Apr 7, 2008

head or heart...?

some things happening to some people around me recently, have made me think... how sacred is the bond of "engagement?"
what happens if someone gets engaged to one person and a few months later realizes that he/she is in love with someone else?
is it legitimate for the engaged person to go ahead with the one they "think" they are in "love" with? or should he/she stand by the commitment they've already made?

strange as it may sound, such scenarios do exist. and they seem to be becoming rather common-place of late. or maybe, people're just a lot more public about their private lives now.

wotever the case, when i spoke to V, he seemed to believe that an "engagement" is not very different from a marriage. it's a decision u make. to be together. and as an adult, u are responsible to stand by your own decision and face the consequences. whether u like them or not.

initially, i agreed with him. but after i thought about it - i am, however, in two minds on this one.

i agree that it is a commitment. but i'm not sure what the person who's engaged & then fallen for someone else should do.
as for now, i think he/she has two choices:
a. stick to the commitment they've already made.
b. follow the heart. but first, pls be sure that this is THE one!

there are a lot of trains of thought regarding this one. i've often heard the "u can't trust someone who's going for the better option". bcoz someday, there is going to be a better version of you? and the person can always move on from you to the better version?
well, yeah. understand.
but, does it really make sense to spend the rest of your life with someone you are not in love with?

are relationships really this complicated or do we make them to be so?
i'm really happy i didn't have to take any such decisions! coz honestly, i have no clue what i'd have done!


La vida Loca said...

I would start by being grateful that I dint have to face such a choice! secondly if u think u maybe happier w/ someone else..how fair is it to 2 ppl involved?

Solitaire said...

Rayshma, I do not necessarily think that when someone falls in love with someone else despite being committed elsewhere that they have chosen a "better" option. I do not blame the one who wants to get out of the present relationship completely. I feel that if its not working, its not working for both. If one is not happy, the other is also not going to be happy. So if not for one's own self, one should at least not let the partner suffer an entire lifetime of unhappiness. A breakup may lead to some heartache but eventually people move on and find someone else. It is better to be married and be "stuck" with someone that you don't want to be with for the rest of your lives.

alice-in-wonder said...

A very 'deep' post. Ya know, i have ridiculed n totally trashed the movie KANK while watching it. Later though, i've felt, what's shown in it is a very possible scenario. You've captured that exact sentiment in this post.

Lena said...

it is not like going for a better option... i guess we all make mistakes and engagement being a commitment and a serious step in a relationship still can be a mistake something. If you happen to realise it before marriage it might be complicated to take a right decision but if you realise it AFTER marriage it will be even more complicated and hardly possible to change without hurting too many people.
Life is indeed a complicated thing!

MJS said...

Well, I believe that one should follow the heart.. irrespective of the fact that there will be a better of you someday, Life is about today!
If you don't love the person TODAY, what do you know about tomorrow!

So I would say, go for it. At least you believe that today you love him.

mayG said...

I'd say you can never really be sure if a particular person is THE ONE.. it doesn't end at marrying the love of your life.. you have to motivate yourself to put effort at making the marriage work out each day of the rest of your life! thats the kind of commitment a happy marriage asks for...

S.Ghosh said...

well i must say its a good composition ... also i think that its a matter of knowing one's desire.a person's sub conscience mind knows what he likes and likes not ...just have to follow that direction ....

Pavi!!!! said...

Relationships are complicated dahling....very very complicated!All of 'em!

n am i glad too..that i din't have too many of these kinda choices to make

But i know a dear friend's GF..who broker her engagement, ran away from home n then the boys drove to her rescue and a lot of drama after all that. Seeing how happily married the 2 are..I'm convinced it was worth it.

If u know that early in a relp that there is sum1 else for u..it makes sense to xplain to the 3rd person and walk out of the engagement instead of messing up too many lives.Rite? But u said it rite..the person should be sure about THE ONE !

n better?no wez.there is no godo,better,best in relaationships!Just that 2 ppl are destined for each other...

Galadriel said...

You just make sure that whatever you decide is accepted and understood by everyone who matters. You aren't thinking of dumping Vin are ya? You've got me to answer! (BTW if you do, he's free right? :P)

rayshma said...

galadriel: where will i find another like this!? no way am i dumping my man! :P plz feel free to hit on him, tho... u have my blessings! :0)

pavi: i agree with u. but then, the person in question is not even sure of their feelings... which is what complicates it further. will give u details later...;)

ghosh: welcome aboard! don't u think desires are unending? u get one, and u want the next...no?

mayg: absolutely! u're bang on what i was trying to say. if a person wants to escape at the first thought of argument, how wud that person survive a marriage?!
when i say the "ONE", i mean the one person u WANT to spend the rest of ur life with. :)

mrids: i don't agree with you. if it's all about today, then working a marriage is next to impossible. the way i see it... i make a decision, and i don't look back. or ahead. and come hell or high tide, i stand by my man.
and in this case, there's no confidence about love... it's just "i think"... and to clarify, i'm not talking of me! :D

lena: true. completely agree with you here.

alice: i liked KANK conceptually. of course, it irritated the hell out of me by it's "we make films for NRIs and we ham etc etc"; but the theme was really good.

solitaire: i agree with you, sol. just that, i'm not sure that is the case in this scenario.
perhaps i should have given more clarity, but couldn't do that here. will share the details with you.

loca: absolutely my thought too! i mean, it's the rest of ur life. u'd rather be with someone u want to be with. but then, it gets complicated...

Suruchi said...

babes! there is little anyone can do about/for anyone in such a scenario...let it take its natural course,things will sort out on its own!

Solitaire said...

i have a typo in my comment. Last sentence is supposed to read as, "It is better THAN to be...."

Swati said...

I think ..A commitment is a commitment..even if its no engagement ..just verbal.

blog rolled you.

carolinagal said...

Interesting post RayRAy!

I don't quite agree with the statement "Engagement is same as marriage"..coz if it were, there would be no need for an engagement. The purpose of an engagement in my opinion is to share a commitment with someone,..share the idea of spending lives together. But at the same time, provide them with the opportunity to back off from the commitment if need be. It is much better to break off an engagement than being unhappy in a marriage. Anyways, just my opinion.

Lavs said...

Isn’t life getting too complicated for words??? I guess the decision ultimately rests with that particular person. Haven’t we seen enough hindi movies with this theme as story?