Apr 5, 2009

home is where u belong...

there are a few questions that leave me totally blank for a few seconds. what did u do for a living...? where, in india, are you from...? being 2 of those few.

now, technically... home would *and should* be pune. and it shouldn't be a question that leaves me confused. i've spent a major part of my life... well over 20 years there... i have a lot of memories - good & bad - associated with the town... my mom still lives there... so that should be what i consider home.
but it's not.

i do like it. yes. i also love the shrewsbury biscuits and bakarwadi and kayani cake. but apart from that.. and my mom, i really can't think of anything that would make me want to go back.
i think since i was 15 or so... i wanted to move out of the city. of course, dad vetoed it initially.. then gave me the option of leaving the city under two circumstances:
a. get a respectable job that you may not get here, or
b. get admission into a post grad school which is better than the ones in pune.
a, i thought was not possible without b... so that's about when i discovered about the CAT... and decided that was my only hope of getting out of town.
WHY i wanted to leave... i don't know. i just never felt "comfortable" enough there.
once i left... i never felt like going back. usually, these things happen to me in phases. i WANT something real bad... i work for it.. i get it... then i get bored and leave it and return to whatever it was i loved and had before. but not this time. i was "happy" being away from pune. i was at home in bbay. the last place i thought would be 'home' for me. *i still hate local trains and a lot of other things about bbay... but it doesn't lessen the way i love that city!*

today, when i say "i want to go home".. i really want to go meet my mom, get pampered for a while... then move on to bbay... and actually "feel" at home. for some reason... i don't see myself living in any other city! when i say home, i think bbay.

a lot of ppl think i love pune. i do give the city it's due because i have memories there... of growing up... of finding myself... but i doubt i'd defend it if there were an argument on pune v/s bbay. i know i may sound vociferous when i say "it's a great city!" but that's the way i talk. doesn't have to mean that i AM that passionate about what i'm saying! :P *i even sound assertive when i talk of B-grade bollywood films...doesn't mean i love them.*

i know it's strange... to not really associate with a city that u spent over 20 years of ur life in... but to call a place where u spent merely 6 years - home. makes me feel a little rootless at times... but well.. not everything has to make sense.

p.s.: this post is a li'l all over the place... but then it's like that in my head too...


Prashanti :) said...

hmmm... can understand what you are trying to say. My place in India is home to me just because my mom is there and its the home I grew up in ... there is not much to the place other than that and even thought I love the place to bits and I loved growing up there, I would not want to go back and live there again :(. I dont know why I say that .. now you have gotten me all confused :(

Sarfraaz Ahmed said...

Yeah. I too feel exactly the same about the first town I ever knew as "mine" .. Belgaum .. Strange attachment I have with that place, where I spent close to 7 years of my childhood. I still remember its smell and streets like no other place :)

Btw .. this musical background looks good .. But, can you try changing the font color ? Its too bright. May be even that orange [ already present in small bits on your page ] should do

La vida Loca said...

I know what you mean sorta.
I am from b'lore and have lived there for over 20 years. Then KS, now CA.To me home has come to mean where I sleep at night and where my stuff are. Now it includes the husband.

PURN!MA said...

AAH! I dunno what to say.

Two things: 1. if the city was anything but Pune, I'd have had something to say..or maybe I'd stay safe and sound cliched saying "it happens"
2. and since it IS Pune, I dunno what to say. Because when it comes to that I'm terribly biased...this not wrt to ur post but generally, I have loved being there and wouldn't mind being there for the rest of my life. And thats why I cannot so relate to your post. Of course, you do have your liberties of choosing your "home" city.

Keeping my prejudices away, now abt your post :
I guess we feel more at home where we find our peace...and that's got nothing to do with the facilities the city provides or the people we are staying with. Its about you and you only.
This I understand perfectly since right now m here at Sg, at my brother's place, seemingly enjoying every bit of it with my SIL and my niece and yet I'm restless. I want to run back home, and I feel guilty for that sometimes.
when i'm back in Pune, even when I'm home-alone for weeks, I don't feel lonely or harassed that I don't have my loved ones near me.

.... Damn it, Lady! You got me thinking now. how could you!! :P :)

Pixie said...

Hmmm... yea.. i know.
I feel at home in Mysore, never thought I would here in Blore, but, I do.. and when I saw home - i get clashing pictures of home in Mysore and my home in Blore... :D

Pinku said...

hmmm....home truly is where u belong...to me funnily it always is the place where my books and music are....

Kippie® said...

I totally get this! U know i lived only 2.5 years in bombay and would still call it home! I think it's the magic of bombay that just reels one in! :)

Anand Sarolkar said...

I feel,when you love one place more than the other, it's because of the memories you cherish from that place. Like 2 years I spent in Pune are no match to 20 years I spent in Aurangabad. I love both the places but I love Pune a bit more :)

Strange Is't it? What bbay is to you Pune is to me and what Pune is to you Aurangabad is to me :)

Galadriel said...

i do not feel at home anywhere. not pune, no chennai, not mumbai and not even here in the USA. perhaps i am a nomad at heart. i do not know. but what really gets me all misty-eyed is the fact that whenever i think of 'home' all i see is my parents, my brother and my immediate family all having a good time. the image is set in different places at different times, and i suppose in the end that is all that matters.

DewdropDream said...

Mysore and London.

I belong :)

Lavs said...

ME doing good babe.how about you? you have been tagged!
PS: loved this template!

rayshma said...

lavs: doing good.. thx!
will chk out the tag in a bit...

dewey: hehe... ess! :) but would u feel at home if you were to move back to mysore?

galadriel: vin's like that. :)

anand: yeah.. but i never liked pune.. even when there weren't any memories associated with any other place... there was just this "restlessness" and the urge to leave.

kippie: i guess it is! the city adopts u. :D

pinku: currently, my books are all over.. :( but yeah.. i get what u're saying...

pix: :D

purnima: see? the impossible has happened. MY blog has made YOU think! :D two impossibles there! :D
i completely u'stand how u feel about pune. really. and sometimes i wish i did feel that way. then i realize i do... but about bbay... :)

loca: i'm still waiting for a place we both (vin and i) can call home...

sarfraaz: u read on reader! doesn't the font look black there?!
totally get what u're saying abt belgaum...

prashanti: it's strange, isn't it?

K3 said...

I think the magic is in B-Bay - once you live there even for a month & you are attached! ;) And for folks who have never lived there, sorry you guys have missed the magic!

But, does home have to be just one place? It could be all the places you lived, have memories, have friends - as long as you feel safe & loved, that is home.

Keshi said...

I can totally u'stand how u feel....I grew up in Colombo, went to school there etc...but it's really not my home. Sydney has become my home. Cos as they, home is where ur heart is. And like ur title suggests, its where u feel u BELONG.

And it doesnt matter that ur home is not where u were born or raised. Nothing is right or wrong Raysh. What u FEEL is wuts right for YOU.

**i WANT something real bad... i work for it.. i get it... then i get bored and leave it and return to whatever it was i loved and had before

ur so like me...except that I always seem to find new homes...not necessarily in terms of cities tho.

great post here Raysh.


DewdropDream said...

Sure, long as I am vacationing permanently :D Or self-employed full time.

roop said...

dadly, i dont know what home is. hmmm. i really dunno ... or just that i am in this weird mood. i dunno. :(

Pavi!!!! said...

i said another place ..another time.. dinno tht wld be so soon...

So ya…I’m at that point of life when no place feels like home..i donno if thts sumthing to be worried abt….
3 yrs back…when I had to leave to Hyd for 3 mths…I cried my heart out n I cldn’t imagine that I was leaving Blr to anywhere else..all this drama for 3 mths okay…but surprisingly I enjoyed Hyd !
N then agn when I was lvg to the US..the same year..i thot it was unimaginable to be away frm Blr for so long…n yet I did..w/o whining. Infact I took to being away from home better than any of my friends did..I cried, but not as much as I thot I would…
Last year I looked fwd to my india trip…to sleep in MY bedroom, to sit at my fav corner of the kitchen slab n have madras kaapi prepared by mom, to swing in the jhoola in the balcony etc etc.. But 3 weeks after landing I Blr n experiencing it all..i was ready to move….Its the people(my parents, grandfolks, Sis, Rishab and V) that define home for me…not a city, state or Country!!

Pavi!!!! said...

BTW..this template.. me likes. its so much more YOU! The pic of the gurl on thee right would make it complete :)

Orchid said...

soon the equation will change...few more yrs...ur life in india will be a blur, I am not trying to diminish anything..but u wouldve spent most of ur adult life here but then again...home is where the heart is, right??

are u guys still in cs??

rayshma said...

orch: yep.. still here... the PhDs done tho :)

pavi: what girl pic?
yeah... i was wondering y u were commenting on FB instead of here :D

roop: i can get not knowing where home is... dunno why... but i can...

dewey: yeah... then that's not like me! :D

keshi: thanks, gurl! :)
i haven't lived in that many places to be able to call them home, actually. the physical "house" changes for me pretty frequently! haven't settled in yet, i guess.
dunno if i ever will.

k3: TOTALLY! so happy that i didn't miss the magic! :D