aspirationally dumb

me: DID U USE MY COMB? AGAIN??
V: umm... i don't remember.

me: how can u not remember??
V: i didn't realize if it was urs or mine.

me: mine's the one which is INSIDE the cabinet. urz is d one which is lying around.
V: yes, i did, then.
*silence that speaks: "well?"*

V: well, it's easier to find it when it's always in the same place, rite?
me: d reason it's in the same place is coz i go thru d effort of putting it back after every use!
V: hehe
me: wot's funny??
V: "every" there refers to once in 2 days, doesn't it?
me: NO! i DO comb my hair daily!
V: oh yes! i see that.
me: *one eyebrow raised, silent questioning glance, meaning... "WOT does that mean?"*
V: umm... well... ur hair shed all over... see?
me: where? show?

*inspecting a specimen picked from d carpet*
me: that's not mine! it must be urz!
V: it is NOT! i don't have semi-curly, long RED hair. tho i wish i did! not the red part of it, of course!
me: *ignoring d opportunity for a change in subject from my shedding hair to vin's lack of a lustrous mane* MY hair is NOT red. and neither is this one. it's auburn.
V: is this urz or not?
me: *never wanting to admit, i resort to a feeble attempt of changing d topic!* see? this is why we need a dog! then we won't know who d hair belongs to! and i can always say it's not mine, it's doofus'!
V: FYI - doofus will have golden hair. *he forgot "straight!"*
me: oh yeah. *after a 12 sec contemplative silence* i'll color mine blonde!
V: i didn't know u aspired to be perceived as dumb?!
me: i don't. i hate stereotypes. and blondes being dumb is a stereotype. so u can't call me a dumb blonde.

...

V: can i call u blondie, then?