was having a conversation with a fren. she said that we *as in, her & me* will never get down to doing what we truly feel we should be doing. what we're capapble of. what we should be doing. in a way, we're not doing anything that would merit a "wow" from anybody. me, especially!
i've always wanted to become a wildlife photographer! to wander deep into rainforests, experience that life. i love photography per se. but i love shooting animals the most. but well, i never got down to doing that. i also thought of becoming a forest officer *when i was 10, i think* and a vet *when i was 14* but never got down to it.
i've wanted to be a figure skater. at the ice skating rink, the other day, i watched. fascinated. as countless people - gurls, boys, teens, women - figured how to skate on ice! i wanted to do that since i was 7! but in a country where figure skating is neither a sport nor a vocation, i gave up that dream without ever voicing it. *my parents wud've insisted i follow it! so i never told them.*
i wish i could illustrate. sketch those amazing figures i see on getty or iCards. draw up caricatures of my friends! well, i must confess, i truly don't have the skills for that!
i wanted to travel. extensively. i love the life of a vagabond. that feeling of knowing where ur roots are. but never waiting in a place long enough to form roots again. finding out about different places, their histories, their cultures, the food. not knowing where you would be the following week has a certain thrill that i can't put down in words.
but i also like the cushy life. *confession - i often contradict my own ideas!* the stability, the mundaneness of my current life. maybe, 5 years back, i would've had the courage to take life by the horns. today? today i am happy. i've mellowed. *as mush is possible, i think* i've started finding this life exciting. *in it's own way, of course.* is the thrill of doing what u perceive as exciting worth the stability i have today? today, i'm sure. it's not worth it for me. because when i think of all the things i've wanted. the first thing that comes to my mind is a home & family. i've wanted that for as long as i remember. and now that i have it, i'm not willing to side-line it for all the excitement in the world.
and i guess, life IS like that. u make choices. and u live by them. i had the time and opportunity to make my choices. i've made them now. and i stand by them. the fact that i'm happy about them, and don't regret them *so far, at least* just adds to the flavor!