of love... and life

i read somewhere:

"every woman has exactly that love life, that she had decided in her mind, when she was 12 years old"

hmm...

as far as i can remember.. when i was 12, i had no love life in mind. but the nearest i can think to that age... was when i wanted a guy who would love me a lot, who would be smart & witty and who would have a walk-in closet to house my shoes. i would also have preferred it if he had a horse.

well, other than the horse, i got it all, then!

i love me!

ok... i don't have anything of any consequence to blog... but am picking up loca's tag... and listing things i love abt myself. bcoz i want to. bcoz london's making me realize a lot of things. and fall in love. with myself. and with life. :)

i love the fact that i:
:: can smile even when i want to cry. if someone needs that smile. and they matter enough to me. and that smile will be genuine.
:: am an awesome friend to have, once u're in the inner circle. till then, it's a tad confusing... i could be rather self-centered.
:: can be, and/or seem to be, rather indifferent even while being extremely
attached to something/someone. it's not as confusing as it sounds.
:: can be rather entertaining. so if i like u. and u need ur spirits lifted. u can count on me. but well, if u're a friend, u already know that. so cross that out! :D
:: can make myself feel happy. irrespective of everyody and everything.
:: am good at networking. but i like to believe that is because i'm genuine.
:: am not ugly. and i know what suits me. and i carry off stuff rather well. yeah, i love that. i know i'm vain. so?
:: have expressive eyes. for ppl close to me, it's rather easy to know what's going on in my mind.
:: am unpredictable. yeah, despite the point above. that's coz i mostly don't know what i'm going to do till i do it. :D
:: do NOT discriminate. at ANY level.
:: know when to be modest. and when to leave that behind.
:: know how to keep ego away from my relationships.
:: am passionate about what i do for a living. and that i know, that it's not related to where i work. or what i do. it's how i do what i'm doing that matters to me.
:: am not easy. in any sense.
:: am real.

r'ship bluz...

*edited to add: title has been changed bcoz i had a prev post with the same title.

here's a true story i promised to publish for a friend.

*disclaimer: X & Y are real individuals. their names will not be mentioned coz they're both happily married. not to each other. if u know who i'm talking about, pls stay mum about it. we do not wish to discuss them publicly. this ideally, shouldn't be blogged about. but i thought it would help a friend. and i hope it does.*

so, once upon a time... there was a gurl X. and there was a boy Y. they had a lot in common. including their disdain for relationships, flings and people. they had both been in relationships as well as had flings prior to meeting each other. they both wore their "happy to be single" badges rather proudly.

what started as routine acquaintance, soon turned into friendly, harmless flirting. neither took it seriously. Y was known to flirt with all women. X, also enjoyed flirting. she thought it added some spice to friendship.

Y, at this stage was regularly meeting other gurls. for matrimonial purposes. he used to discuss these meetings with X and they used to laugh over them. he started liking X. he thought she was everything a woman should be. she was smart, intelligent, independent, funny, knew how to handle relationships, attitude and life. they did have a lot in common.
then, one fine day, X met Y for coffee and told him how a "friend" of hers had told her he liked her. and she was upset about it because she thought he was a good friend. she also told him how she felt about people not being able to control their feelings and ruining perfectly good friendships. Y agreed with everything she said. and argued for the point, even louder.
the truth was, X liked Y too. she thought he was a simple, down-to-earth guy who made her laugh. and she'd have liked to give this r'ship a shot. but she did not know that he liked her. and she wasn't the kind of girl who'd ever tell a guy that she liked him. also, she didn't want to risk losing him as a friend merely to give the r'ship a shot!

they both believed that they were too old to "fall madly in love" anymore. they'd seen enough of life. and believed that life was all about taking a decision and not looking back.

they decided to let things take their own course.

gradually, unknown to each other, they both started liking each other quite a bit. all their friends knew. the friends thought that these two had confessed their liking to each other. but these two, kept quiet. hoping the other person liked them, but not wanting to say it. they even laughed at how their friends kept talking of them as a "couple".

this went on for almost a year. by this time, both knew they liked the other. and both refused to let the other know. they both kept going out of their way for the other. thinking that these were signs to the other. but they were so alike... neither of them saw the signs. and if they did, they refused to believe in them.

then one fine day, X told Y that she was meeting someone her parents wanted her to. for matrimonial purposes. Y, in his usual nonchalant manner said "go ahead. have fun." that did it for X. she went ahead and agreed to the nuptials believing that Y didn't care for her beyond friendship. tired of waiting for him to realize he liked her, she went ahead and got engaged. Y was quite heartbroken. and confessed to X - two days after her engagement - that he liked her. that he had always liked her. but hadn't known how to tell her. and now, he couldn't pretend to be happy for her.

but life isn't a hindi movie. X told him that she had waited for almost a year to hear that. and now that she did, it was too late. she had taken her decision. and they should move on.

today, they're no longer friends. i don't know if they miss each other. i don't know if they are happy with their respective partners. but i do believe that all of this could have been avoided if they had been honest about how they felt towards each other. they MAY have been happily married - TO each other. or they may have decided to go separate ways. but i guess they'll never know.

moral of the story *this is ONLY for the friend i wrote this for*: if u like someone, make sure u tell that person. LOUD. and CLEAR. leaving no room for doubt. because once u like a person, u can't be "just friends" with them! someone's heart is bound to be broken.

with me... always!

preethi tagged me to write about one material possession that i absolutely cherish. i'd also recently read dotmom's post on d same tag. well, for someone as possessive as me, writing of ONE is so difficult. more so, after i've read how beautifully these women have written about their beloved possessions, it makes the task that much more difficult!

i love everything i own. the cellphone i bought with my own money *the first gadget i'd ever bought with hard earned money*, d myriad footwear i hoard, which ensure that i never get caught on the wrong foot, the studded brooch passed on to me by mom, d typical & traditional maharashtrian studded pearl set with the nath, the bracelet with the single turquoise stone set amidst diamonds which belonged to my mom's mom and currently rests safely in india, my cherished jewelery box which travelled over the seas to be with me despite weight constraints *it weighs 1.35 Kilos*, the adorable ganesha that suruchi gifted me which i keep looking at all the time, the bright, happy green bell vibs gifted me on my b'day *she wrote "time to bell the cat" on d packing!*, d marble name-plate vibs got me which spells out my name in one piece of stone, the wine corks i collect, or the beautiful turquoise pendant and earrings which was V's wedding gift to me?

or maybe, my prized collection of stirrers which stir up a gadzillion memories. these stirrers have been with me since i started work. they are placed in an adorable designer cutting-chai glass, which i also treasure!
they've moved with me as i shifted jobs and found a place of honor on all my workstations! they've fought it out with me. and no, none has been stolen.

they bring back memories of my wonder years. they take me back to mondy's & leo's... d amazingly lazy times spent there... there are 2 that read 'toto's'... there's a couple from moshe *the transparent ones*, taking me back to the lazy lunches & mango cheesecake...

there are a few that read "CO" - they go back to my first visit to d sports bar... for some strange reason that i don't recollect, i'd had nimbu pani that day! that also reminds me of the transformation from the first visit to the time i knew the server's family history and the manager knew my fave drinks and my membership number!

the shocking pink are from poly's... and remind me of vibs & d mad dancing-with-the-mirror fighting! d butterfly/bow-shaped ones are from enigma... when we were too tired to go anywhere far *that was near suruchi's place*.. there's a couple from zenzi... three from china joe's and two from Vie... they bring back fond memories of some really well spent evenings... of people who were friends and sadly, can no longer be referred to as the same...

then there are a couple from goa - that remind me of d days when i cud party all night and get back to work the next day... also, of the time when we were 3 single women, partying & getting high on the sun, sand & surf!

the star-shaped ones are from harmless "sweet limes" had at various restaurants in b'bay... a'bad... UP... delhi...

there's the stirrer from my first stay at bro & bhabhi's home in b'lore... there's another couple that we flicked from jumeira in dxb. when, tired after working for the event & starving due to lack of food availability *coz of ramadan!* we finally found food in the "covered, hidden" area of jumeira hotel! that also reminds me of the bonding with AAH... and him picking another stirrer after i'd flicked one, saying "wot the hell!"
then there are those "sent over" by adorable clients, who knew i liked stirrers... smirnoff, bacardi.. coke. the trumpet stirrer takes me back to when a colleague, D, sang with a band at the not just jazz by the bay... amazing voice, wonderful person. i wonder where she is now...

good times... better memories... and the best possession... people bring back souvenirs. i bring back stirrers.

p.s.:
i tag all of you open to a challenge, to take this up. specifically, i tag suruchi, ks, pixie and lavs! fuzzy & orch, are u gurls done with ur pending tags, so i can start tagging u again?!

edited to add: i hereby officially tag suruchi and galadriel on ALL tags that i undertake. neither has the right to debate this announcement!

in sickness and in health...

i'm not a very sickly person. in fact, i don't fall ill often enough. not even as a child. i didn't fall ill too frequently... but whenever i did, it was usually something serious!

the last time i was unwell was....... okk... i don't remember d date. but i r'ber suruchi having picked me up from my PGs and taken me to her place! and i wasn't like really "unwell" that day. just high on cough syrup. i took quite a bit of it coz i thot i was "going to be" unwell. hehe. yeah, that was fun! more fun to see the intrigued look on her face. trying to figure out if i'm unwell, high or both! but i'm digressing...

i wasn't well the past few days. and for a change, it wasn't anything serious. THIS, i say now. u should've heard me two days back. i asked V if i would die. and what he'd do if i died. *he was wise wnuf to shut up on my questions* yeah, i'm very melodramatic, that ways. i think i'm going to die even if i get a headache. but then, i've never known what it's like to be normally unwell.

what i would LOVE to know is HOW this man manages to filter the melodrama from fact. coz honestly, i couldn't have managed alone yesterday. and that's when i realized how much i like being married. to him. that he was indeed the rite guy. coz only the right guy would come home early... much early from work when his wife, the drama queen, mails him saying "not feeling well. at all."

with my acting skills *as those of u who know me would nod in agreement* it's very difficult to ascertain when i'm feigning and when i'm serious. over mail, all the worse. but so far, in the one year six months that we've lived together, he has managed really well. wonder what gives me away every time!

and purely for my reference, at any future point in time, when i fall ill again. our conversation immediately after he came home and found me curled up on the couch.

me: i'm not well. at all.
v: what happened? *knowing fully well what had happened*
me: feeling queasy. head's throbbing real bad. feeling giddy when i stand up.
v: did u eat anything? *this coz i pestered him to disclose the location of the meds. i think he doesn't tell me coz he's scared i'll OD on them!*
me: don't feel like eating.
v: but u can't take any meds without food.
me: i can't eat. my head's hurting.
v: the food'll go in ur stomach. not ur head. *pause* unless, of course, ur digestive system's in ur head.

*longer pause. analysing d risk factor of pushing this NOW, when i'm not well enuf to kill him*

that wud also explain ur brains being in ur toes, wudn't it?
maybe that's y u don't like anyone touching ur head. who likes to be petted on their tummy!? hehehe...

yeah, he is d purrfect man for me!

must be love...

- he looks lost. so lost that his wife begins to think it's something to do with her.
- he obsesses over losing his hair. he wishes he had long, curly locks.
- he believes that moving your hands and legs about, *irrespective of where d music is headed* is dancing. and, dancing well, at that too.
- he loves his work a tad bit lesser than he loves his wife. just a tad! *that's wot she likes to believe. let her!*
- he doesn't talk while eating. *there go d "romantic" candle light dinners!*
- he hasn't heard of traveling light. *he carries almost half his wardrobe when he travels for two days*
- he can't pack his own bag.
- he still hasn't proposed formally to his wife.
- he'd be happiest on a ranch - complete with cattle, goats, chicken and horses! but is happy enough to adopt city life for fear his wife may go berserk!
- he gets bouts of "sing-a-holism" when he believes he's sonu nigam. or shaan, or himesh. or james blunt.
- he forgets the lyrics to almost every song he starts "singing". so he merges them with lyrics he remembers.
- he quotes the corniest dialogues EVER from hindi films. at any given opportunity.

tomorrow, it'll be a year we've been together. and i still want to be with him. for many more years to come. not despite all this. but maybe, because of this. and so much more.

must be love...!

life is simple.

a close fren of mine recently asked me "why did u marry V?"
and he set me thinking. i don't know. why does anybody marry anybody?

i gave him the usual gyaan that i give almost anybody who asks me for any gyaan on the topic. but i know. i hadn't used any theory. i hadn't made a bullet-point list of pro's and con's when it came to V. he asked me if i'd marry him. and i said yes. i didn't even realize that this was the first and probably, last time that any man would ask me to marry him. i didn't get butterflies in my stomach while i said yes. i don't think i even realized what i'd committed to till we were actually exchanging rings. after that, it was too late to think, wasn't it?! so i didn't think of it after that.

i'm not a very mushy, emotional woman. i know where my heart is on most days. and this non-thinking, going with the moment works for me. i seldom think about what i'm going to do. i'm impulsive. and so far, it's helped.

i wasn't "madly in love" with him, then. in fact, i wasn't "madly in love" with anyone. coz i didn't believe in being "madly in love". *conceptual issues!* it was a very filmy emotion for me. restricted to the crappy movies i keep watching. 'love' to me is a mix of compatibility, attraction, moments of passion and more than all, the WILL to commit the rest of your life to ONE significant other. *that's another topic for another day...*

his *my frenz, not V's* bone of contention was "how d'u know u won't come across someone better after u've taken the step and gotten married?" well, dear... i don't. nobody can predict the future. but for me, marriage was not about fairy tale romance. it was about waking up to face the same person every day. consistently. it was not about feeling the alleged "thrill" of being in love daily. it was about being with someone who loves me enough to want me for the rest of his life. it was about knowing that he'll be there for me IF & WHEN i were to fall.
and now i know, it's about hugging ur hubby voluntarily when he comes home...tired & smelling like chicken feed. *THIS is entirely situational. and does NOT happen daily, mind u!*

life is simple. until we complicate it with our thought processes. it's not about "finding" someone better than u have. it's about making a choice. and not looking back.

love is...

stopping by the department parking lot to pluck the dainty, wild flowers that "she" gushed about so much last week, making sure that they remain safe till "he" reaches home via bus with haversack & other paraphernalia and giving them to her like they were no effort at all.

who needs words...?