i'd slept. what would i do without u? now go.. link me in some more posts!

other options considered were templates called "chobits", "santa & reindeer", pink diva (which G loved), "vetochick" and "rigid joy".

i love me!

ok... i don't have anything of any consequence to blog... but am picking up loca's tag... and listing things i love abt myself. bcoz i want to. bcoz london's making me realize a lot of things. and fall in love. with myself. and with life. :)

i love the fact that i:
:: can smile even when i want to cry. if someone needs that smile. and they matter enough to me. and that smile will be genuine.
:: am an awesome friend to have, once u're in the inner circle. till then, it's a tad confusing... i could be rather self-centered.
:: can be, and/or seem to be, rather indifferent even while being extremely
attached to something/someone. it's not as confusing as it sounds.
:: can be rather entertaining. so if i like u. and u need ur spirits lifted. u can count on me. but well, if u're a friend, u already know that. so cross that out! :D
:: can make myself feel happy. irrespective of everyody and everything.
:: am good at networking. but i like to believe that is because i'm genuine.
:: am not ugly. and i know what suits me. and i carry off stuff rather well. yeah, i love that. i know i'm vain. so?
:: have expressive eyes. for ppl close to me, it's rather easy to know what's going on in my mind.
:: am unpredictable. yeah, despite the point above. that's coz i mostly don't know what i'm going to do till i do it. :D
:: do NOT discriminate. at ANY level.
:: know when to be modest. and when to leave that behind.
:: know how to keep ego away from my relationships.
:: am passionate about what i do for a living. and that i know, that it's not related to where i work. or what i do. it's how i do what i'm doing that matters to me.
:: am not easy. in any sense.
:: am real.

the "beast" is here as well...

the beast from the "now-i'm-on-sabbatical", "now-i'm-not" galadriel is visiting. and wants me to write 6 random things about me. i'm not sure what she - galadriel, not the beast - means by that. and despite some clarifications on gtalk, i'm still confused. as to what is expected from me. but i got the words RANDOM and SIX points. and ABOUT YOU. NOT ANYONE ELSE. so, ok. here goes:

1. i have gone thru bhojpuri songs and videos. and checked for "quality". which essentially meant that 93% of them got rejected owing to visual obscenity or vulgar language or double entendre lyrics. i actually knew lyrics to bhojpuri songs. was an occupational hazard. and no, i don't do that anymore.

2. i want to go to the thames wearing a saree, carrying a ghada and fill the ghada with water. *it being london ka gangajal and all.* and play a recorded remix *the shyla lopez* version of "baahon mein chale aaaaooooo...". recorded, bcoz i can't sing. dewdrop's gonna help me with this. considering that i don't have a saree.. and don't know how to reach the water of the thames! *i can SEE the darned river... but can't get into it. not that i've tried. but still*

3. i stopped going to temples because i was wary of leaving my footwear outside. eventually, i wasn't very sure of the whole concept of "god". but i don't believe in making a scene out of it. if it pleases my mom, or my MIL, i'll do a puja. it doesn't hamper my beliefs.

4. i don't care much for shopping but can spend hours in a supermarket. or a bookstore. i love observing packaging. and i find supermarkets very interesting. i can also spend DAYS doing nothing... i can be comfortable perched at a
corner observing the world go by. and never feel like i've wasted a minute. i am also intrigued by book covers. i r'ber the covers... long after i've forgotten the contents.

5. i'm rather good at maintaining professional relationships. and no, this isn't my superiority complex talking. i really am. *any prospective employers reading?? pls read only this piece!* i am also darned good at spotting typos.

6. i remember random crap that is of no use to anyone or me... like the license plate number of dad's cousin's car. or our old landline number. or the birthdate of a remote acquaintance's kid. or the colour of the wall behind the tv in vin's sis's apartment. or the exact shade of grey that i wanted my room to be. or my first mobile phone number.

i'm supposed to restrict this piece to 6 points. there are, of course, the other points i told u offline, galadriel. but those can't be blogged. and now it's a little past mid-night. and i need to sleep.
pls feel free to take this up as a tag or drop me six random things abt u as a comment. so liberal we are, around here, these days!

all i want is...

a couple days back, dewdrop asked me whether vin was the exact opposite of what i wanted in a guy.
and then we spotted some shiny blue boots and ran into a DM store. and the shiny blue boots had really icky plastic/rubber BEIGE soles... EWWW... yeah, i
know! can't even find decent footwear these days. sigh!

but well, since i didnt answer her, and i KNOW she reads this blog, i shall do it here.
if you'd asked me 10 years back, as to what i wanted in a guy, i'd say:
:: good looking. as well as well dressed.
:: intelligent.
:: good sense of humor
:: should speak GOOD english. and hindi. *i was a complete sucker for people who speak well. more so, in english. u know when mugdha godse says to piggy chops in fashion "tum small town girls ki problem kya hai? achchi english mein maang lo... kuch bhi de doge?" yeah, i used to be somewhat like that... though not that daft. i think!*
:: should be able to "understand" me. by this, i mostly meant it literally. that he should understand what i speak.
yeah, shallow i was. and condescending.

if u had asked me about 5 years back, i'd say
:: the ability to make me laugh. with him, not AT him *which happened a lot*. also, without either of us having to try too hard.
:: no potbelly, no moustache, no beard... well, not that i wanted adonis... but yeah, if we stand together, he shouldn't look like i'm trying to get back at my parents for something. if i were someone of fewer words, i'd say "presentable". but apparently, i'm not.
:: good conversation skills. the ability to "hold" a conversation. and make me seem interested. very difficult, given that i was mostly self absorbed. but that i know now... then it was amazing if a guy could get me to speak to him on topics other than work.
:: had to be able to drive a car. don't ask me why. but this WAS a valid, legit criteria.
:: should not be over-possessive and insist on me not talking to my friends bcoz they were guys. well. i knew guys like this. and i realized i did not want them! :D
:: did not have an ex gurlfriend who would then make it the purpose of her life to mail me and tell me that i had stolen her boyfriend. yes, i knew women like this too. and no, i could do without the drama. really.

but all of that changed over time... as did i. i lost some of my extreme superiority complex *lost the extreme bit, i think*. and i became a lot more human. and realized that it was okay to give people a chance. sometimes.

and then, i met vin. and i realized that i COULD indeed get a guy who undoubtedly is in a much higher league than i was. or would ever be. he was what i hoped to be, someday. of course, he doesn't know this. and i wouldn't have ever agreed to it, but still. this is confession time. and i don't lie on this space. i merely evade the truth when necessary ;)

but it was then, after meeting him, that i "knew" that as long as my guy:
:: was passionate about his work and wasn't working coz he "had to"...
:: understood that respect had to be earned. by both of us....
:: knew what he wanted. from himself. from me. from life...
:: was secure. with himself. with me. with "us"....
:: could make me smile simply by "being there"...
:: realized the importance of accepting me the way i was and giving me my time & space....
:: could hold a conversation. or make me feel comfortable with his silence...
:: loved me. enough to want me for an entire lifetime...
nothing else really mattered.

of course, factors like he didn't have a potbelly, moustache or beard, wasn't an alcoholic, spoke good english, did not wear rubber chappals on a date, knew his bollywood films... DID help his case. quite a bit.
and of course, so did his dimples!

to answer dewdrop... he may not have been what i wanted at 18. but he was - and is - everything i'll ever need. :)

billo rani... wanted!

as most of u already know.. the n'bours cat stalks me.
so we *dewdrop and urs truly* decided that a good solution would be to get him married.. that way he won't have time to do these trivial things *but i can't be sure as K pointed out. one can never be too sure of males, he said* and i can enter and leave my house in peace. and on time. *had to play with the cat is my excuse for getting late, as of now*

so.. my gtalk mesg today read "need to find a bride for Chocolate"
dewdrop's status mesg read "a cat called nimbu" *no, this had NOTHING to do with mine*
so i changed mine to "will nimbu marry chocolate?"
to which dewdrop changes hers to this:
dewdropdream: A cat named Nimbu. Will Nimbu marry Chocolate? Will their kid be named Jaffa? Watch this space for 'Miaow! A Love Story of two cats in a world gone to dogs'

now i have to sue her. since i have the digital rights to that production. and she is misusing it.

after some consideration, and a serious conversation *with her, obviously* on how "nimbu & chocolate" is not a good combo.. i changed my mesg to "any1 got an eligible "biscuit"?

had an interesting conversation on this status mesg with a hitherto, somewhat sane friend, K! :D *this is reproduced here without permission. hence link to K's blog shall not be given*

K: now u wanna fix chocolate with biscuit?
me: better combo na?
nimbu chocolate... thoda weird tha! :D
K: hehehehe :D
ask for "billo rani"
me: HAHAHAHHAAA
K: and then sing
"billo rani - kaho to tumhe chocolate de doon"
me: haan.. that content is also ours! :D
K: even chocolate will be happy tht he gets the queen amongst cats
rathen than nimbu or biscuit
me: true.. very true
and mera stalker hai.. thoda standard bhi maintain ho jayega mera! :D

so that's that. and since i have work to focus on... and since i'm highly incapable of asking random cats out for other, random stalker cats... i shall do what i do next best. blog it.

p.s.: someone tag me plz? or i'm gonna continue with this inanity and then some day see how ridiculous i sound and quit blogging.
p.s.1: for the uninitiated, "billo rani" is a song featuring john & bipasha, from the Bollywood movie - GOAL. go youtube it, if u wanna see/hear it.

of this and that...

i'm completely suffering from what's normally called a writer's block. no, this does not mean nothing interesting is happening in my life. or that i'm too busy to write. i'm not. and life is quite fine, thank u. what's kept me occupied..? well, few things... weekending with dewdrop, discovering a good friend in an acquaintance, chatting with people who matter, work.. amongst others.

but well, i hate seeing the same post here everytime i wanna see my own blog *that's pretty frequent.. given that i still am in love with the layout.* so i shall go ahead and rant about things that completely rile me.

a. kangna ranaut's english. no, it doesn't irritate me MOST or anything. was just top of mind. esp her trying to say "kangraychulayshuns" to ___ and his "byooteephull" bride. STOP!!!! speak in hindi. it's okay. it really is.
b. the chicks who roam around in 2 inch skirts and stockings. when it's 3 degrees outside. and i'm layered in 4 layers of clothing and shivering. HOW the hell do u pull that off!!!! tell me someone, plz!!! are there thermal stockings i'm not aware of...??
c. the guy on the train who believes that everybody else in the compartment would like to listen to "mundian te bachke rahi". in london. plug the damn thing in ur ear! or at least update ur taste in music to today's day and age.
d. ppl who think they deserve to be respected for their age and wisdom. pls prove the latter. i shall respect u.
e. ppl behaving snooty and looking down on everything that's saleable. YOU don't like it. fine. stop insisting that everything that's commercial is crap. it's not. it earns a lot of ppl their livelihood. and entertains a lot more people. unlike what u do. nobody's forcing it down ur throat, u know? so, scoot!
f. intellectual innocence. genuine daftness. whatever u call it. i just wish i could stay away from it. and those that display it proudly. SIGH.
g. ppl who insist that the iPhone is "awesome". go, get a life! it isn't. it doesn't deserve anymore space on my blog than it already has. and no, i don't care that this makes me seem less kewl. suits me fine.
h. guys who don't understand that NO is an answer. and that usually means they shouldn't ask for what they already did. the answer will not change if u repeat the question. i do have tremendous amounts of patience. i may, however, block u if i run out of it.
i. people who fold books and attempt to read them. it hurts me to watch. i feel like snatching the book from their hands, straightening it out and telling them how to read.
j. intrusive questions. unless u're close to me and i do discuss my life with u - on media other than this blog - u do NOT need to know anything about me. least of all about my job or when i'm going to have kids. my husband doesn't care as much as u do about my biological clock. so pls find someone a li'l more tolerant. and don't call me arrogant for not entertaining u.
k. ppl who AFTER being messaged on chat immediately revert with an "are u there?" NO. that was the ghost in my room buzzing u from my id. whatchoo gonna do??

oh yeah, btw..there's a ghost in this apartment. *and no, it's not me - for any of u who wished to suggest that. HAHA. funny. yeah, right!* the door opened by itself late on sat night - dewdrop's witness to that.
this morning, the washing machine started automatically. i asked the flat-mate if she'd set it... and she hadn't. there were no clothes in it, after all. so yeah.. am kinda spooked out.