...for better, or for worse...

we woke up on sunday to the call of "he's critical. when can you reach here?"
after a plethora of feelings and phone calls, we're going down to india this week. *probably, on the 10th* have no clue when we'll return.

my father in law's in the hospital as yet. and we don't know if he'll make it. this is a man who's not much elder to my own father. who loves me almost as much as my dad loves me. and definitely as much as he loves his son. i have no clue how to react. i'm still numb. it's tuff enuf to see V like this, it's frightening to think of his mom right now. i just hope we can get there at the earliest and at least be there for her.

usually, an india trip would be something to look forward to. i don't know if i'm right in saying this, but i'm so not looking forward to this trip. i'm horrible at handling emotions. even worse when they happen to be emotions of people who matter to me. being practical can be such a bane at times!

but i have vowed to be there with V; for better and/or for worse... in sickness and in health. not only for him, but for everyone he holds dear. and i intend to stick to my vows. honestly, i don't know if the distance has shielded us from the pain or made us more susceptible to it. will find out shortly. this is one flight i'm going to detest. and maybe, not be able to sleep on.

Bitch

i don't normally post songs... but if i had to have a theme song, this would probably be it. at least, today, i think so!

...I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

... Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

-Bitch by Meredith Brooks

ma knows best!

"when ur mother tells u to get a life - THAT is when u realize what a loser u've been"

- ma said it was cool if i wanted to be a choreographer. even said i should join SDIPA when i had d chance! i decided on media instead! at that time, i thought it would be a more lucrative option for me. *HAHAHA*
- ma said "curly hair suit u better than straight". i went ahead and straightened my hair. after 2 years, they looked neither straight nor curly. now, am stuck!
- ma said "get your hair colored. auburn suits u"... i got a bright red mix! after a month, i looked like those aunties who apply henna! *2 years later, i repeated this experiment. i never learn, do i!*
- ma said it was okay to stay at friends' places overnight as long as she knew where i was. i always returned home before 12. *ok, i confess... i HAD to sleep in my own bed!*
- ma said i needed to be more social. i went right into my shell! am still emerging out of it.
- ma said i should find myself a guy & have a love marriage. i treated that like a trick question! ultimately, they had to go through the trouble of finding a groom for me. *u did well, ma!*
- ma said i should be independent. always. i quit my job, left the country... and am now on a dependent visa, where "legally", i can't work!
- ma said i'm not too fat. i only look human now. i have decided to lose some more weight. *DON'T ask what hpnd to d decision.*

the only time i was obedient was when ma said "u don't need to learn to cook. u'll manage when u have to." i didn't even know how to light the gas till i got here. after marriage. and here, u don't light the gas. u just switch it on.

well... as they say, ma knows best!

y i read comix...

came across this here.

found this & the rest of the site damn kewl. maybe, V's in-process PhD helps me enjoy these better.

but this, in a way, also explains why i love comic books!

tell some more...

Here's my first tag, courtesy SM. hmm... lemme see what it is that i haven't blogged abt me... of course, if u know me, these 5 won't be so lesser known.. but to a lot of u.. they cud be!

a. i get into phases. i used to have a work mode - where i cud work 24/7 and be happy. and a chill mode, when i wudn't work - no matter what! i used to have lachcha paratha and butter paneer *without dhaniya* from home deli on a DAILY basis. did that for, i think, 5 months? i've had my parle G, croissants, muffins, cheese omelette, fried egg... even people phases. recently, i had peanut butter sandwiches everyday for two whole months. now, i've switched to nutella.

b. i'm very cat-like. i'm quite a cleanliness-freak, am possessive, am bright without needing to make it obvious *at least, i like to think i am!*, i have a lot of attitude, i HAVE to get my meals on time *or i get VERY edgy*, i keep digging my nails into d couch/chairs as if to sharpen them and yes, i meow. when i'm hungry... bored... thinking... confused... stretching... yeah, rite now as well! also, i get startled quite easily. and my reflex to wotever startles me is to "claw" it. close frenz say this is coz i was a cat in one of my nine lives. V sez it's coz i'm a cat in this life. akin to d "ichchadhaari nagin?" - he says i'm an ichchadhari kittie.

c. despite not being social, i'm ALWAYS very nice to "help". this includes drivers, maids, *back home, of course!* waiters, ushers, cabbies. to the extent that waiters at my regular jaunts know almost as much about me as any of my acquaintances! and i know their entire life histories! i do not like people who treat help with disdain.

d. i'm superstitious in my own way. i believe that letting anyone in on something that's in the process of hpng will result in that "thing" not working out. i believe that sprinkling a smiley on my coffee makes my day go off well. i believe that wearing my right shoe first is good for me. i believe in the power of the number "9".

e. i'm quite a good dancer *tho i say so myself!* i used to be part of a troupe whilst in college... and we used to participate in inter-collegiate fests et al. we also won quite a few of those. had learnt belly dancing while in muscat... have to confess, LOVED it! but never practised, so can't do it any more! but take me to a disc... and i HAVE to be adequately drunk to boogie!

there! my laundry's out in public!
i tag: sarfraaz *u shud do this*
minal, svety or anybody else who drops by - pls feel free to do this if u wish *no, it aint mandatory*
everybody else *except the above* who i know drops by, has either become dormant on blogger or has already done this! how i wish suruchi had a blog! *evil me, laughing*

R, u ready...?

after an entire day clearing up the junk lying all over the house...
after re-placing all the furniture where it belonged... *this was pertaining to the coffee table and chairs. we don't move the couch or bed or tv..*
after picking up the entire laundry *from the chairs, bedroom carpet & closets* and placing it in the laundry basket. then, realizing it didn't have ANY of my clothes and redoing the same task again - this time with my clothes. from my closet...
after changing the bed-cover, sheets, pillow-cases...
after cooking a 3-course meal in a record span of 3.35 hours... *it's a record for me, dunno abt u!*
after changing the water for the flowers V so sweetly gets for me; so they don't die on me...
after having a quick shower and getting dressed so we can leave as soon as V comes home and changes into formals...
after V comes home... the first line to escape his mouth is...
"we have to go. why aren't u ready yet?"


did i ever mention, V suffers from a foot-in-the-mouth syndrome?

no english.

me: u kept the nutella bottle in the fridge??
V: NO!
*thinks*
i don't know.
*thinks some more*
maybe.
*realizing he did...*
why?
me: who keeps nutella in the fridge?! why do u keep everything in the fridge? i hate it! i can't apply COLD nutella to my toast. now i'll have to wait. then my toast will get cold. and by then, i won't feel like eating.
V: what's there to "feel"? u want to eat. or u don't want to eat.
me: but WHY did u keep it in d fridge.
V: it's chocolate!! how am i to know it isn't kept in the fridge?
me: because. it says so. on the bottle. in UPPER case. BOLD. in ENGLISH. see? "DO NOT REFRIGERATE" see..? why don't u read!
V: *more thinking. with a puppy face*
me no going school. so no english reading?

what's cooking...?

pls note the fact that FOOD is a VERY crucial factor in our lives. we HAVE to have GOOD food. we also get bored of food very quickly.

V: what's for dinner?
me: potato sabzi. from day before. chhole from 2 nights back. and mixed veg from last nite. which do u want for dinner? and which for lunch 2mrw. u get a choice. but i'm not cooking till we finish all this.
V: *going into thinking mode.* hmm...
me: one eyebrow raised, questioning glance.
V: *looking at me, contemplating my reaction to what he'd say...*
... pizza?!
me: *tempted, but not wanting to trash any more cooked food*: NO! that wasn't on the list of options, was it?
V: but it's wednesday.
me: so? we already ate out this week.
V: *panicking. at memory loss or loss of pizza, i don't know*: WHEN? no, we didn't. u're lying!
me: wendy's IS outside, aint it?
V: that was LAST week.
me: no. this week. what d'u want for dinner? i don't have all evening. *yeah, rite! what if movies stop downloading without my constant supervision!*
V: pizza.
me: no pizza.
V: *knowing that his wife aint so rigid abt turning down junk food for anything veggie*
yummy pizza... with cheese... and ham.. and pineapples...with french fries. and chilled beer.
me: no beer. diet coke.

all or none!

u'd think i'd do something worthwhile with all the free time i now have. like, maybe exercise & get back into shape before it's unattainable, clear up d house, which still looks like a clearance sale unit, or maybe, read up on everything i always wanted to - like all those global gyaan books, learn espanol, which i have to now learn beyond shut up, yes and my name is; clear out the closets or or at least d fridge!

but, clearly i have other interests. that are by far more compelling than d above listed, house-wifely woes!

i choose to spend my day reading blogs, watching PBS *for heavens sake, who does THAT!?*, playing word games/puzzles, checking the status of my torrent downloads every FIVE minutes, writing pieces such as this *or d rest of this blog, for that matter*, mailing V every 20 mins *i don't call & nag. i simply mail* and of course, baking! cakes, cookies, bread - anything that i can get a mix for!

really, i've taken to baking like a fish takes to water. that's a silly proverb, aint it? i mean, how can a fish take to being OUT of water. won't it die??? but i'm digressing again!

i've realized i LOVE baking. and we had chocolate cake TWO times in one week. needless to say, half of the baked output is consumed prior to V reaching home! *so much for i-wanna-be-me-again* also, V aint a big fan of chocolate cake. so, we have two chocolate cakes and one pound cake or pineapple-pecan cake or some such, in ONE measly li'l week! yes, 5 days, 3 cakes. no, u can't count weekends. V cooks on weekends. and he doesn't bake.

also, adorably, there's always ONE slice left behind, which we both refuse to eat. and ultimately, not-so-adorably, i trash it. sin sin sin! wonder how i'll atone for this one! atonement for all the other sins wud need another post. or maybe, another blog? hmm... but coming back to d topic at hand.

why don't we just divide it into half, eat it and live a sin-free existence? because d ungrateful wretches that we are *YES, baking takes effort*, neither likes HALF a slice of cake! so, we'd have to bake another cake, finish this slice and attack d new one! hmm...
and thus, the tale continues...