a friendship gone by...

someone i considered a close friend has disowned me. for real. i know i joked about it earlier saying that my friends were now disowning me and there were a lot of reasons why a lot of my close friends should disown me too.
but it surprises me that he didn't give me any reason for it. one evening, we were discussing life, as usual and said good night on the usual friendly terms... agreeing to meet the next day for lunch. *this was when i'd gone down to india* not only was i stood up for lunch by my very good friend *this has never happened to me before* but we haven't spoken a word to the other since then. and it's been almost six months now. initially, i was worried. thought of all the horrible things that could have happened to him. tried to reach him. but then, eventually, i realized that he just didn't want to keep in touch. why, i have no idea. i'm sure he has his own reasons for any/all of it. just that i don't know them. and now, i don't want to know them.

i'm not hurt by it anymore. it was quite some time back. and i don't really think of it all the time. but i just went thru his testimonial for me on orkut... and felt a little cheated. felt the words were empty, that that friendship probably had no meaning. that he didn't consider me as close a friend as he said. or as i considered him. also, my mom asked me about him when i spoke to her and i said "i don't know. lost touch." and i didn't feel upset about it.

why am i blogging about this so many months after it happened? because it took me so many months to get it out of my system. i tried to blog about it sooner, but couldn't. i didn't have the words. i still don't. but i just wanted to tell everybody else that's close to me... if u want to ever do the disappearing act, please mail me a line saying - "wanna disappear" - i assure u, i ask no questions and need no explanations!

the thing with me is i don't make friends very easily. but once i do, they're mine. and i'm fiercely possessive. of all of them! they can take me for granted, not call me, not mail me... they're forgiven everything. to me, they're the most superior creatures on the planet. they're above the norms of right and wrong. because at the end of the day, i know they understand me. and accept me for who i am. i may not speak to them for months, but a one-liner saying 'need to talk' and they'd be there for me. and vice-versa.

this incident just opened my eyes to the fact that nothing and nobody is permanent. that people change. friendships change, too. and the change may be that u're no longer a part of their life. and they, urs. and it's still alright. and if i mean so little to someone, then i'd rather that they not be a part of my life. took time to understand, but understand it i do.

it was, indeed, a pleasure knowing him in one of my lives. i hope he finds what /who he's been looking for.