Mar 17, 2008

a friendship gone by...

someone i considered a close friend has disowned me. for real. i know i joked about it earlier saying that my friends were now disowning me and there were a lot of reasons why a lot of my close friends should disown me too.
but it surprises me that he didn't give me any reason for it. one evening, we were discussing life, as usual and said good night on the usual friendly terms... agreeing to meet the next day for lunch. *this was when i'd gone down to india* not only was i stood up for lunch by my very good friend *this has never happened to me before* but we haven't spoken a word to the other since then. and it's been almost six months now. initially, i was worried. thought of all the horrible things that could have happened to him. tried to reach him. but then, eventually, i realized that he just didn't want to keep in touch. why, i have no idea. i'm sure he has his own reasons for any/all of it. just that i don't know them. and now, i don't want to know them.


i'm not hurt by it anymore. it was quite some time back. and i don't really think of it all the time. but i just went thru his testimonial for me on orkut... and felt a little cheated. felt the words were empty, that that friendship probably had no meaning. that he didn't consider me as close a friend as he said. or as i considered him. also, my mom asked me about him when i spoke to her and i said "i don't know. lost touch." and i didn't feel upset about it.

why am i blogging about this so many months after it happened? because it took me so many months to get it out of my system. i tried to blog about it sooner, but couldn't. i didn't have the words. i still don't. but i just wanted to tell everybody else that's close to me... if u want to ever do the disappearing act, please mail me a line saying - "wanna disappear" - i assure u, i ask no questions and need no explanations!

the thing with me is i don't make friends very easily. but once i do, they're mine. and i'm fiercely possessive. of all of them! they can take me for granted, not call me, not mail me... they're forgiven everything. to me, they're the most superior creatures on the planet. they're above the norms of right and wrong. because at the end of the day, i know they understand me. and accept me for who i am. i may not speak to them for months, but a one-liner saying 'need to talk' and they'd be there for me. and vice-versa.

this incident just opened my eyes to the fact that nothing and nobody is permanent. that people change. friendships change, too. and the change may be that u're no longer a part of their life. and they, urs. and it's still alright. and if i mean so little to someone, then i'd rather that they not be a part of my life. took time to understand, but understand it i do.

it was, indeed, a pleasure knowing him in one of my lives. i hope he finds what /who he's been looking for.

17 comments:

alic-in-wonder said...

I've been through that and know just how much it sucks. Am sorry you had to go through that.

Sarfraaz Ahmed said...

Very sad to know that this thing happened to you. But you are right. Life still goes on.

I liked the way you ended the post. Always look back in your life for the good things that happened. It atleast will make you happy.

Lavs said...

I would say yours was less verbal than mine...we fought...hurled pain words at each other...screamed like banshees and vowed to kill each other upon sight!!! It took me three whole years to get over this....some times, i think its better that some relations go away...makes us understand the value of life...as you said..nothing is permanent..not even best friends...

gOOpi said...

the thing with me is i don't make friends very easily. but once i do, they're mine.
^^those were some sweet words :)

listen!! the thing is `shit happens`.. therez nothin we can do abt it!! chill out and move forward! ;)

mayG said...

he never really deserved a friend like you girl.. good to know you're moving on.. it hurts yes, but its no good loving people who don't value it..
there's good stuff in store - trust me, its all about braving this and moving on..
*hugsss*

Lena said...

i can only say some people dont make it to our future for some reason. And maybe it is for good..
Though still they could have explained our what's and why's.
But you sure know that true friendship is still there and doesnt care about distances and lost touch.. it is just there.. :)

Galadriel said...

Such things happen, through apparently no fault of ours. And even though we all have a million words of wisdom, there's really nothing that can be said that would make you feel any better. So, chin up, maybe one day you will find out.

rayshma said...

galadriel: yep, very true... but honestly, i don't want to find out. it just doesn't matter anymore.

lena: :) absolutely. :)

mayg: thanks so much :)

goopi: welcome here. and yeah, i have moved. hence, the post.

lavs: oh yeah. we never fought per se. it was a really good friendship while it lasted.

sarfraaz: that's the reason this post took so long to be published. i don't feel negatively towards him. he was a good friend, has helped me sort my head lots of times. and i genuinely wish him well :)

alice: *huggs* i still have u gurlz! :)

Beyond Indigo said...

Hey gurl! Such people dont deserve you sweetheart... I know the value of your friendship... Just feel connected. Stay as you are. Love you loads

Pavi!!!! said...

Well..sucks when things happen w/o a rhyme or reason. But the reality is they do!

I have several such experiences and my post on that is actually in draft for last few days! Wat a co-incidence!

The important thing is such experiences teach great lessons!

Thinking aloud said...

awww...now that its out...you must be feeling better...

mebbe he's under pressure from someone...u nknow the 'girls can't be friends with boys stuff' and he's too ashamed to tell u that...mebbe...

neways u don't care and that shd be the end of it...

and now do excuse me if i don't keep up with your posts...nobody tells me...:(

*hugs dearie...get back to your funny stuff...:)

Swati said...

Hugs ..I know how it feels esp when you are not even told the reason

Trishna said...

Aww hugs!!I know how bad that hurts!

rayshma said...

trish: :0)

swati: yeah, i think that was the worst part of it... not knowing... anyway, thanks! :)

suma: i know... d blog's suddenly become so heavy, no?! :D i need to go back... :D
and who doesn't tell u what, hon?

pavi: true... lessons learned, value known.. :0)
waiting for ur post! :)

indigo: WHY are u trying to be anon on my blog, eh?! i know... only to mindfuck me, eh? eh? hehee... it's SO good to see u here, babes! :)
u know whom i'm referring to here...hehe... r'ber HOW much we tried to call the bloody moron! geez! aww.. now i'm missing u...

upsilamba said...

they can take me for granted, not call me, not mail me... they're forgiven everything.

From the very lil I know of you, I understand when you say it.

you already have gotten over it, so nothing more to add.

bindaas.

Suruchi said...

just a theory- he has read ur blog!the one post on him that u did almost a year back!how abt an apology mail...a last try mayb...isnt he too good to be missed out?

rayshma said...

suruchi: will mail u on this...

upsi: :0) thank u! :)