my visual DNA...

picked this up from orchid. and loved it! also, makes up for not writing y'day...:))
try it out for urself... is damn kewl!

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of one-way tickets...

a very close fren of mine's planning to come visit us. and i was/am s'posed to check flight deals for her. after a week of frantically searching online, i finally felt very proud of myself and mailed all the details to V for a final "look-thru". *since i normally suck at online bookings/detail hunting etc* this is our conversation when he got home that evening.

V: is she shifting to CS?
me: what? NO! why wud she do that?
V: why not? we aren't that bad, u know?
me: umm... no, but CS is! if she had to shift to the US, wudn't she shift to a better city?
V: yeah, that's there.
me: why're u asking vague questions?
V: umm.. coz u've only checked out one-way deals.
me: oh. i have. yeah. hehe... *going thru the mail...* yeah, actually, i have!
V: so i thought, since u've checked only one-way deals, maybe this was intentional. thought u gurls have planned out stuff and not told me abt it.
me: no. but how can i book a return? i don't know how many days she's got here, rite?
V: it's simple. thought of asking her?
me: *make a stoopid puppy face, that i've perfected with years of practise!* hehee... yeah! that didn't occur to me.
V: why is it that gurls can get away with all the stupidity on earth with just that silly puppy face?
me: because we're very cute. now do me a favor. check the return deals for her. net doesn't work too well at home these days.
V: it works well enough to download movies and listen to the radio!
me: that was only today, dummy!
V: k. i'll check. but i'll still need to know the duration of her stay. and it's not rude to ask!
me: yeah, that i know! i can ask her.
V: *with a look he has when he thinks he's had a brainwave* actually, let's just book a one-way. then, she won't be able to go back for quite some time. and u'll have company. and u both won't miss each other.
me: well, she's got a job, u know. and a family back home. who mite want her to go back.
V: oh well. i was just suggesting!
me: i shall pass on ur suggestion to her. if she agrees, make sure u're prepared for the madness.

stress busters

V's been slightly stressed these days. that set me thinking on what i used to do to bust stress or 'unwind' as i love saying. it aint a problem anymore. *living with V aint really stressful, u know!* but he does get stressed a lot *dunno what that sez abt me!* and this is what i thought of. in no specific order of priority.

a. a walk down the beach. even better, a day spent at a scarcely populated beach. the sea has a way of calming me down which i've neither been able to understand nor explain. but it sure as hell snaps me out of feeling blue!
b. a day spent at a good bookstore. i can read calvin & hobbes, any arbit feel-good book or my fave books *usually in the kids section*
c. hot cocoa. i really really get high when i'm feeling stressed & have hot cocoa. haven't been able to figure out why. i have, psyched out friends at times, tho!
d. a can of dark chocolate ice cream. preferably baskin robbins *now, ben & jerrys*. also, preferably with nougat swirls and chocolate covered almond chips!
e. good food. with lots and lots of cheese. maybe, a cheese sauce pasta?
f. a day in isolation. if nobody talks to me for a day, or asks me "what happened?" i tend to feel better a lot sooner. again, have no clue why.
g. a pedicure. hadn't realized that it helps me de-stress till i thought of it rite now! yeah, it does help me relax like nothing else!
h. hindi music. item numbers, fast, racy tracks. the peppier the song, the better. absolutely no depressing songs. and no ghazals. like them as i might, when i'm stressed, they just depress me!
i. a nice, long, warm shower. it's very very relaxing.
j. shopping. tho not much of a shopper, stress brings out the shop-a-holic in me. these buys are generally not used much later. coz they've been bought "on-the-rebound" as i call it! they're usually very arbit. but, they make me feel bright for even as long as week! sometimes, longer. depends on the post-purchase dissonance!

i guess that's it for now! nothing else's top-of-mind. and if it aint ToM, it may not be important. or maybe, it is. just that it's been so long since i've been stressed, that i can't seem to recollect!

love, actually

once upon a time, far far away... a princess, K, left her castle and decided to live an ordinary life. as fate would have it, she fell in love with a prince, C. the king & queen, deciding that she was a "civilian" and not of their pedigree would have nothing of it, and asked C to stay away from her. but there would be no love stories if all princes were obedient. the prince continued to meet the princess, albeit discreetly, for almost 7 years. they then felt it was time to take their relationship to the next level. the prince once again told his parents his desire to marry the "girl" they so disliked.
the king & queen were infuriated. they gave the prince an ultimatum. he was to choose between them & their wealth or the 'girl-next-door'. the prince had already prepared himself for this. he chose his love. the king banished the prince from his kingdom and resolved never to see him again.

the prince & the princess started a new life. they braved the cruel world to form their own happy world within it. and they managed. time passed. C was now a self-made man. he had never asked his father for help nor had he gone back to the castle. he had forgotten he was a prince. and was happy in his world with K. in time, they had two wonderful children - a son and a daughter. and they devoted themselves to raising them. they were the ideal parents. their children never had to crave or yearn for anything. in fact, the children got everything they wanted even before they could ask for it.
time passed, the children grew up. they left the nest, and set up their own nests in the world.

so, did C & K live happily ever after? well, they've been living. happily. ever together. for the past 38 years. how do i know this? because they happen to be my parents. and i miss them most today, when i can't be with them to celebrate their years of togetherness.

i owe a lot to them. my existence, love, faith, actualization of wedding vows - being together as long as u live, caring for each other in sickness and health - the belief in fairy tale romances, the letting everyone think independently - let them take their own decision, yet being there for them while they faced the consequences - knowing that "different" isn't necessarily good or bad... a lot more than i can pen down.

in today's fickle world, where love is being absolved to another four-letter word - they're proof to me, that it isn't!

marna mana hai

this is to all those frenz of mine, who keep saying "i'm gonna die" because of their work loads. or mood swings. or any other reason.
if u all think that d grass is greener on the other side and envy me for the same, there're some things u need to tell urself. again.
a. i am extremely lazy. u are not.
b. i LOVE reading, writing, watching movies *quality doesn't matter here*, doing nothing. so i'm happy. NONE of u *almost* like all these activities. if u stay at home, u'll drive yourself or ur hubby crazy.
c. V IS going crazy. just because he doesn't crib to you, doesn't mean he's fine. don't expect ur hubby to empathize when u refuse to go out of the house, but crib that u've been in all day! only i can pull that off. *smirks*
d. NONE of u need a VISA to work. i do. getting a job is a process which tires me more than the actual job or being at home. so, i prefer to while my time writing pieces like this and chatting away till u fall asleep. *which may not make sense to any1 but me!*

so, be happy! and most importantly, don't die/hibernate/disappear/any other synonym for the same. i have very few of u. if all of u get depressed simultaneously, it kind of crashes my defense mechanism. and it makes me feel depressed too. which, as V would vouch, is VERY dangerous for his health. and mine, too. can't u gurls take turns in feeling depressed? okay, no.. that's not a solution. that's just me being extremely selfish. *smirks again*

i don't care how depressed u are. or how over-worked. u're my friend. and u HAVE to snap out of it. i know u can. yes, i know u have super powers. that's the only way u have been able to manage me. *this is not true for S. she's a mom. and moms are superhuman, anywez!*
i am extremely selfish. and i want all of u to be there for me. happily. ALWAYS! like i am there for u. *ok, not actually there.. but there. u know what i mean!*

so c'mon snap out of it! u can't die on me! i'm too good for that.

p.s.: this is a part of my "write 150 words per day" resolution. i don't care whether this is 150, less or more. also, i have no reasons for having made this resolution 3 months late. i just felt like it today.

of growing up...

two things reminded me of my bro today:
i. i read orchid's post on her bro.
ii. i just saw an approximately 5 year-old look out for his younger sister *who must be around 3* while they crossed the street in front of my house.

my bro & i are 5 years apart. while growing up, we've never shared. feelings, studying, clothes - not even dogs! *we had two dogs. one stayed in his room & one in mine!* he used to scare me with stories of how he'd turn me into an insect if i didn't do as he said! *i don't r'ber this, but dad tells me!* he thought i was a snob, and attributed this to me attending an all-girls' convent. we've never really "fought" like siblings do. but as we grew up, we kind of mellowed down, and started relating to each other.

in a lot of ways, we're opposites.
he's extremely extroverted. he's almost always the life of parties. i'm anti-social. he gets along with EVERY one. i wonder how!
he plays cricket & soccer & hockey. i don't go beyond word games.
he cud give any indian/american idol the run for his money. i couldn't sing to save my life!
he has the amazing amount of faith, patience and determination that could actually move boulders! *he waited 9 long years to actualize his dream of flying for an airline.* i have the attention span of a goldfish! i'd have given up on my dreams for a better, read, more convenient, option. and then patted myself on my back for being very smart & practical abt it! *i know i have issues!*
he was an obedient kid. i grew up with my parents wondering why i couldn't be as obedient as him *dunno if he knows this!*
he wasn't very good at acads. but i made up for it!
he can talk for hours on the phone! with anyone. i have nothing to say... and start fidgeting with everything around me in about 5 mins.
he's regular with phone calls home. it's been the bane of my existence for the past 7 years. *since i left home* and i'm still no better at it. he chatted with mom for hours on the phone, while i used to send a text message which read "al wl. gng out. wl rch l8. cl u 2mrw."
he sucks at abbreviations! *can't be all good, eh?* i rock! *i can't be all bad, eh!*
he takes HOURS to shop even for ONE pair of blue jeans. i get done with my shopping in 20 mins flat! *outfit & accessories!*

despite our differences, he's been an ideal elder bro. he used to drop me to school, then college. pick me up after exams, drop me to parties, TAKE me with him to parties later *when i was older, of course!* tried to teach me to ride his precious kinetic honda! *he scared me more than teaching me!* came out pubbing with my almost-lunatic frenz *AND got along with ALL of them!*, i can go on & on...

but what stands out most in my mind is that time when my folks had decided it was high time for me to get married! since i confessed i wasn't dating anyone, they were in d process of finding me a groom. that was one of the rare moments when he gave me the "elder bro" talk. told me that i didn't have to do anything i didn't want to do. that he'd be there, and stand up for me, if required. that i could take my time, and wait till i found someone i really wanted to marry. that he understood the pressures, but it was my life.
that one moment really really told me everything we've never said to each other. that we would always be there for each other. that he loved me. that i could count on him. that he WAS & would be my elder bro. that he'd seen a lot more than i have, in life. and i could always learn from his experiences. no matter how smart i thought i was!

thanks bro, for being there. through time, distance, age and marital status!

life's like that!

was having a conversation with a fren. she said that we *as in, her & me* will never get down to doing what we truly feel we should be doing. what we're capapble of. what we should be doing. in a way, we're not doing anything that would merit a "wow" from anybody. me, especially!

i've always wanted to become a wildlife photographer! to wander deep into rainforests, experience that life. i love photography per se. but i love shooting animals the most. but well, i never got down to doing that. i also thought of becoming a forest officer *when i was 10, i think* and a vet *when i was 14* but never got down to it.

i've wanted to be a figure skater. at the ice skating rink, the other day, i watched. fascinated. as countless people - gurls, boys, teens, women - figured how to skate on ice! i wanted to do that since i was 7! but in a country where figure skating is neither a sport nor a vocation, i gave up that dream without ever voicing it. *my parents wud've insisted i follow it! so i never told them.*

i wish i could illustrate. sketch those amazing figures i see on getty or iCards. draw up caricatures of my friends! well, i must confess, i truly don't have the skills for that!

i wanted to travel. extensively. i love the life of a vagabond. that feeling of knowing where ur roots are. but never waiting in a place long enough to form roots again. finding out about different places, their histories, their cultures, the food. not knowing where you would be the following week has a certain thrill that i can't put down in words.

but i also like the cushy life. *confession - i often contradict my own ideas!* the stability, the mundaneness of my current life. maybe, 5 years back, i would've had the courage to take life by the horns. today? today i am happy. i've mellowed. *as mush is possible, i think* i've started finding this life exciting. *in it's own way, of course.* is the thrill of doing what u perceive as exciting worth the stability i have today? today, i'm sure. it's not worth it for me. because when i think of all the things i've wanted. the first thing that comes to my mind is a home & family. i've wanted that for as long as i remember. and now that i have it, i'm not willing to side-line it for all the excitement in the world.

and i guess, life IS like that. u make choices. and u live by them. i had the time and opportunity to make my choices. i've made them now. and i stand by them. the fact that i'm happy about them, and don't regret them *so far, at least* just adds to the flavor!

of love. and chocolates.

i don't normally celebrate valentine's day. the concept of a "day for expressing love" kind of puts me off. but even then, pestering hubby is one of my fave pastimes!

me: what're u getting me for valentine's day?
v: i thot we didn't believe in that "express ur love" type of commercial hallmark day?
me: we don't. but still.
v: a bunch of those heart-shaped balloons. a box of heart-shaped candy. red roses to go along with that. and maybe, a ring or pendant or something.
me: yikes! NO! why wud u get me any of that?!
v: that's what is a conventional valentine day gift. u already have the wine at home, or wud've added that to the list.
me: NO! i don't want any of that corny stuff!!
v: ok.
me: what okay?
v: u just sed u don't want any of the imaginary things i'd have got u.
me: i didn't say that. i just sed "be creative"
v: i'm a scientist. i'm not sposed to be creative.
me: hmm... yeah, that i know.
okay. candy will do. but make sure it's dark chocolate.
v: absolutely.
me: and don't send it to me anonymously. i won't be able to figure out who it's from.
v: why on earth wud i send it to u? i'll GIVE it to u. we live together, remember?
me: oh yeah. how boring. chuck it! don't get anything.
v: no. chocolates sounds good. dark chocolates. with hazelnut.
me: ok. also, make sure they are NOT heart-shaped.
v: what? WHY?? what's the point then? they're s'posed to be heart-shaped!
me: i hate heart-shapes.
v: we have to eat them. not love them!
me: but i have to love what i eat, rite? also, U can't eat my valentine's day gift! only I get to eat them.
v: wow! u're gonna gain weight.
me: UGH!!! NO! i won't! i have a good metabolism. i just need to MOVE in order to lose weight.
v: well, yeah. but u don't really move. rite?
me: moving from the couch to the kitchen also counts. i also go downstairs to check mail.
v: ok. touchy topic. i quit. but i'm still gonna eat some of the chocs i get for u. *after a 5 sec pause*
btw, do u actually want those chocolates?
me: now that we're talking of them. they do sound good!
v: ok. will get them for u. tomorrow. after all, love's in the air.
me: and it's red. and heart-shaped. make sure u don't catch any of it!

the circle of life...

at times i wonder... why is life like it is? m i doing my two-bits? if i even matter in the larger scheme of things. there's so much i want to do... there's so much i can't. will it make a difference if i continue? should i stop and make no effort...? should i be blue coz i can't do everything that i think there is to be done, or happy to be content? content in d fact that i'm doing what i can. i'm doing what i think will make me & mine happy...
and then, i saw the lion king. it cheered me up. gave me hope. restored my faith. it didn't give me answers. surely, no solutions. but it made me see "the circle of life"
From the day we arrive on the planet
And, blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life
- The Lion King.

it made me feel better. made me feel that there's more to life than i can ever understand. i can't explain why. or what. but then, somethings don't need to be explained. they're magical. because we believe. and i DO.

date, anyone...?

i like to believe i'm good at remembering dates. umm... no, not the romantic ones. i don't wanna go there. i mean more like birthdays, anniversaries... u get the point. i'm so weird i even tend to remember car numbers & phone numbers.

but i never know when the "day" passes me by! i thoroughly embarrassed myself last year. i forgot my closest frenz b'day. it wudn't have been so bad, but the fact remains *she may not believe me, tho* that i KNEW her b'date. i still do. i just forgot on the 3rd that it was the 3rd that day!
this was made worse by the fact that we traveled together. so she picked me up in the morng. and enroute to work mentioned that her mom had called her arnd 12 the previous night. i wondered if something was wrong *wondered loudly, for that too!*. THAT is when she snapped out of her frozen expression and stated "BITCH! it's my b'day. she called to wish me!" was my turn to freeze expression, then. but i really don't know how to do that *she's done a PhD in that, i think!* i made a puppy face *which i'm good at* and went "uh... oh... WOW... huh?... really? it's the 3rd today?" i think THAT is how stupid i sounded! i still don't remember if i wished her! *told u, i am NOT a morning person!*

but seriously, WHY can i never remember what day it is?! and if i can't, then what's the point of remembering the exact dates? that makes me feel even more doofusy! i sound like those theoretically sound strategies. the ones which make u wonder "what moron came up with these?" if u try to implement them.
amazingly ideal, theoretically - awfully impractical, actually!

besides, the fact that i remember dates has convinced me of d futility of setting alarms/alerts to remind me. that kind of insults my intellect *yeah, let's not get there! i know i have a problem!* i keep telling myself that if i'm so good with all the arbit info, i MUST be good at doing something with that info as well. let's see. last year, i attributed this behavior to "stress". i was working, remember? so i had a LOT of stress to deal with. and anyone who's worked with me at hungama would be able to vouch for that! the place reeks of stress. even sitting in the reception area can cause stress! *OK, enuf!* this year, i cud say it's the stress of not having anything to do. it IS stressful, at times, to do nothing. eh? it takes a lot of expertise to be good at it.

hmm... maybe if i negotiated with my ego a bit, i'd just go along with setting reminders. think it would be better if i focussed all this energy on finding solutions *remembering the day* rather than finding excuses *of WHY i forgot the day*. but then again, it's so much more creative to just find d purrfect excuse! i think i'll stay with that...!

p.s.: SS, i know ur b'day's 2mrw. i have not forgotten. i will call u. no excuses!