Jun 26, 2008

flying bluez...

wanted to do this post soon as i got back. actually, i want to do this EACH time i fly to & fro... but never got down to it. so today, i shall finally do this.

there are some things i'd like to say to random ppl who happen to be on my flight(s) or around me at the airport.

:: please do not sit right NEXT to me. esp when half the lounge is empty. even if u're an indian/pakistani/middle eastern woman traveling alone. i am not here to give u company. i don't mind talking. but heyy, u can sit two seats away and chat me up too, u know.

:: PLEASE do not scream into ur mobile phones. the world and it's aunt doesn't need to know what u're saying. even if it's an international call. even if it's a business call. even if u're talking to britney spears. which i don't think it is. unless u're asking ur client/agency/britney spears to "check behind the couch if u left the keys there?" seriously. u're not gonna need the keys till u're back, u know.

:: plz refrain from asking me if i'm middle eastern or mexican. no, i don't mind being middle eastern or mexican but i don't think it's a nice way of opening a conversation. how about "so where are u from?" or "traveling to paris/b'bay?" see? nicer?

:: i don't speak espanol. except for hola. so when u start talking to me animatedly in espanol, and i look at u and say..."sorry. english?" it means i'm not mexican. not that i'm a rude mexican bitch who's trying to avoid u. i'm sorry about the hair color... but seriously. u need to meet more indians.

:: if u're a firang *read american/european or any other white/black/colored male*, please don't say "that's such a beautiful name." it's corny. and no, it's not getting u brownie points! vain i may be, but even i know that u haven't really got the name.

:: pls do not wear so much gold jewelery that it sets off the bloody beeps during security. carry the bloody thing in ur bag if u must! wear it when u land. and how is it that i end up standing 2-3 persons behind u? ALWAYS? sigh!

:: u KNOW u have to take off ur blastid footwear at the airport for screening. could u not wear knee high boots? with or without softball socks? u take an eternity to get off those things!

:: keep ur hand baggage AWAY from me. just bcoz i look friendly doesn't mean u can knock ur blastid bags into my ass/knees or place them on my feet! and if u do so, don't expect me to smile at u. not even if u're a greek god!

:: will u pls pick ur infant from the screening tray?? ppl like me keep their shoes in it. unless u don't care about germs and want to screen the baby.

:: pls restrain urself from exploring each others' vocal cords in a check-in line. i don't care what u do as long as u don't hold me up!

:: no, i will not look after ur child while u go shop at duty free. what if u're trying to get rid of the kid, eh?! what if the kid starts crying? what if it accuses me of kidnapping it??? and HOW can u ask a stranger to "watch" after ur child while u shop?????

:: the bus/train is free. but that doesn't mean it's a first-come-first serve basis. plz don't behave like these are the bombay locals.

:: PLZ buy those travel-pack deos? and toothpastes. plz? i know u can't carry much on a flight, but if u know u stink plz do a favor on humanity. it's worth it.

:: 6 inch stilletos?? on a 22 hour flight? really?! with skin fit jeans and an excuse for a tee? i understand that this might be your first trip to india *by overhearing conversations between u & ur folks* and i love the fact that u're trendy. and yeah, those heels are nice. but seriously, u're gonna be SO uncomfortable.. u won't even be able to say "beauty hurts" by the time u land.

:: u there! applying 24 kilos of duty-free purchased make-up on ur face... yeah u?! can u not hog two mirrors and the entire sink. i need to brush my teeth and catch my next flight. besides, this is not ur personal spa. it's a public washroom!? also, plz... go light on the make-up, will ya? u're scaring me.

:: the luggage carousel doesn't throw away ur bags if u don't get to them first, u know? the bags come back. and back. till u claim ur piece of junk. and PLZ... if i'm standing there. with a cart. DO NOT try to jump in front of it. i simply gnash the cart into ur shins. i don't think u like that.

:: it really won't hurt u - u wannabe hulk - to help me lift that 22 kg bag off the carousel. instead of waiting for me to 'make eyes' at u and say plz. i am nicer when u volunteer. i may even say thanks and/or bye to u.

29 comments:

La vida Loca said...

somebody actually asked u to babysit while they shopped????????

Suma said...

atta girl, show those claws, ......that's teh way a true cat behaves...

:D

DotThoughts said...

now.. there's a girl after my own mind. what a hilarious post. I can't believe people actually asked you to watch their kid while they shopped? gawd. I get the "are you mexican" a LOT and in mexican. I understand teeny bits and I always reply with a "no habla espanol"

Prats said...

**applause applause**
Do people really take off leaving their kids with strangers??? Gosh1 I'd have had a heart attack before I even thought of it...
and yes, ma'm...we shall go easy on the make up :D

Mystic Margarita said...

ROTFL! This is sooo hilarious - loved all the tips - will deffo keep them in mind while traveling - never know when I might run into you! And seriously, someone asked you to watch their kid while they shopped? And put their kid in a screening tray? LOL! I get the mexiccan bit, too, which I reply with - no habla espanol. I did take a course in Spanish while in college, but don't know enough to carry on a conversation anyway.

rayshma said...

rita: 3 women have asked me on 3 different occasions to babysit while they shopped. i thought this happened with everyone or something... but i guess this is another of those... 'happens only with me' moments.
screening tray yeah... this also i've seen a couple of times. while the mom/dad pull off their shoe or help the other kid.. the infant is often IN the tray!
no habla espanol it is from now! :D

prats: initially i thought they meant watch over "bags"... which also i wudn't be okay with! but KID! seriously!
u know the make-up bit is ALWAYS at paris airport :D the woman this time had the ENTIRE area covered with bags of newly bought stuff! and i HAD to brush! barely had time left for next flight! :D

dottie: it's weird na? i mean, even suruchi doesn't ask me to watch over advika. THAT is how scary i am with kids! and these are random aunties! imagine how shocked i was the first time! :D i think i'm gonna learn espanol! they seem quite offended when i don't speak it back! :D

suma: :0) how's the vacation coming along, eh?! when u coming back, btw?!

loca: by now i'm used to it! and can say no politely without looking shocked! :D one sexy momma wanted to go buy alcohol at dubai airport. so she tottered along in 4 inch heels and asked if i mind watching over her 2 year old. but how is it that none of u have been "solicited" in this manner?!

P said...

looks like you met every possible type of weird co-passengers :D

I got that 'are you mexican' one couple of times but usually people don't bother me directly..maybe I don't look friendly :P

La vida Loca said...

Possibly coz I dont have ur pretty face. I actually look fierce.
I get espanol? a lot. Since I can speak somewhat I reply only if the asker is cute ! heh

Galadriel said...

wow, lemme warn new jersey never to fly when there's a certain rayshma, from a certain texas flying to india.

sahana said...

wow! reyshma! u can never ever say that ur flights were a bore!
u can add, guys avoiding scratching their butt crack like they were all alone in the world types!
but , babysit, true???

Ankur said...

sounds like u had a series of nasty experiences recently!! :D

but it sounds hilarious to me!!!
i will follow the dos n donts if i may travel with u!! :P

btw... what color is ur hair???
Mexican everyone thinks u r??
y not indian???

Poppins said...

Hilarious. Do ppl really put infants in a screening tray? LOL. Some parents *rolls eyes*

Solitaire said...

GEEZ!

I can totally identify with that situation where the frantic latino tries to make conversation to you in spanish!

guess it happens a lot in TX!

Sarfraaz Ahmed said...

Oh boy !!! You are so much harrassed on these trips .. ufff .. I bet you still feel like you are travelling in a Bombay local even after paying such hefty amounts to board those planes.

After reading through the comments, I have a feeling that all those aunties find you trust worthy and caring enough to leave their kids in your custody :p

Anand Sarolkar said...

Hey baray...itka bhav khaycha ani var bag uchalayla madat milel ashi apeksha karaychi :D

sahi ahe :)

alice-in-wonder said...

Lol... You've totally said everything that needs to be said on this topic. Any time I feel like ranting on this topic, I will just come here, read this and feel better. :D

Mansi Trivedi said...

hehehehe love the post

Prats said...

**but how is it that none of u have been "solicited" in this manner?!**

Heheheh...Rays...that requires skill to stay invisible to such offloaders...

Preethi said...

Oh god Raysh yo utoouched a nerve, I think I will take this as a tag!! Gawd these people.. of all colors include the red and green too.. I positively get the jitters when I travel. As for conversation.. do you really mind if you give me some privacy? whats with practically asking me my address as soon as you see me!!??

rayshma said...

preethi: thanks gurl! u make me feel normal! do take this up as a tag!

prats: pliss to impart those skills! :D

mansi: thx! :)

alice: hehe!

anand: LOL! i was hoping no1 notices that li'l oddity! :D
pan ho na... muli ashach astaat! ;)

sarfraaz: i really don't think i look very approachable or friendly! yeah, i do look the types who wouldn't ever hold anyone's baby for them! :D

sol: yeah! happens quite a bit here. u should see the dirty looks i get when i don't respond in espanol! geez! it's like a kannadiga not speaking kannada in b'lore! :D

poppins: hehe... yeah! it's very convenient, i know. but still... :D

ankur: most folks here in TX may not have interacted with indians. brown is equated with latinos here, i guess. dunno for sure.
hair color..? used to be red, is auburn now...

sahana: u bet! there's always entertainment :) and yeah... that's SO gross!!! :D three occasions... have been 'solicited' to "watch" baby while they need to urgently buy something.

galadriel: u made me smile all thru the past two days. u can say anything u want! :)

loca: sigh! where pretty re?! only old aunties talk to me. and give me dirty looks also since i'm not latino! :(

p: i guess i look interested/friendly since i don't read/listen to music. i love observing people. so i'm generally looking around and must come across as rather vella! :D

K 3 said...

Ok tell me where do you travel that you meet so many characters!!! ROFL!!

sahana said...

i think , that i am taking up this as a tag too!actually, i want to share an incident on the way to our annual, good old friends get together, at Goa.prats should be able to give her input on that too!

Na.Su.Krishnan said...

Rayshma..Was exiled from Blog world for some time..

I think you shall take up a job of policy writing (Especially for airports :)

Lena said...

OMG! never thought so much could happen during flights. Or is it mostly "happens only with rayshma"? :D

Loved reading it, made me smile most of the times :)

carolinagal said...

LOL!! This is so funny..and so true!!

I can't believe people ask you to watch their kids while they shop!! Thats just insane!!

And lol @ the six-inch stilletos chick!

Prats said...

@sahana...that was out in the post I wrote after the new year trip.. :)
HERE

rayshma said...

prats: i r'ber reading that... and feeling all nostalgic! :)

CG: lol! seriously... WHY wud u wear such heels on long flights?! :D unless u're hired as in-flight entertainment of course...;)

lena: seriously! i thot this would be happening with mostly everyone... i guess it's just me! and preethi! :D

NSK: sure! lemme know when u do that :) would love to read... why were u exiled?

sahana: waiting... :)

k3: here & there.. mostly on flights to india... :)

Pinku said...

hmmm....quite a travel....seems like it becomes more interesting than the destination....atleast it gives us hilarious posts..

BTW ever thought of accepting to look after baby/bag etc...and then moving it away from original area...that should teach those people some lesson for the future.

plush said...

lol...me catching up on all ur what-not-to-dos and whats-with-thems...