Jul 25, 2008

karma chameleon

how many of you believe in karma? do u really believe that what goes around, comes around?

a close friend's fiancee told him a week before their marriage that she didn't want to marry him because he wasn't as financially stable as she'd thought he was. also, she confessed that she'd been seeing her ex-boyfriend for the past 2 months. WHILE she was engaged to my friend. i told him i hate her... and i mean it. i DO hate her for making him go through the pain. i told him that karma was a bitch... and sooner or later, it would return to bite her in the ass for the way she treated him.

but i don't know. was she wrong? was she wrong in wanting financial stability more than love? was she ever in love with my friend? or did she leave her ex for this guy who was taken in by her and "seemed" to be well-to-do?

or was she just empowered? she knew her choices. she knew what she wanted in life and realized that she wouldn't get it with this guy. so she backed out of a commitment. instead of making both their lives hell.
which story holds true? where does karma fit in here? will she be hurt by someone else? will life not be good to her? is it wrong to place your own happiness over someone else's?

in fact, is there anything right or wrong. or is everything subjective? can we live our lives and pursue our happiness irrespective of how much we hurt people who care for us. is being ruthless the only way one can be truly happy? is that the price we pay for our happiness these days?

i know a guy who has endless strings of affairs *extra marital affairs* not because he needs to.. or because he's unhappy with his wife, but because he can. he says he's addicted to it. his wife is completely unaware of any of these. i don't know if the women he sleeps with know that he's married. for their sake, i can only hope they do.

there's this girl who doesn't want to let go of her ex-boyfriend tho she's married. she is okay with having an affair and being married. the only premise i can think for this is to have the cake and eat it too. she likes the sex with the ex boyfriend, but wants the lifestyle that her husband can provide her with. is this empowerment? being aware of what u want and how to get it...? no matter who u hurt in the process, as long as u're happy with the outcome. isn't there any sanctity left in the institution of marriage anymore?

there are countless examples i could give.. but this is a public space and i can't share those stories with u. but those stories disturb me. i know it's not for me to judge... and i don't. but they do make me think. we all always have our own reasons for doing what we do. and nobody else has the right to question those reasons.
but at times i feel i have managed to take this indifference too far. that i'm sitting on the fence once too often. that maybe, someday, i'll genuinely be confused and won't KNOW what is right or wrong for me anymore.

tomorrow, if a close friend of mine is cheating on his/her partner, will i support this friend? will i not tell them of what i think is right? will i continue being a karma chameleon...? changing my opinion of what's good and what's not depending on the situation and the person....? or will i tell them what I think is correct... and let them take the call. yeah, i think i'll do that. what would you do?


La vida Loca said...

karma is a bitch..will come back and bite u in the ass.
I'll do the same actually.

GettingThereNow said...

I'd do the same - tell them my opinion and then let them make the call. But then there are so many more aspects that need to be looked at.

As for your friend's fiancee - I think she did him a favor. A divorce would have been much more complicated and heart breaking, I think. I am not condoning what she did - I have no tolerance for cheating in a relationship. She should have broken up with him when she decided to start seeing her ex-boyfriend.

Galadriel said...

what else can you do? i've been told to stop associating myself with people who have no sense of right and wrong (there most definitely is a right and wrong, don't ever doubt that) but is it really practical?

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Okay .. I'm new here .. so ..err ..hi ..

now, I used to beleive in karma and all that .... but somehow i really don't have that belief system anymore ... the whole concept of right or wrong is subjective, as you said .... what we think is right might be completely wrong for someone else ... one man's meat is another man's poison .... everybody has a different thought process.

Pavi!!!! said...

ouch! that sucks..i love teh way u ask if there is any sancity left in the institution of marriage. I love the way u have questioned wat empowerment is....But nope, i dont think making a fool of others n using them to get ur way is a form of empowerment. it is being inhuman.

n do opinions change based on people-involved... in a way yes.. its so much more hard to accept that sum1 who u thot was ur good friend actually cheated or used sum1. I'm in that situation rite now, n i can tell u its a place i dont like to be in. To strike the balance btw being honest n straight-forward and standing by the decision of sumone u love n trust..is a challenge. a Huge challenge!

i cld write so much more..but dont have the time :(

Solitaire said...

OMG! These are very tough situations to be in. For the ones in it, and for the ones observing.

I don't know whether backing out of a commitment is right or wrong but cheating is definitely morally wrong. I understand that people change, fall out of love, and need companionship. But they can find that AFTER they break up with their current partners. As for those who are happily married, and yet want to have fun elsewhere...GOD BLESS THEM AND THEIR PARTNERS!

Lena said...

that indeed sucks.. but it is not something that hasnt been there before. People always act according to their needs even if it is not right. I believe being a friend gives us rights to say what we really think and feel about it. because if we dont say, then nobody will

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That's sick!One thing I cannot stand is two-timers.And this trend is on a rise cause it is the age where "anything goes".

Yes,I do believe in karma and what goes around does come around,and come around hard.

Have a nice weekend!

rayshma said...

sameera: i used to believe in karma... i don't know anymore...

lena: is acting according to ur needs incorrect? why shud they do what is right for us?

sol: u said it! u know, i really have no opinion on people where both the partners are aware of the other cheating. THEN, it's a choice... not cheating.. backing out of a commitment, i think, is better than getting into something u don't want to.

pavi: do a post on it gurl... when u can! and have a nice weekend :)

ramby: hello! welcome to the madness! :)
agree with u... totally.

galadriel: it's not. and just because someone wants to do or does something that is 'wrong' for us... doesn't make them a bad person. nobody's a bad person. it's just choices & priorities. since when is it not okay to be urself?

charu: i agree. i do think she did him a favor too. but then, wasn't she being purely selfish as well? i'm biased when i think of her... so don't think i'll ever look at her positively!

loca: does it? i've seen a lot of ppl get away with a lot of things.

Lena said...

well... if acting according to their needs hurts people who love them, then they should at least realize it is not right

Keshi said...

Interesting post Rayshma!

very similar things happen in my friend- circle too. A close friend of mine is cheating on her husband and she confided in me. But it's not in MY hands to let the husband know. Not cos she's my close friend, but they r a married couple, and I'll let em solve their own issues. I dun wanna be a REASON for their divorce if it ever goes that way.

Keeping silent isnt LYING. So I choose to keep silent :)

And I believe in Karma. I hv seen it in my own life as well as others'. Karma either pats or bites ur back depending on wut u give out to life. What goes around, comes around. I strongly believe in that Rayshma!


TheKing said...

Oye, u watching too much of Ekta Kapoor's nonsense these days?

And those in examples of 'married and addicted to affairs' seem to believe in 'Keep doing karma but don't expect result'! :-)

Quest World said...

This is a dilemma that I've struggled with on occasions and like you I don't have a fixed answer. Makes me wonder if there is any...

rayshma said...

mahesh: dude, u know i don't watch those. i'd seen one episode arnd 5-6 years back, i think... :D but no, seriously... i see it around everywhere! how can u not?! u keep ur eyes closed? :D

keshi: i agree, keeping silent isn't lying. i would probably do the same. as you said, i wouldn't want to be the REASON for anyone parting ways. also, they're adults. and it's something they need to sort out.
nice to see u believe in karma, keshi. i used to too. rather strongly. right now, i don't know...

GettingThereNow said...

Oh no Raysh - it wasn't a positive comment for her at all. I think she is the pits as far as being a human being is concerned - two timers are that in my opinion. I just meant that your friend should thank his lucky stars that he found out earlier than later.

GettingThereNow said...

Oh, and I do believe in karma. It comes back and bites you in the butt pretty hard.

alice-in-wonder said...

a very very profound post... some of the questions you have posed make one introspect - a lot.

let me know if you find any answers :)

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Good one,but its upto the individual people in this drama of life to ascertain whats good for them and whats not !

On Karma, the famous words of Lord Krishna

Whatever has happened is for good
Whatever is happening is for good
Whatever will happen is also for good

Now how does one interpret it with the result,ie KARMA
have I confused enough !!

MJS said...

While I never takes sides or support anyone in this story, I only have this to say..

Karma is what you believe in. There is no absolute right or wrong. It is right for you if it feels so, and it's wrong if you are not convinced about it.
Everything happens for a reason and we are qualified only to judge only our own.

I understand that such change in thought process around you, may be disturbing, but then ... every man to his own.

Pinku said...


those people who close their eyes and go on with their multiple relationships, also have those queries in their minds, they just ignore them and place more importance on the current pleasure.

If you were to place your thoughts infront of them they would either say you are jealous, old-fashioned or some such.

My suggestion is if they be friends and genuinely good people or good to you, hang around without abetting in the crime so to speak...one day sooner or later they will run out of luck and will need some human support. Be there for them.
They are just like children who need to test for themselves and find out that fire burns. let them singe themselves a bit, its a life lesson. But be ready with the ointment.

Ankur said...

i think i will tell my frnd!!
coming back to that girl, she isnt right for sure!!! have been through something similar(not exactly)!! so i know how much it hurts!!!

The pain is unbearable!! :)
Still, i know tat i wasnt right and i dont want her to be hurt... dont know y!!!

I have never understood how beauty and materialstic needs overpower love, then its not love i think! everything comes and goes by time, Destiny is one big teacher and i hope it teaches everyone!! :)


DewdropDream said...

So maybe we don't owe other people anything and it's okay to think about yourself first. But only as long as your actions are affecting you and you only. When there's another person involved in the equation then it's your bounden duty to do right by them... and that doesn't necessarily mean being with them even if your heart isn't in it. It just means coming clean and being honest, givng the other person a chance to come to terms and deal with it. I don't understand two-timing and I'm utterly disgusted by people who do it.

Maybe it's justified in cases where one is being abused by one's partner and is looking for comfor elsewhere... maybe, I still don't know.

And karma? It works in funny ways... but it definitely pays back.

Preethi said...

I never know what to say when asked questions about morality.. I know what I believe in.. but I wonder if I can ever understand what prompts these people to be disloyal be it physically or mentally. In that context probably the first case is better that she was honest and she walked out on him instead of carrying on with both men and destroying 3 lives. Your friend needs to thank her for walking out then! As for Karma.... I believe very strongly in it.. and I believe pay back is around the corner!!

sahana said...

hey raysh,
its been hectic down here.just read your post.kind of different from what u usually write.but thats good.shows u think.all i can say is that all our point od views would not be the same ,'cause for the simple reason that they are OUR point of views.but no excuses! there are some very basic ethics which will never change, give time or circumstance as a factor.thats what separates humans from animals.i think i have got that clear?

Prats said...

hey....I wonder how I missed leaving my view here...sorry, sorry...been too rushed .
But you know what...its true that what goes round comes around. I've seen it happening in so many instances. But still cheating is something no one has a right to. There is no right or wrong to it. Leaving ro staying with the person is a personal decision, but sticking to the right is what is good. At least the conscience will be clear

Celestial said...

I definitely believe in karma.... and we make our own with whatever do and think in this lifetime

Anonymous said...

i was so sure i left a comment...i'm getting old :(

karma? i believe in it...that's what keeps me going...

to tell a friend what you think of his/her actions, they must first be receptive...else its a good decision to keep to yourself...'cos what you think, its not necessary that the other would think it so...

having said that, it saddens me when there is infidelity within a relationship...in the end they hav eto live with their conscience ..i wonder how they manage to do that?


rayshma said...

suma: maybe it's blogger!
yeah, that's exactly what i think abt too.. how does one wake up and face oneself in the mirror?

celestial: hmm... maybe.

prats: i agree. but then, maybe the definition of conscience is hazy too.

sahana: i think so too. but also think that ethics are also subjective. which is why there can't be one conclusion on this topic.

preethi: i just hope whatever prompts them is worth it.

dew: i liked the way u put that.

ankur: i'm sorry. that u had to go through something like this. i can only hope that with time u realize how much stronger it's made u. coz that, it sure does, hai na? my friend's a different person today. less naive. and much stronger. keep the faith! :)

pinku: my prob is most of the people who i can call friends are at the receiving end of it! which makes it that much more difficult for me to understand these things! but i really liked the way u put that.

mrids: there IS a right and wrong. even if it is subjective. i'm not trying to judge anyone. just wondering whether what goes around, comes around too.

comps: it's the interpretation that makes it subjective, doesn't it? :)

alice: no gurl. no definite answers. except that it's all subjective. we build our heaven or our hell for ourselves on this planet in this very life :)

charu: very true.

quest: wait & watch, shall we...? :)

Ankur said...

i m stronger and better!! :)

and dont be sorry, sometimes we cant avoid few things, even i m not sorry for being ditched, but the guts that she didnt tell me ever is wat i m sorry for! :)

rayshma said...

ankur: not sorry bcoz u broke up. just for the way u were treated. u deserve better. and u'll get it someday. :)

Suruchi said...

soo much of gyaan coming out!! i just cant take this articulate thinking from you babes!!

DotThoughts said...

I have no answer. perpahs karma spans lifetimes. perhaps the friend whose fiancee broke off the engagement had it coming from a past act. who knows? Karma is a beeyatch. It calls and you answer.

Art said...

I have been reading ur posts for quite sometime, couldnt comment due to firewall problems.

Regarding this post,if my friend did such a thing, I would surely tell him/her my opinion but ofcourse the decision is definetly theirs.

What if both the husband and wife are ur close friends and u know that one is cheating, what would u do? Wouldnt we be betraying one friend?? Life is complicated.

About karma.. sometimes I think i believe in it and sometimes I dont...