perceptions may not be reality

on the karma post... sahana left me a comment saying she liked the post coz it was different from the usual & kind of said that i think too. suruchi said she couldn't take the articulate thinking from me! :D
i found both comments really honest and very cute.
they also reminded me of how i've always been perceived as rather daftish coz i seem to take my life very lightly. i don't get too worked up by minor irritants. i appear to be unfazed my major issues. i don't let anybody else ruin my day for me. i live in my own world. i smile endlessly. and well, on first glance, i do come across as very superficial or fake. coz nobody can be happy all the time.

but it's not like that. it's just that i am actually very reserved. despite this blog, despite that grin on my face. despite the fact that i smile when i want to cry at times. laughter is my defense. and so far, it works for me.
i do get affected by things. and when i'm genuinely affected, i don't rave and rant or talk. i retreat into my own comfort zone. lick my wounds. gather my thoughts. and re-appear when i can smile.

a friend of mine in post grad had once asked me if it doesn't bother me that people think i'm daft when i'm not. my answer to him still remains the same. why should someone else's perception of me bother me? why should i need to prove to someone that i can think? i don't need to. and i won't. i'm happy. in the fact that my inner circle of friends knows me for who i am. people who wish to know me get to know me. if i like them, they get to know me real well also. and maybe, they can someday, even call me a friend. but till then.. i don't care what they think of me. what does it say about a person if that person lives his/her life only so others can like him/her? i'd seriously rather not live than live like that. to please others.

yes, i've also been perceived to have a 'holier-than-thou' attitude. but i don't. it's just that i genuinely don't care what u think of me. i am indifferent to general opinions. i don't think that makes me better than u. maybe i am, maybe i'm not. but i am not affected by what someone who doesn't know me thinks about me. i AM affected if i care about the person writing me off. i'm human that way!

how often do we judge people by what we perceive them as rather than what they really are? how often have we seen someone laugh it off and said "must be daft to laugh in a time like that". or how often have we seen a single woman around 30 and thought "why's she single? must be some problem with her?" well, maybe that person has far more mettle than we know of. maybe they're way better than what we give them credit for. maybe there are problems beyond your understanding. maybe she doesn't want to get married! why should u care? it's okay to have opinions. but we also need to be open to the fact that our opinion may be incorrect. why write off or adore people till u know them well? and if u don't want to know them, it's okay. just try not to judge.

p.s.: edited to add: i'm not saying i'm not daft! :D

the tale of the chopped hair.

the last time i went down to india, i wanted a new look. no, not plastic surgery. can't afford. also, shrink is higher on order of priorities. but well, i considered what i could do so that V goes "oh my god! that's not my wife" when he sees me at the airport. and umm... i meant in a GOOD way. okay?

okay. so i decided i HAD to get a hair cut. hair cuts for me, are no laughing matter. i hate them. honestly. i HATE anyone touching my hair. so hair cuts are done only when absolutely mandatory! which means, when i'm looking like a mangy cat and someone points it out to me. nicely.

so.. i'd been considering a hair cut. AND a different look. given time constraints, i thought let me merge both. so i decided to try out a "new" stylist. recco'ed by a family friend. who, btw, has really nice hair. in my excitement, i forgot that she always had nice hair. and that using fructis extra strong doesn't really let ur hair pull out logs. and using pantene's frizz control doesn't really control frizz. sigh!
so i called and fixed up an appointment.

so i reached. so i was entered into the really swanky "styling room". and sat upon a chair facing the mirror. now, let me tell u... my hair may look messy... but it still looks nicer when it's longer. the shorter it gets, the unrulier it gets. and the worse it looks.
i was approached by this rather gay-looking guy with WEIRD hair. now, this should have been my cue, right? if he has bad hair... i should worry for my own. no? no. coz i LOVED his shoes. and was staring at them. till i heard him say "so what would u like?" while trying to gauge the thickness of my hair. see.. now, i'd be really disturbed if this guy was NOT gay. coz i can't imagine letting anyone touch my hair. let alone a MAN! i'm rather touchy abt that!

and i said: "it's been like this forever. i want something different. but not too short. coz then it grows vertically on top of my head."

he: hmm... u don't cut them regularly do u? btw, what color IS this?
me: no, i don't. it's a l'oreal red with deeper red highlights. i know, it's a little screwed. can u make them look nice with the same color?
he: sure. proceeding to tell me what he'd do with them. all this while, i'm focussed on his locket. VERY sexy, really. was a net butterfly on a thin silver chain. sounds eww.. but looked DAMN hot.
so, obviously, i've not heard a word of what he said. and i go "as long as u're sure it won't scrunch up afterwards. okay?"
"hmm", he says. and starts off snip snipping. after what seemed like 20 minutes... he said "wait. don't look" like i'd dare!
i'm usually VERY obedient when it comes to situations like these. dunno why. i treat docs, stylists, drivers, teachers with a lot more respect than they sometimes deserve. i find it impossible to be rude to cabbies also. maybe that's why they like me so...
tch.. i digress again.
so, i didn't look.
he dunked some stuff on my head. and then started drying them. after about 10 minutes, he says "look. wonderful. isn't it?"
and i look up. and see HIM smiling contentedly. and me, with straight, short hair. and i turn to him and say "yeah. but what if i wash them?" then, with tears in my eyes say "what will this look like when they go back to normal? what have u done?! how'd they become straight?"
and with zen-like calm, he says "just use extra conditioner. u'll be fine."
S.I.G.H.

if only, my friend. if only.

and so it was. 2 days later, i washed them. and they scrunched up. despite half a bottle of conditioner. and i HAD to tie them up. with everything possible. and then, JUST before i left, i got them ironed out. *which is another story for another day* and well.. i DID achieve the effect i wanted when i reached home.
i guess all's well that ends well.
BUT, i'm not going back there! E.V.E.R.

if anyone's interested. my hair's okay now. as okay as it ever is. and of course, i look the same. again. SIGH!

karma chameleon

how many of you believe in karma? do u really believe that what goes around, comes around?

a close friend's fiancee told him a week before their marriage that she didn't want to marry him because he wasn't as financially stable as she'd thought he was. also, she confessed that she'd been seeing her ex-boyfriend for the past 2 months. WHILE she was engaged to my friend. i told him i hate her... and i mean it. i DO hate her for making him go through the pain. i told him that karma was a bitch... and sooner or later, it would return to bite her in the ass for the way she treated him.

but i don't know. was she wrong? was she wrong in wanting financial stability more than love? was she ever in love with my friend? or did she leave her ex for this guy who was taken in by her and "seemed" to be well-to-do?
or was she just empowered? she knew her choices. she knew what she wanted in life and realized that she wouldn't get it with this guy. so she backed out of a commitment. instead of making both their lives hell.
which story holds true? where does karma fit in here? will she be hurt by someone else? will life not be good to her? is it wrong to place your own happiness over someone else's?

in fact, is there anything right or wrong. or is everything subjective? can we live our lives and pursue our happiness irrespective of how much we hurt people who care for us. is being ruthless the only way one can be truly happy? is that the price we pay for our happiness these days?

i know a guy who has endless strings of affairs *extra marital affairs* not because he needs to.. or because he's unhappy with his wife, but because he can. he says he's addicted to it. his wife is completely unaware of any of these. i don't know if the women he sleeps with know that he's married. for their sake, i can only hope they do.

there's this girl who doesn't want to let go of her ex-boyfriend tho she's married. she is okay with having an affair and being married. the only premise i can think for this is to have the cake and eat it too. she likes the sex with the ex boyfriend, but wants the lifestyle that her husband can provide her with. is this empowerment? being aware of what u want and how to get it...? no matter who u hurt in the process, as long as u're happy with the outcome. isn't there any sanctity left in the institution of marriage anymore?

there are countless examples i could give.. but this is a public space and i can't share those stories with u. but those stories disturb me. i know it's not for me to judge... and i don't. but they do make me think. we all always have our own reasons for doing what we do. and nobody else has the right to question those reasons.
but at times i feel i have managed to take this indifference too far. that i'm sitting on the fence once too often. that maybe, someday, i'll genuinely be confused and won't KNOW what is right or wrong for me anymore.

tomorrow, if a close friend of mine is cheating on his/her partner, will i support this friend? will i not tell them of what i think is right? will i continue being a karma chameleon...? changing my opinion of what's good and what's not depending on the situation and the person....? or will i tell them what I think is correct... and let them take the call. yeah, i think i'll do that. what would you do?

jazzin' up the big easy...

so, we're back! from the birthplace of jazz. the queen of the south. the hot-spot for mardi gras. the place with rich history, culture & absolutely superb food. the city of voodoo and vampires. and of course, the city which is now identified as the katrina-ravaged town. we lived in the heart of downtown... from where almost everything worth seeing was within walking distance. *except the swamps and plantations* and didn't really get down to seeing the destruction. but then, that i've seen on tv. so often, that i actually thought the whole town would look like that. i was SO surprised to see it that i absolutely fell in love with n'awlins...!

vin DID attend his conference... and that gave me some me-time. and the time to explore a bit on my own. so now, i've finally figured out a way to go on vacation alone, but with him.

plantations, rich in their history and tales... felt like taking a guided tour of scarlett o'hara's mansion.
the swamp was fascinating. the kind of place which makes one go absolutely silent. in awe. there are LOTS of swamps around the place! being in the middle of a live one felt like being in a movie. without the insects and anacondas! the alligators took me by surprise. totally. i've never been this close to alligators. and honestly, i didn't know that alligators, unlike crocodiles, are docile creatures who don't normally attack humans. yeah, before we went into the swamp... i was kind of expecting an alligator to chase the boat! :D no, that didn't happen! but we did get to see 'gators of all sizes and some gorgeous blue herons and egrets...
as is wont, we were a little lost on the way to the swamp. but by now, i've started enjoying the "journey" instead of focusing on the destination... so it was fun! to drive through quaint little towns... knowing that i'd never see them if we'd stuck to the route. to see how beautiful the houses were... how life was so much simpler there...

i'd heard that it's always mardi gras on bourbon street. and now i realize how true that is. if you're a non-drinker, bourbon street stinks. horribly. and it's LOUD. coz every bar has a live band performing. what u get to hear when u're out on the street is a mix... of pop jazz, creole, zydeco... and i don't know what other types of noises! but once u're drunk, it's all music. and it all sounds fab!
the streets of downtown are alive. they have a soul. and a story. the city's a beautiful mix of the old and new. the horse carriages look so stately on the backdrop of jackson square... it's like being transported back in time. i haven't felt this good since i left bbay. and i've never been to another place which has soul. or maybe, i never felt it. and yeah, if u ever go there.. .make sure u're at riverwalk around dusk... it's one of those sights which stays with u for a long long time... and i mean that positively. the town looks fantastic when the lights are just coming on...

and of course, the food. foodies that we are, we absolutely pigged out. there's food that originated here... so yeah, even the food has history! even thinking of all that yum food now is making me hungry. the crabmeat cheesecake we had was by far the bestest crab meat i've ever had! i finally got down to tasting an alligator to the list of animals i've tasted. that leaves me to try octopus. someday....

it's also the town for vampires, this one! it hosts the infamous halloween ball. which is attended by actual vampires. from all over the US. REAL vampires. people who ardently believe they are vampires. *and they call me cuckoo! yeah, right!* the tales of the supernatural that you get to hear here... they're unparallelled. they also have vampire & ghost sighting tours... i felt like i was in rural india when i heard those tales. the voodoo stores kind of psyched me out tho. i mean, the things they have there... it's amazing to know that people actually have faith in it. also, i'm too wary of it to challenge it by saying it doesn't exist. there's lots that i don't understand and/or have no explanations for... i shall add this to that list!

i don't know whether new orleans is actually that gorgeous... or was it just coz i had absolutely no expectations from the place that i loved it so. but yeah, love it i did! so much that i actually won't mind going back.

and oh yes... the ac's working. they got us a new one the day we left... so there! all's well here. how've u guys been...?

edited to add: pics are from the new orleans official site
dunno the photog.

an obituary. and a break.

there are those in life that we take for granted.
to an extent that we cannot even begin to imagine life without them. u've lived without them for over 25 years of your life... but now, suddenly... unknowingly... they become an integral part of your life. they make u feel comfortable... just knowing they're there takes the heat off most things in life... coming home to them feels GOOD!

but nothing's permanent, is it? one fine day.... which probably begins like any other day, they leave us. just like that. for no fault of yours. it takes us by surprise... there's shock... there's denial... and finally, there's acceptance. of the situation. of the fact that life goes on. with or without u.

our air conditioner died this evening.

and is sorely being missed.

in a joyful coincidence... we run off day after. to new orleans. any of u good folks there?? *serial killers, stalkers, psychos... pls excuse.* if yes, ping by my EoD tomorrow. ok? coz from day after till 24th, i shall not check mails, not be online and neither read nor write blogs. it's a vacation, u know?

see y'all folks! u take care.. be good and pray for my AC. may the compressor R.I.P. and may there be some relief in my life by the time we get back!

p.s.: the fox news weather guy just said it's a TAD cooler tonight. which means, it's 99! it's gonna be a long night. and not in a naughty/nice way. S.I.G.H.

devils, y'all...!

over the years *don't ask how many. that is not d point of this post*, i have realized that there IS a pattern in the people i really really like. there are some basic characteristics which HAVE to be there. spoke to four of them today... and suddenly noticed the pattern. so thought would chronicle it. what else is this blog for! tags?! :P

:: they're intelligent. not the bookish sorts. street smartness, wit, the ability to analyze situations & people... perpetual intelligence? that types.
:: they are possessive. not obsessive. but for instance, if they were bloggers and found out that i read someone else's blog more frequently than their blog, they would be genuinely offended. and would hate the other blogger. and tell me that to my face. *psycho? yeah... a bit!*
:: they realize that being called "pretty" or "nice" is not a compliment.
:: they read. hi-fi literature, dictionaries and comics. and are not ashamed to be seen with chick-lit/comics publicly.
:: they have the ability to constantly surprise me. yeah, unpredictable, it's called i think.
:: they believe, no... they KNOW, that if people get to know them better, they won't like them. *it's usually true unless it's someone like me who gets to know them better*
:: they can laugh through absolutely trashy bollywood flicks. and watch them repeatedly.
:: they are not ashamed to admit they like a couple of himesh-composed *not sung* songs. *oh c'mon... it's not all crap!*
:: marital status is not a life/lifestyle-changing scenario for them. it doesn't change the way they look at u or the way you should look at them. they will still call u at 3.30 in the morning if they need to talk to u. and u have to answer.
:: they have an astonishingly sound sense of humor. despite the trashy bollywood flicks. i think it comes with the intelligence.
:: they're VERY confident. to the point of being perceived as arrogant. they're not arrogant, tho. it's just that being aggressively, assertively confident is sometimes perceived as arrogance.
:: they're extremely social. just selective about whom to be social with.
:: a lot of people find them intimidating.
:: they know when to be mature and when to behave like their own 3-year old selves.
:: they all sympathize/empathize with Vin.

and how many of these specimen exist? on last count, there were nine of them. nine devils of the same type. but unique in their own, weird way. nine devils who can kill me or kill for me. whom i can count on to be there for me at ANY odd hour. not bad, i think.

cut it!

sitch: vin comes home from work late. yeah, he works on some sundays.

me: *with a puppy face* i cut my finger.
vin: aww.. show.
me: *puppy face continues* LOOK. there was SOOOO much blood. the sink was FULL of my blood :(
vin: nautankii u are! show!
*after conceding that i had, indeed, cut my finger*
vin: this looks quite bad. and WHY is it still like this???
me: how wud i show it to u then?
vin: SIGH! where's the band-aid..?
me: we don't have.
vin: how come? u checked? where did they go?
me: i dunno. we don't have. and my finger's hurting.
vin: ok, wait... i'll tie it up
me: with what?? there's NO band-aid!! and i don't want u going back to get it either!
vin: we have gauze.... so all we need to do is tie it. wait. *and begins to tear old T. his, of course*
me: u think u're a hindi film heroine?? tearing ur clothes with ur hand to tie patti?
*patti = bandaid?*
vin: hehehe... but i can't tear it. those women are stronger than i am, i guess.
me: no silly. just that we don't buy pre-perforated Ts! go, get the scissors!

my 3-day happy budday

sometimes u meet people, and you know u'll be friends with them for a long long time. that u'll do anything for them. because they so deserve it. that u'll be there for them - thru thick and thin. that u'll be ready to kill people who hurt them. and the funniest part is you have got to know them only recently. in fact, u're meeting them for the first time. and that's when u know that THAT person & their friendship is something u'll treasure for life.

i knew it was gonna be a fun 3 days the moment galadriel got off from the car and donned her wannabe-cowgirl hat and sunglasses. looking SO very touristy. of course, she didn't clean my apartment for me. neither did she make us the promised sambhar... but heyy, she DID put the daal in the cooker. so, the intentions were there! she also attempted to beat the cake by holding the spoon in hand and turning it around in the almost prepared cake mix! but, she helped by eating it! she also cleaned up my comp, so it's a lot faster now. and of course, she gave me nice nice gifties... :) and also ate up when i cooked. no complaints.

we yakked almost an entire day. and now we know almost everyone on our friends' lists. she also drove me to the mall... in an exceedingly dirty car *ours, of course!* with an exceptionally hot steering wheel. *it doesn't have a cover. vin will not get one either!* she took lots of photos.. since our cam has refused to co-operate and let us take pics. she also attempted to do a dilbar dilbar at the water-wall in houston... where the original was filmed as well! and of course, she sang. and yes, she's a wonderful singer.
she made vin feel completely at home. without drinking a sip! in fact, he was so at home... that he even left his socks on the chair. something he'd NEVER do when we have guests at home. but obviously, she wasn't a guest!

it's moments like these. and people like this. that make this entire blogging experience worth the unemployment! really. i couldn't be happier that i started blogging. neither that i met someone like galadriel. she's everything i thought she'd be. and a hell lot more!

this was the nicest birthday i've had in quite a long while. usually, there's something or the other that screws it up. and last year, was probably & hopefully, the worst. but this one more than made up for it! :) thank u, wise (??) lady of lorien. we're blessed to be friends with thee.

it's raining F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

trish was here today. and she is now officially the first blog-pal i've met! :) YAY!

and it was amazing. not for a minute did it feel like we hadn't met before... that it was the first time we were meeting. right from being SO thoughtful and remembering that i like cheesecake AND getting one for me *with Vin outta the way, i'm digging into it as i type*, to us laughing inanely and completing each other's sentences, to me feeling really informal... and presuming they'd be at home! now, normally, i'm really nervous when someone's gonna come home. more so, for the first time. i scrub & clean & i fret about it all morning. and even when they're there... it's like i'm at a class or something. trying to be really attentive & formal & stuff. but this just felt like a GOOD friend was dropping in and i didn't need to be anything but myself! in fact, i was so relaxed that it was a little INTO lunch that i realized that i had forgotten to tell them that there was something like raita and they shud try it! :D *i don't generally insist people eat more coz i'm not too sure they like what i've made! :D*

really... was SO nice to have them here. even our hubbies. honestly, now.. vin is quite shy. takes him some time *read, a coupla drinks* to open up to people. but he and S bonded pretty well. also turned out that S has "interacted" a bit with my first and fave boss! :) small world, it is!

through lunch, Vin and i competed for ONE smile from aadya... and heyy... i got one FIRST!! YAY!!! :) it's probably the first time a child smiled at me before vin. he seems to have a way around kids, usually... and they seem to like him a lot too! but aadya likes ME more... :0)

aadya's as adorable as i thought she'd be. she was so wary of us as she entered...after that, she clung to trish and observed us. then, she'd look at vin and frown... and look at me and smile. so i'm happy. VERY! :) her wariness came down notches till the time they left. she didn't let me hug her or anything but i even got a poochie before she drove off! and vin didn't. did i say i really like her! :)

i am so thrilled meeting trish and family, that i can't wait for galadriel to reach tomorrow! if only the woman would hurry! :)

and oh yeah, my nieces were here day before. and in an attempt to create master artwork, they etched some hearts onto my center table. with a permanent marker. which, of course, i did not know we had! well... i still love them! :)

flickr me pretty!

flickered this from solitaire.
these are the steps to follow if u wish to do this:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your user name?

my answers? here... go figure!since this is a tag, i tag galadriel, suruchi and K3 to do this!

what to-do!

i have a lot to do. no, really.
the LOT refers to me having to clean up this apartment. and if u haven't been here, u have no right to say "that's not a lot!" the apartment may not be big, but u have no idea how talented vin and i are at creating a mess.

sigh!

one of the pre-requisites however, is to get started. and i thought what better way than by blogging it. then i'll have all 10 or 15 of u nagging me to do it. so everytime i come to "see if someone's mailed me" - which is after every 3.6 minutes - i may have a comment/mail/scrap saying "done cleaning?" and then suitably chastised, i shall go back. yeah, yeah, i'm very optimistic!

of course, i was hoping that galadriel would clean up when she comes. that was to be my happy bud-day gift from her n all. but well, i have family visiting me this friday. yeah, BEFORE the woman comes over and cleans! hmph! so now, not only do i not get a happy b'day gift *coz galadriel will still have to clean when she's here* but i also have to clean up!

tasks at hand:
:: vacuum. of course. was last vacuumed a day prior to me getting back home. or so i'm told.
:: enter the closet. and sort it of course. the walk-in has been dumped with bags, clothes and of course, the stuff which came packed in my bag from india. did i tell u? my luggage got drenched enroute and hence i had to sprawl the clothes out all over the closet and bedroom. and umm.. yeah.. they're still like that. though they dried long back. well... let's not even get started on vin's closet.
:: laundry. pending for long enuf now. :(
that's it. that's the LOT of work. and then, of course i have to check mail every now & then. bcoz of course, one of u important-to-my-life people would mail me. won't ya?! oh yeah, make dinner. that, too. sigh!

anybody got potter's magic wand? please lend it to me? pretty please...?

shh...

some things u shud not let onto your wife:
:: teach her kick-boxing. or even, how to box like a guy. trust me, YOU will be the punching bag for the rest of your life!
:: that u cook well. unless u really intend to cook for the rest of ur life. you will never find a good enough excuse to not cook!
:: that u like crappy movies. unless she has eclectic taste. bcoz, what is crappy to her, will be unimaginably boring to u. but now u've told her, u'll have to watch!
:: ur deadlines. she'll nag u into sticking to them! :D
:: u can eat "whatever". bcoz that is exactly what she'll make you eat.
:: that u don't drink much. *much, here is a relative term, of course!* she will ensure that u get drunk, act like an idiot and thereby, entertain her on a boring friday evening when she's too bored to dress up and go out.
:: that u like driving. more so, when she is too lazy to bother. well.. u get where this is going! :)
:: u want to be more organized. you may end up writing inane weekend reports. all in the guise of "getting organized"

yeah, yeah. now feel free to sympathize/empathize with Vin!