super, gurl!

a recent conversation with a friend set me thinking. we were discussing life. and how to manage etc *d usual "i'm-feeling-blue" topics* when she said, "u'll manage. u're superwoman." i don't think she meant it, actually. so i pushed it back to a corner of my mind. but well, in a conversation with hubby yesterday, he said something identical.
hmm... due to lack of other interesting pursuits, it set me thinking. am i actually as efficient as i seem to be? or am i just extremely adept at making people believe i am? or is it just another way to get me to do things he doesn't want to do? *this, pertaining ONLY to hubby*

today, i chanced upon this quiz which apparently tells u what superhero/heroine you are. and here're my results.

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl 100% Superman 85% Wonder Woman 85% Robin 70% Green Lantern 70% The Flash 60% Hulk 50% Catwoman 45% Batman 45% Spider-Man 40% Iron Man 25%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...


so... am i actually that kewl?
to be honest, i know the answer. i'm not. i'm no superwoman/girl. i'm just good ol' imperfect me. but, it sure feels good to know that i can fake it as supergirl in a quiz! ;)

P.S.: note that it doesn't say superWOMAN! hmm... need to work on that, do i?

happy endings

there's something about reading, light fluffy novels that can't be matched by anything else. i don't mean the mills & boons kind. i've only read one of those in my entire life. couldn't get myself to pick another! i mean, books like girl alone, piece of cake, if andy warhol had a girlfriend, his & hers, tuesday's child etc etc.

there's something so heartwarming about these stories. something that is so "relatable." *i know that aint a word, but i like it!* some point where i can connect and feel "been there, done that." they serve multiple functions. they uplift my mood *if i'm feeling a tad blue*, they help me reflect *if i'm feeling shallow*, they help me get lost in a different world & snap back to mine with amazing ease. they're easy to read, usually have big font & good spacing *a fren of mine told me that was crucial if he were to read a book!*, they don't even take too much time to read.
there was a time when i used to carry these books with me while traveling; so i could read them on flights. they ensured that by the time i landed, i was in a cheery, good mood.

and of course, they all have happy endings. the protagonist finds d "true love" that she's been looking for thru the book, all problems solved. somewhat like a true bollywood flick. i noticed that most typical bollywood movies *that I like* have happy endings. d 'happily-ever-after' kinds.

but then, that's what entertainment is to me. don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like meaningful books or movies. just that, there're times when u just want to leave everything behind and feel good for sometime. when u want to believe that everything will work out, that life will sort itself. only a light movie or book can tide me out of those times.
no wonder i love them so.

and as we near the end of another beautiful year, *it HAS been good to me* that's what i want to look forward. to another happy ending.

Merry X'mas!

...single & rocking!

was watching sex & d city y'day. i'd never seen it before, but now that i'm catching up on that, i realise why it was such a huge success. if u live in a place like bbay, u can SO relate to carrie bradshaw & her friends. more so, if u're a single woman in the big bad city.
maybe the sexual escapades are magnified to suit NY/America or the audience preferences *whichever!*, but the overall thread of the serial is SO relatable! it eerily makes me miss my hey days. when i was single, footloose & fancyfree!

i miss all those vodka-with-sprite/tequila shot evenings. i miss the days we've walked, talked, walked-d-talk, danced till the wee hours of the morning, fought for "mirror space" in discs *poly's, club 9, goa...*, drunk ourselves silly, cried openly, laughed *with or without reason*, reflected on the past, wondered about the future, tried to figure out life & it's myriad complications, ordered ice-creams past mid-night *ONLY to see if they deliver at that hour*, flirted just for d sake of flirting, teased each other over non-existent crushes, hated each other, loved each other, watched each others' backs all the time...

we've been envied by other not-so-single women. we've, at times, envied those women. wanted to know what it's like to be in their shoes. waited for our prince charming to come driving by *who wud wanna get on a horse in bbay?* & sweep us off our feet! and still wanting to retain our independence. the working hard, so we could party harder! partying till the wee hours of the morning only to be in at work, alert & fresh by 9:00 the next morning. sharing our darkest secrets, laughing at jokes only we understand, going clothes shopping during lunch hours, *after eating, of course!* so you cud party at night post work. the nautankii that passed off for attitude. the attitude, which passed off as nautanki! it seems like such a long time ago. almost a different day & age. and maybe, it was. but the memories will always be as fresh in my mind. and they transport me to a time when i could be *and was* reckless, carefree and single.

as john lennon once said: "life is what happens to you when u're busy making other plans." life may be very different now, and i will never be single again. but those days will always be missed.

p.s.: this piece is dedicated to V. life wouldn't be the same without you. u rock, babes!

a li'l same, a li'l different.

looking back at the time when i was 10 or 12... i think: i'm so different now! i've grown up... i don't know, for sure. am i really a different person? let's see.

then: i heard everyone out, and did exactly what i thought i should do.
now: ditto. except that everyone has figured out i'll do exactly what i want. so, i get lesser advice.
then: i realised that u can't have everyone like or agree with u all the time.
now: i just don't care if anyone agrees with me or likes me.
then: education was important. i had to study if i wanted to do well in life.
now: i've realised that beyond a point, u're on ur own. no educational brand can do anything for u. it does give u perspective, though.
then: i was a pure romantic. believed ardently that there is only one true love.
now: i think love is a very loosely used term. it has so many meanings. i'm not sure i know all of them.
then: relationships were simple. u either like a person or don't.
now: there's LOTS of grey. in every person; in yourself; in every r'ship.
then: raindrops brought a smile to my face.
now: raindrops sometimes bring a tear to my eye as well.
then: i had a lot of friends; some often let me down.
now: i've learnt to distinguish between friends & acquaintances.
then: i looked forward to growing up.
now: i want to bring out the kid in me more often.
then: dressing up meant a nice outfit, good shoes and brushed hair.
now: dressing up means working on my hair long enuf that they don't look 'worked on' *like that's possible with my tresses!*, an outfit which fits well, looks chic, suits the occasion and looks good on u without making you seem overdressed or overweight AND co-ordinated footwear.
then: i wanted to become a vet & marry a stud-farm owner!
now: i'm married to a vet virologist & he's FAR from owning a stud farm. and no, i am not a vet!
then: good treats were chocolates. the darker, the better!
now: nothing beats a good pastry & coffee. dark chocolates are in-between-meals treats!
then: guilty pleasure was snooping in the fridge behind ma's back & sneaking a bite off the yummy pudding in there!
now: no comments!!

life has changed. i guess, i have adapted. not changed. maybe, the core of who you are doesn't change. you merely adjust your exterior layers to suit whatever situations you're going through. and u learn. a different truth. everyday.

just a year ago...

last year this time:
- i did not know how to light the gas. *the match or lighter, for that matter*
- i had stepped into the kitchen only to get myself a drink *water or coke, essentially* or chat with ma while she whipped up a delish meal for moi. *now, i hv reached a stage, where i can manage a 4-course meal*
- 11.00 p.m. was not bed time. it was time to connect with regional clients on content plans, daily/weekly/monthly numbers & sorting out next day's content deliveries accordingly.
- T-Series could dish out the crappiest music, i'd STILL listen to it. insist my friends hear it too. AND quiz auto/cab drivers abt what content they'd like on their phones! *gosh! i needed a shrink, eh?*
- i had no time to think of whether i really liked what i did. *that kept me happy, trust me!*
- i had no time to look for a new job.
- if someone had told me i'd be married this time next year and leave the country, i'd have laughed my head off.
- 'chicken' were produced so i could eat them. ONLY. bird flu or no bird flu!
- most married women would have eyed me suspiciously if i were caught talking to their men.
- i didn't have a blog.
- i had neither the time nor the inclination to consider joining a networking site.
- if someone had told me i'll enjoy being unemployed for over 6 months at a stretch, i'd have made them rinse their mouth immediately.
- i had never done my dishes and/or laundry myself.
- i had never shared my room with anyone. leave alone, an entire house!
- i had never used someone else's credit card to shop for myself.
- x'mas was only a GOOD one-day off, when i could hang out at crossword!
- butter paneer & lachcha paratha was an ideal, daily lunch.
- i weighed under 50 kgs!

so much has changed in less than a year! wonder how much will change in the next one... whatever it is, the past year was good. very good. and hopefully, so will the next be.

to happy memories...

... calvin has re-opened my eyes to d basic reality of life...
i want to look back & have happy, really happy memories. of having lived my life, my way.

today's a beautiful day! and off i go creating & collecting memories that'll last me a lifetime.
job, or no job!

hero worship

background: we were watching a daily soap; where d protagonist, michael krieger, is a virologist. he "provides" viruses for biological warfare. he uses humans to test these viruses. and has recently hired a rather hot-looking bodyguard for his girlfriend.

me: wow! why don't u do something that's this cool?
vin: that's exactly what i do.
me: u create viruses?
vin: yes? u know that?!?
me: then how is it that krieger lives in a sprawling mansion & we live here??
vin: he's into biological warfare. he owns the lab. and has pots of black money. i work at the lab. and pay my taxes. and also, i would prefer using viruses for positive, more uplifting purposes.
me: like making money?
vin: that, too. eventually. but fighting illness was more like what i had in mind.
me: do u test on humans too?
vin: NO! i work on avian viruses. we test on chickens. u've been to the lab!
me: yeah. but i thought, rather hoped, that there was more that u haven't told me.
vin: u WANT me to be "evil"? so u can then, show me the path to "goodness & humanity"?
me: no! i really don't care. i just was hoping u'd hire a bodyguard like jack for me someday!
vin: so u can have a fling with him while i attempt to save the world?
me: oh, my hero! u can even read my mind now!?

i am

i am ambitious
- i want to make purrfect chapatis from granulated, dark-brown, whole-grain wheat atta. *this, when i've recently learnt to cook*
- i want to make a 7-course meal for new years.
- i want to be "employed" by april.
- i want to write a book someday.

i am cute
- i comment on peoples appearances/behaviour *i'm politically correct, tho* and when they over-hear, give them a puppy-face and say "that was a compliment". and they say "thank you" with a broad smile.
- i can carry off a 'two-pony-tails' look even today!
- i don't call hubby when he's at work even if i get locked out of d house. *i don't like disturbing him*
- i've already made my 'naughty or nice' list for santa and placed it in a stocking near a x'mas tree.

i am mean
- i make hubby cook on weekends.
- hubby has to mail me a report on if & why he needs to work on a weekend. in excel. on friday evening. THEN, i check it for formatting & typos!
- i don't call/talk/mail people i do not like/get along with. *the list's pretty long!* i don't even answer their calls if they attempt calling me.

i am a dreamer
- i dream of spending every alternate weekend watching the sunset over the beach. with hubby.
- i dream of achieving the balance between a happy personal & a successful professional life. *yeah, i live in utopia*
- i dream of catching santa red-handed when he drops down d chimney on x'mas!
- i dream of how much fun my close frenz would have, were they to come over to visit me.

i am myself. the way only i can be.

JOB Inc.com

i recently discovered that it's difficult to look for a job. it's been a week now since i posted my resume online. and nobody who's called me with a job offer wants me to stay in texas. and i refuse to leave my hubby. so i've had a depressing week of turning down job profiles i absolutely LOVED!

it's more difficult, when u haven't had to "look" for a job since u convocated *i hate saying "passed out!" i didn't "pass out", i walked out!* it's never been difficult in the past 4 odd years. maybe coz i stayed at the hub *bbay*, where if i quit one job, i had 4 others in the pipeline, waiting to be signed on. maybe because i worked in a niche, growing industry. maybe because i already dealt with my future recruiters & they'd be more than happy to have me on their side. *that's what we use our "communication management" for, i guess!*
now, it suddenly seems SO different. and difficult. and that's because:
a. i don't have a network here.
b. i barely understand their accents. *i follow if i'm face-to-face with them; phone calls are difficult. really difficult.*
c. i can't relocate. *cowboy land it is*
d. i need a visa sponsor.
e. i need to plan for a job, which i would be doing a YEAR from now! *?!?!?*
f. i don't know what i want to do. *this, has been a perpetual problem. so, can be ignored*

plus, i have no clue why i'm looking for a job. it's not that i want a job. but yeah, i might want it after a year. hmm... i hadn't thought so much even before deciding to get married! i'm impulsive. i haven't ever been able to plan things & execute those plans. *that's not a gr8 thing to say when u're looking for a job, is it?*

now, all i can do is hope that my half-hearted attempts at speaking to the barneys *who specified, his name was LIKE d purple dinosaurs* and lynnes and reisers and travis's bear me some results. positive ones, at that too!

'spirit'ual disappointment

me: umm... vin, did u sleep well last night?
v: yeah, why?
me: no... as in, had u woken up last night? after i fell asleep?
v: any reason for the early morning interrogation? i thought u were "slow" in d mornings?!
me: yeah, but u know, there's something strange going on.
v: besides the early morning questioning?
me: i remember having kept the chocolate eclairs back in the fridge before sleeping last night.
v: and?
me: and... the entire plate is on the couch right now! and there's only ONE eclair left!
v: hmm... u count the eclairs?
me: the door was double-locked. nobody could've gotten it either. remember this had happened last week also?
v: *suddenly, VERY interested* we'd got chocolate eclairs last week?
me: tch.. no! the brownie plate was out! don't u r'ber? u said i must've forgotten to put it back?
v: *losing interest again* oh... that!
me: maybe this house is haunted! do you believe in spirits?
v: the kinds u drink? yes! bring them on! but isn't it early for that? i also have to leave, u know!
me: no, silly... the other kinds. the kinds who haunt others. haven't u seen any ghost movies? ghostbusters?? the kind of spirits who're sometimes good, sometimes evil...
v: the hungry kinds who eat chocolate eclairs & brownies on our couch? yeah, rite! i sure do!

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turns out, the "spirit" in my house happens to be my dear hubby who refuses desert coz he's brushed his teeth before i remind him to have desert. so he wakes up in the night, eats some, while watching 'that 70's show' *which is aired at 1.30 am for some strange reason!* and as is his habit, forgets to put them back in place! and i thought we had our own pet 'spirit'! how disappointing...!

what's in a name?

i've never understood the ritual of women having to change their surnames after getting married. i'd rather, that this be a matter of individual choice. much like religion or faith. isn't it as personal anyways?

don't get me wrong, i'm not a feminist. i don't have anything against being one either, just that i can't see their point of view. i'd rather have my man open the door for me, pull a chair for me, kill d roaches/insects, move furniture et al... but i'm digressing, as usual! i was thinking... & talking... of changing my surname. of adopting hubby's surname. and then, i thought again.
it's just that i've been known forever with my original name. that includes my surname. it's a part of my identity. like my eye-color or my fingerprints. i can't change these *we aren't talking color contact lenses here* so why should i be expected to change my surname? more so, if u're as non-communicative as i am... half the people in your life wouldn't know that u've tied the knot, *this includes people i genuinely love* it would make it really difficult for them to get in touch with me!

and no, i don't even want to suffix his surname to mine. that just makes my name longer. MUCH longer. i don't have d patience to write it out.

besides, ALL d documents i'd have to get changed! passport, visa, I-20, driving license, ration card, e-mail id *this is the scariest!!*... the list seems endless. and the procedures for all of these would be endless too! just thinking of it gives me the creeps!

considering all this, *and other unseen, un-thought-of factors* i would still like to retain my name. and anyways, what's in a name, rite?!

random notes to myself

some things i don't want to forget. ever. in other words, gyaan that I need to remember:

- never forget your obligations. always be there for people who've been there for you through your lows.
- adapt to changing circumstances. life changes, change with it. the more you resist, the worse it'll get.
- take responsibility for your actions. even at times, when u know you can get away with it. more so, at such times. it develops your character.
- have faith. belief isn't enough, at times, if you've got to get through life. you need faith! it CAN move mountains!
- be happy. at the end of the day, nothing else matters. and no, i'm not saying be selfish. sometimes, seeing someone you love happy, may make you feel happier than anything you might do for yourself. you may not be happy everyday -- but u can try!
- stay in shape. otherwise, someday, you're going to look back at older pics & feel "gosh! did i ever look so good?!"
- travel. seeing the world, interacting with different cultures/people lends you a different perspective. broadens the way you think.
- travel light. it always comes handy.
- be open minded. but not so open-minded, that ur brains fall out of your ears! find the balance. and stick to it.
- always, ALWAYS, make time for yourself. you MUST have a life. irrespective of what you do or how much you earn. have a few passions, which'll keep you alive.
- never forget: nothing and nobody is indispensable. you lived before this experience. you will live after it, as well. the way you live might change, but this change is usually, for the better. it makes you stronger - always!
- don't let anybody take you for granted. EVER.
- be grateful for everything you have. there are lots of people who'd do anything to be in your place. this doesn't mean, don't strive for more. do that. it helps to have some ambition. but acknowledge & appreciate what you have.
- never say NEVER. u'll inadvertently end up doing exactly what u "never" wished to do! that's life.

purrfect child?

post-dinner conversation with hubby. hubby was working on something to do with DNA alterations *in chicken, not humans!*. the type of stuff that alters the behavioural patterns of virus or some such!

me: u could modify the DNA of our children & customise them to look the way we want them to?
v: yeah, i could.
me: hmm... so we could have blonde, blue-eyed kids?
v: we could. yes.
me: would the kid have the intellect of a blonde too?
v: i could change that as well.
me: so, we could have a kid who looks like george clooney or cameron diaz, have the business acumen of bill gates and is nothing like either of us or our families?
v: yeah we could. do you want to?
me: umm... have a child or customise him/her?
v: customise the child WHEN we want to have one
me: on second thoughts. NO!
v: y? don't want a perfect child?
me: yeah!perfection scares me. makes me feel like there's something wrong, but i can't put my finger on it!

disclaimer: i'm not sure hubby was serious about the fact that he CAN carry off such alterations. he's a vet virologist, shouldn't trust him with human babies!

memories 4m mumbai...

bbay, to me, will always be divided into segments.

the initial impression: i hated the city. there were too many people all over the place all the time! for a person like me, who needed all the space in the world, this definitely was claustrophobic! i was afraid that if i stayed here long enough, i'd become one of these people. a nameless face, a faceless name - with no identity. just hurtling along like cattle. i was so mistaken!

the wonder years: when i wondered about how amazing a city bbay was. wonder where else would i have found such amazing friends. where else would i be able to live my life, my way, and yet be amongst people. live with people, but not by them! i loved the space the city was giving me... despite the crowds.
- loved the anonymity that the city offered. loved the spirit, the soul of mumbai.
- loved the shopping sprees with close frens.
- the walks down marine drive *if u haven't walked down this path in the monsoons, u haven't really lived*
- the parks at breach candy where the waves crash onto the rocks
- hanging out at toto's, papa pancho, 5 spice, cha bar, brownie point... office parties with vodka shots in syringes, dancing like crazy to stoopid bollywood numbers at enigma & firang songs @ polys!
- spending entire days at crossword @ juhu/kemps corner *reading, browsing, buying, sorting out my head*
- barista : the daily visits. where else would they "reserve" the last slice of apple cake for you, because they knew you'd come in & ask for it! *i still think they should get the mocha pastry back!*
- the walks down kala ghoda over an extended lunch hour!
- taking the 9.06 to VT every day for 3 months. meeting my then colleague, now bestest friend on it.
- the food: the INR 1/- lunches at times house, the aam ras & sabudana khichadi *without dhaniya* at vitthal's, the wok @ noodle bar, the pasta at bbay blues, noorani's biryani, maaji saagar's schezwan dosa & cheese chutney s/w, shiv sagar's paneer dosa... truly wonderful!

the adoption: whether the city adopted me or i adopted the city is a question i may never be able to answer. but i know that i now have the city imbibed on my soul! this phase, i dedicate largely to hungama! the time when i truly fell in love with bbay. i could also dedicate it to the floods! but no, hungama's a less depressing alternative.
- the cabs/autos. cab-drivers, the beggar woman @ d linking road signal, agarbattis in cabs, bhojpuri music, t-series music, inane conversations with cabbies - all inclusive!
- HUTCH! not only for the amazing ability to drop calls or go out of coverage area when i most needed the phone, but for being my most memorable client. i guess, i made more friends than clients with them. and yeah, i do miss them!
- the obsession to watching only those movies to which we *hungama* had the rights! ended up watching lucky, HDKG, ABA AND aksar! actually, enjoyed all three! :)) also, was an emraan hashmi/celina jaitley fan! *heyy! they got downloads!!*
- the food again: moshe's. lazy sunday afternoons. love the place & d deserts! dal & chicken at mista paaji, the pronto's al fredo pasta & chocolate mousse, lachcha paratha & paneer from home deli, parle G. *gosh! i'm obsessed with food!*
- the memorable hungama offc party. *they should have them more often*
- sports bar. for all the wonderful evenings spent there. the client meetings i had there. the lunches we went for. the freebies they gave us.

to all of you who made these segments possible. love you all! always will.

...A for anecdotes!

anecdote I: conversation between my 3 year old nephew, A, & his dad.
A had borrowed his friend's batman figurine to play with. in the evening, his dad asked him to return it to the rightful owner.
A: *handing over d figurine to his dad* u make a copy of it. then i'll return it.
D: *perplexed* how do i make a copy of it?
A: *matter-of-factly* use the computer.
D: what?!?
A: *frustrated, at having to explain such simple things!* tch! make a copy on the computer. so i can then take it whenever i want, without having to ask my friend for it.

anecdote II: same nephew was wearing his pants really, REALLY low *the way 16+ yr olds wear it here. so that their undies are visible*. his mom pulled them up. he pulled them down again. this happened two more times, when his mom asked him why he was doing it. he says "that's the way i want to wear them. u don't know. it's cool". need i repeat, he's 3 years old!?

anecdote III: Santa gifted 'A' a boat at his school X'mas party. one of his class-mates asked to play with his new toy. A looked at him, and confidently told him "I would love to give it to you. But Santa told me not to share it with anyone."

anecdote IV: 'A' returned from school. his father noticed that he was hiding something in his shirt-pocket. when asked to be shown what it was, A refused, and kept hiding. then, A spotted his mother peeping into his pocket discreetly, realised there was no point in hiding things anymore and pulled out a cigarette butt from his pocket. gave it to his mom and said "light it for me, please?" i repeat, he's THREE years old!

and i thought calvin was the only one!