Nov 18, 2008

all i want is...

a couple days back, dewdrop asked me whether vin was the exact opposite of what i wanted in a guy.
and then we spotted some shiny blue boots and ran into a DM store. and the shiny blue boots had really icky plastic/rubber BEIGE soles... EWWW... yeah, i
know! can't even find decent footwear these days. sigh!

but well, since i didnt answer her, and i KNOW she reads this blog, i shall do it here.

if you'd asked me 10 years back, as to what i wanted in a guy, i'd say:
:: good looking. as well as well dressed.
:: intelligent.
:: good sense of humor
:: should speak GOOD english. and hindi. *i was a complete sucker for people who speak well. more so, in english. u know when mugdha godse says to piggy chops in fashion "tum small town girls ki problem kya hai? achchi english mein maang lo... kuch bhi de doge?" yeah, i used to be somewhat like that... though not that daft. i think!*
:: should be able to "understand" me. by this, i mostly meant it literally. that he should understand what i speak.
yeah, shallow i was. and condescending.

if u had asked me about 5 years back, i'd say
:: the ability to make me laugh. with him, not AT him *which happened a lot*. also, without either of us having to try too hard.
:: no potbelly, no moustache, no beard... well, not that i wanted adonis... but yeah, if we stand together, he shouldn't look like i'm trying to get back at my parents for something. if i were someone of fewer words, i'd say "presentable". but apparently, i'm not.
:: good conversation skills. the ability to "hold" a conversation. and make me seem interested. very difficult, given that i was mostly self absorbed. but that i know now... then it was amazing if a guy could get me to speak to him on topics other than work.
:: had to be able to drive a car. don't ask me why. but this WAS a valid, legit criteria.
:: should not be over-possessive and insist on me not talking to my friends bcoz they were guys. well. i knew guys like this. and i realized i did not want them! :D
:: did not have an ex gurlfriend who would then make it the purpose of her life to mail me and tell me that i had stolen her boyfriend. yes, i knew women like this too. and no, i could do without the drama. really.

but all of that changed over time... as did i. i lost some of my extreme superiority complex *lost the extreme bit, i think*. and i became a lot more human. and realized that it was okay to give people a chance. sometimes.

and then, i met vin. and i realized that i COULD indeed get a guy who undoubtedly is in a much higher league than i was. or would ever be. he was what i hoped to be, someday. of course, he doesn't know this. and i wouldn't have ever agreed to it, but still. this is confession time. and i don't lie on this space. i merely evade the truth when necessary ;)

but it was then, after meeting him, that i "knew" that as long as my guy:

:: was passionate about his work and wasn't working coz he "had to"...
:: understood that respect had to be earned. by both of us....
:: knew what he wanted. from himself. from me. from life...
:: was secure. with himself. with me. with "us"....
:: could make me smile simply by "being there"...
:: realized the importance of accepting me the way i was and giving me my time & space....
:: could hold a conversation. or make me feel comfortable with his silence...
:: loved me. enough to want me for an entire lifetime...
nothing else really mattered.

of course, factors like he didn't have a potbelly, moustache or beard, wasn't an alcoholic, spoke good english, did not wear rubber chappals on a date, knew his bollywood films... DID help his case. quite a bit.
and of course, so did his dimples!

to answer dewdrop... he may not have been what i wanted at 18. but he was - and is - everything i'll ever need. :)

21 comments:

Galadriel said...

that is most moving. god bless you both! :)

Anonymous said...

:) very very sweet...got me to smile even in my curent muddled state...

suma

La vida loca said...

I think N is the kind of person I want to be like...get u there.
Here's to fantastic partners/spouses.

Pixie said...

what a sweet sweet post!!! :)
The last line -
" he may not have been what i wanted at 18. but he was - and is - everything i'll ever need." - AMEN!

Prashanti :) said...

good one rayshma. Its so amazing to know how much our needs from a partner change over time . At 18, I wanted a cute fair guy with specs who I always imagined in a red t-shirt :) My guy has specs for sure and even now I like him best in his red gap tshirt :)

Prashanti

Suruchi said...

aww...so cute...how abt mailing this to vin...he may just fly down to UK by next flight...:-)

Mimi said...

awwwwwwwwwwww sooo sweet!!

Compulsive Dreamer said...

Awww! thats so sweet....

DewdropDream said...

You really love Vin :) And you lauve meeeeee!! :D I do wish I'd met you when I was 18... would have made life a lot easier for me :)

And HOW typical of us both to forget important matters under discussion the second we see shiny blue boots :D

You're tempting me to do a post as well, lekin you know my policy.

And umm... Vin and you will adopt me? I will make you cheesecake every single day. Mazoor?

P.S: Vin rocks :)

rayshma said...

dewdrop: :)) ess i do. ur life is fine. when u were 18, i was rather screwed in the head.. may not have worked out! :D
vin and i are currently in dire need of being adopted. if u know someone, put us up pliss? then, i promise we'll adopt u! :D

CD: thanks :)

mimi: how've u been, eh?! :)

suruchi: u will NOT mail this. r'ber what i told u on gtalk! :D

prashanti: HAHAHA!! that is so cute! :D

pix: thx :)

loca: cheerz! :)

suma: and why art thou muddled?

galadriel: kind words from the lady of lorien?? am i hallucinating?? ;)
thanks, gurl! :)

Pavi!!!! said...

Awwww...

Touchwood!n cheers to the relationship...God Bless the 2 of u :)

BTW..does distance make the heart grow fonder? ;)

Preethi said...

aawww... beautiful post!!!

rayshma said...

preethi: thanks :D

pavs: thx. catch me online! ;)

Amey said...

No rubber chappals on a date... Good pointer ;)

rayshma said...

amey: deal breaker, that can be :)

Amey said...

Much knowledge, you give me. To good use, I will put it :D

Anil P said...

Meaning thinge don't really change in terms of choice. It's just that they are arrived at differently :)

TheKing said...

Thats a heavy mushy post and a very good one!!!

And are you watching sexNthecity along with lots of mushy movies these days?

rayshma said...

mahesh: nopes.. neither. guess was being honest and it ended up sounding like mush! ;)

anil: priorities change. over time. :)

amey: lol! not always that anyone thinks its knowledge.. so u're welcome ;)

DotThoughts said...

only you can write such a heartfelt post with such wonderful humor. vin is uber ;ucky to have a talended raysh:) wishing much happniess to both of you!

rayshma said...

thx, dottie! :)