Oct 31, 2007

until... umm... i do?

WARNING: this is a long piece. probably the longest i've written so far. so if u aren't much of a reader, don't venture further.

fuzzy tagged me to blog about d story of how we got engaged. V & i, not fuzzy and i. heavens sake! what will u think of next!

i have been reading these engagement stories while blog-surfing... and was hoping i don't get tagged. couple of reasons for that.
a. i've had, what i refer to, a boring arranged marriage.
b. i don't know how to blog abt something so personal.
but i like fuzzy and i don't refuse tags from ppl i like :D


circa OCT 2005.
my folks had been hankering after me quite a bit to get hitched. actly, just my mom. dad cudn't care less. or at least, he didn't bring it up conversationally, like my mom! and this hankering gained momentum after my dear elder bro tied the knot in Aug. i was granted protection till then. coz whenever anybody asked me "so, when're u tying the knot? i'd smile and say "he's elder to me. so, after him" *yeah, kewl excuse, huh?!* but then, he finally got hitched. and then, i had no excuse. cudn't use the "i need to find my calling" excuse anymore - i sold ringtones, didn't i?! and yeah, i did love my job.

in d meanwhile, i gallivanted off to goa with 2 other mad women. *THIS is sed in a good mad way*. ideally, i would've liked to stay away from home at this point of time coz my ma wud've nagged me silly over the sun-burn. *YES. it was bad. i was a deep-dark chocolate fudge brownie color.* there was something unsettling abt the nagging this time, tho. instead of the usual "why do u keep doing this? can't u take care of urself? look at u!" it was "did u have to do this NOW!?" hmm... but then, that was the morning, V's folks were coming over to our place. and i, was to be civil. did i understand? uh... ok! their daughter comes home after 2 weeks, and goa...and they want to have company. wotever! but yeah, i usually am obedient, till d time it inconveniences me. this didn't. so i met up & chatted with his folks. like a good gurl, if i may add. in jeans and a tee. and my new deep-dark skin tone.
we went thru pics of his family et al... and oh, did i forget? his ma had bought me my fave kayaani sponge cake! yumm! *yeah yeah, i'm nicer if u bring me food i like!* his ma asked me why i don't keep in touch with him over mails and i surprised myself by saying SURE! *see? u can get me to agree to almost anything!*

but we had incorrect ids. BOTH of us. that is how stoopid we both are! we can't even get ids right! after a couple of futile attempts at trying to mail each other, i receive a mail which says... "mail if u get this!" that was SO my type of mail, that i HAD to reply to it. and i replied in quintessential style of "finally. yes, it's me. i know u. and yeah, got it." and we started mailing each other... general mails. the types u write to long-lost frenz. was probably the first time i was interacting so much with someone but genuinely STILL had no idea what he does for a living. *he's a vet virologist or smthng* most ppl i know don't understand what I did for a living, so i didn't try explaining much to him. i stuck to "i sell RTs."
then, after a couple of weeks, he asked if it's alright if he calls me sometime.. and i casually said "sure". he called me on a saturday morning, and i was in a volvo to pune. watching a trashy movie called "suryanvanshi". our conversation went like this:
V: u busy?
me: in bus. movie hpng. can't hear u.
V: which one?
me: *gosh! now u want to talk?!* suryavanshi
V: oh, the salman khan one? i've seen it.
i was SO impressed!

we spoke almost weekly post that. on equally inane, but important to us topics. like gandhi, reading, philosophy, life, aspirations, greed blah blah blah. wouldn't have made sense to anyone. but that's wot made it fun!

circa DEC 2005.
he mailed me saying he would be in india in december and we could meet. so i said SURE! let's! afterall, i was going to pune for NYs. so would be easy to catch up. *was a long weekend then*

my folks obviously called up his folks and decided that they were to come over ON NYs. THIS, i was unaware of. and later, seeing HIS expression, i realized so was he! we met a couple of times after that... usually around evenings... was easy to talk to him. and i realized that he WAS actually a very nice guy. very decent, AND very marriageably so. afterall, he he DID clear my triangle test! besides, i already loved his mom! *i know that shudn't be a reason. but heyy, she got me cake?! and home-made yummie brownies.*

how it all actually happened? i don't know. till date, i'm not sure about how i ended up saying yes. he didn't go down on his knees, he didn't confess to undying love, he didn't get me flowers, he didn't say i had really pretty eyes *he DID ask me if i wore false eyelashes, though*, there was no music in d background, there was no sign that he was THE one... no mush, nothing. oh wait! i guess, it was because of all of this that i probably agreed to marrying him. he did nothing that would be expected of someone who was trying to get me to marry him. he was just honest. and himself. and i have always been a sucker for that! alongwith brownies & cake! we were sitting at garden court *that's in pune* having a normal conversation... and he said "so. what do u think of US?" and i smiled and said "sure!" just like that.

at that moment, it seemed inconsequential that i never wanted to leave the country, that i loved my job and didn't want to quit, that i had just verbally committed to someone i barely knew, that i was tricked by my folks into an arranged marriage. at that time the most important thing on my mind was "DAMN! suruchi & vibs don't even know him!" *yeah, i know. my priorities are a tad warped, eh?*

but yes, it just seemed the right thing to do. and i did it. and thankfully, haven't regretted it. we got engaged four days later. in those 4 days, i went back to bbay, informed all concerned that i was getting engaged, fielded reactions/comments, sat down and updated my frenz, came back to pune, bought d rings *we did that together!*, booked d venue AND got engaged. life had never moved so fast for either of us! but as with everything else, life sorted itself out!

and yes, i still rib him that if he doesn't propose to me formally with the reqd flowers & chocs, i may leave him. and he has promised to embarrass me at some point of time in life. i'm actually not one for mush, so i'm hoping he doesn't really do it! shall keep u posted if he does. or umm... maybe not!

p.s.: oh yes, forgot to add - he gets these really cute dimples when he smiles....those helped, too! :)


RR said...

Awww... What a story!

Btw, you must have noticed, I'm a regular here now! :)

Fuzzylogic said...

but i like fuzzy and i don't refuse tags from ppl i like
aww..Thanks for indulging me:)

I loooved it!and you tell me it's boring??We have one thing in common,even I did use my brother as a shield to ward off all those suitors for a while too. It's one of those advantages of having some elder sibling:)

And you have such an awesome MIL who makes even brownies for you!Yum.yum:)I was smiling broadly as I read about Suryavanshi movie mention.It was no surprise that it did impress you:)you guys are so predestined but I bet V still can't beat you at it.
V certainly seems like a great guy Raysh! I had totally missed that triangle theory post and really I couldn't agree more.

Well what can I say?I knew you would do an awesome job at this:)the little pumpkin also shakes her little head in agreement:)

Orchid said...

o.k now I want pictures!..how cute was all of that, really and u didn't want to share it?Loved it-the story and the narration
Oh god, now I have to do mine..I wish I could get a scribe (mine is so totally bollywood :)

rayshma said...

thx orch - want me to play scribe? am good with bollywood. lol!
filmy stories are more interesting, no...?

fuzz: oh u bet! i think elder siblings are meant for that! *amongst other things! that include "giving"* i also used "i need to settle down & be independant", "will have an inter-caste marriage" *my folks didn't mind :(* and a hell lot of other reasons...
yeah, my MILs really damn kewl! :)) i think she was a major factor in me saying yes! lol!
V's a nice guy... we're very very different and still very alike... :)
how's d li'l pumpkin doin? hung-over from all d candy?! :D

rr: thx! :) yes, i notice... :) thankee thankee!

rayshma said...

and fuzz: V hadn't seen the ENTIRE suryavanshi! :( i was impressed with no reason... *damn!* he can't even sit thru a Salaam-E-Ishq! :D yeah, he's normal that way! lol!

upsilamba said...

Raysh, why did I have a feeling you and V had a love marriage! And when I read it was arranged, I was a little surprised. Like, "whaaat! that can't be it. She is fooling us'. Then I realized you never talked about it and it was the virtual image I created for you. In that, you and V fell in love, I suppose. It might also be because you sound so young and chirpy.

That said, it was an endearing story. Towards the end, I could sense how much in love you both are.

Here's to a forever for V and R.

upsilamba said...

Orchie, please do.
*rubbing my palms in anticipation.

rayshma said...

upsi - never had time for love! also, the kind of men i worked with... well, d less sed d better. *they may be reading this blog, u know!*
but yeah, i DID/DO get that a lot... that i'm d "love-marriage" type of person! i myself didn't think i'd get into an arranged marriage. but well, i DID marry someone i love! :D
good enuf, i guess!
i shud've titled this piece "jab we met"... eh?!
mebbe orch cud do that!

Pixie said...

Oh!!! Very cute story... :-)
It's got mush in it Raysh!!! ;-)
V sounds like a great guy!

TheKing said...

Hmmm.. So somehow you tricked that innocent soul V into all this! My sympathies with him that there is no turning back for him now..LOL

and he said "so. what do u think of US?" and i smiled and said "sure!" just like that.

I wonder why none of those great film makers haven't done anything around something like this?

rayshma said...

oye "king", don't take panga! :D
i didn't trick him... HE tricked me!! conned me into everything saying i'd agreed to it. all coz he'd call so early that i wudn't rber what i'd committed to! :D
movies won't be filmy re if they resort to such dialogues. they'd be "parallel cinema" :)

pix: oh no!! where was d mush!?! :))
yeah, everyone seems to like V! :P

Crimson Feet said...

:)... very sweet!! agree to pixie, that its GOT mush! cant say how!?
may be u have created your own "brand" of mush! ;)

...and thanks for the "triangle concept" .. it seems useful ( my views on marriage, however, are yet to evolve to smthng peaceful http://crimsonfeet.blogspot.com/2007/09/marriage-its-need-futility-origin.html )

I have been reading your blog lately and now i dont even remember how i reached here :)... u r my senior from MICA btw! (me 04 pass out)


plush said...

hey raysh...naya template,naya shtyle...nayi kahanii...:))...yam lovin it!

rayshma said...

plushh: u've been missing arnd here and on blogosphere, babes! get back!
and heyy, thanks! :D

crimson: thankee! :) and pray tell me y u haven't delurked before, eh?! u shudn't be scared... we seniors aren't really that bad, u see! :) no worries on how u got here, as long as u did! :D see u arnd... and yes, will drop over & chk out ur space...

La vida Loca said...

nice story.
the hubby never asked me either..it was "assumed".

Anand Sarolkar said...

>> Friendship
>> Commitment
>> Passion

True! Very true!!

DotMom said...

what an utterly cute story! Happiness to you both, always :)

Solitaire said...

This is such a cute story. I hope I land up in College Station or Houston to see you both in person!

Pavi!!!! said...

Came to ur blog thru Solitare's .. n this is indeed a nice , simple n practical Love story!

I too had an Arranged Marriage with a guy in the US of A and so was nodding my head on certain pieces!

rayshma said...

pavi: welcome aboard.. and thank u! :) will drop by ur place soon... :)

solitaire: i do hope u come over too... will be gr8 to catch up! :)

dotmom: thx so much! :)

anand: where have u been?!

loca: i like that more, in a way... :)