was having a conversation with a fren. she said that we *as in, her & me* will never get down to doing what we truly feel we should be doing. what we're capapble of. what we should be doing. in a way, we're not doing anything that would merit a "wow" from anybody. me, especially!
i've always wanted to become a wildlife photographer! to wander deep into rainforests, experience that life. i love photography per se. but i love shooting animals the most. but well, i never got down to doing that. i also thought of becoming a forest officer *when i was 10, i think* and a vet *when i was 14* but never got down to it.
i've wanted to be a figure skater. at the ice skating rink, the other day, i watched. fascinated. as countless people - gurls, boys, teens, women - figured how to skate on ice! i wanted to do that since i was 7! but in a country where figure skating is neither a sport nor a vocation, i gave up that dream without ever voicing it. *my parents wud've insisted i follow it! so i never told them.*
i wish i could illustrate. sketch those amazing figures i see on getty or iCards. draw up caricatures of my friends! well, i must confess, i truly don't have the skills for that!
i wanted to travel. extensively. i love the life of a vagabond. that feeling of knowing where ur roots are. but never waiting in a place long enough to form roots again. finding out about different places, their histories, their cultures, the food. not knowing where you would be the following week has a certain thrill that i can't put down in words.
but i also like the cushy life. *confession - i often contradict my own ideas!* the stability, the mundaneness of my current life. maybe, 5 years back, i would've had the courage to take life by the horns. today? today i am happy. i've mellowed. *as mush is possible, i think* i've started finding this life exciting. *in it's own way, of course.* is the thrill of doing what u perceive as exciting worth the stability i have today? today, i'm sure. it's not worth it for me. because when i think of all the things i've wanted. the first thing that comes to my mind is a home & family. i've wanted that for as long as i remember. and now that i have it, i'm not willing to side-line it for all the excitement in the world.
and i guess, life IS like that. u make choices. and u live by them. i had the time and opportunity to make my choices. i've made them now. and i stand by them. the fact that i'm happy about them, and don't regret them *so far, at least* just adds to the flavor!
7 comments:
oh good for you...i sometimes have this urge to go right back to square one and start all over again :)
As long as you are happy and contented with your choices I don't think anything else matters.
And who says anyway that you can't spread your wings yet have your feet firmly on the ground keeping the roots.By the way ice skating is way fun Rayshma,do learn it since you wished for it,maybe not as a figure skater but just for the heck of it.
orchid - yeah, u know sometimes i think over it. and i'm happy, coz IF i could live life all over again, i'd probably still live it the same way! touchwood! i hope d phase lasts long.
fuzzy - i sure am planning on learning skating. and may take that course on photography next sem. am currently learning espanol!
maybe, that's why am content. coz i can still do what i want to, but i don't have to give up what i wanted & have! :)
Hey rayshma,
You took words outta my mouth when I read what all you wanted to actually do. Except the figure skating bit of course, which I think I would replace with street fighting or kick-boxing or some other pricky thing of that kind. lol.
But wildlife photographer! Dats on my A-list. It still is! I always wished I had just enough money live my life off in a canvas tent in the Serengeti or the Masai Mara.
I want to start oil-painting tomorrow. May be learn the guitar the day after. Write a good book the next week. Its not too much to ask.
Its hard to imagine why its so hard to get.
kick-boxing sounds really kewl. i'd actually found out a place where they taught that while still in bbay. never had the time to go for it, tho :(
am gonna check if they have a wild-life photography course at A&M here... mite take it up! as i sed, i don't see myself live in a tent in masai mara anymore, but wot the heck! once in a while won't hurt ;)
i dunno if it's hard to get. i just doubt that we're willing to pay the price for it...
Ur an Aggie! M a longhorn myself. Just joined UT this spring sem and god its awful getting back to acads after workin for a while. Guess the first time, I had no idea what I was signin up for.
Guess I'll survive.
Happy blogging.
heyy...neighbour!!
no! i aint an aggie. i married one, and m trying to survive in college station, tho!
i cudn't get myself to go back to acads after working. think i'm past d state-of-mind & age where i can pretend to study anymore!
u'll survive, don't worry! :D) just blv u don't have any other choice..;)
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