Jan 12, 2011

to new beginnings...

I've been thinking of doing this post for a while now. Then I thought that I should go ahead with it the way I have with the past decade. Not too much thought. But as much heart as I put into everything I do. Well, almost everything! :)
But, it's been a VERY interesting decade. A lot has changed. A lot remains the same. I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've learned. I've realized the worth of life. And the little moments that make it thus.

This post may not be very lucid. But then, neither was the decade. Neither is life.

- I don't judge anymore. people, relationships, situations. I don't have an opinion on what should work. Because I realize that it's none of my business what someone else does in their life. I always believed in living and letting live. now, I actually practice that.

- From yearning for knowing-it-all, I know now that i can never know enough. That there's nothing called enough. there never will be.

- I'm back in school - I started grad school in 2000 and now almost in 2011. Yeah, it took me a decade to understand the importance. Hopefully, this time I'll make the most of it. And not go through the motions coz I need to get on with life.

- 10 years ago, I was looking to find myself. Today, I know that there isn't just one me. I'm like those russian dolls they sell at colaba causeway. You open one to find another inside and you can never know how many there are inside. *maybe you can, but I like not knowing* There's so many mes that sometimes I surprise myself and I love that element of unpredictability. That feeling of not knowing how I'll react to something.
- I understand the importance of true friends. Of people who will stand by you despite knowing you for you. Because they know you. Because they love you. And always will. Even if you ignore them for a while. People who will wait for you. Who will be there for you at your weakest, most vulnerable moments and not once mention it after that. People who will see you grow, who will give you the space to grow and secretly feel proud of you. I'm glad i've realized their importance. And happier that I've found some such people. Honored that they think I'm worth it.

- I never thought i'd leave my career for a man. I did. And after half a decade *almost*, I have no regrets either. Yeah, I surprise myself.

- I realized that the loss of someone close will always remain just that, a loss. And nothing can fill that up. Not time, not distance, not someone else. That people ARE irreplaceable. You may hide the vacuum, conceal it, suppress it... but it will remain. In the depths.

- I am no longer insecure about myself. I've worked long and hard and I finally accept myself for who I am, for how I am. For how I will be. I'm not perfect. Which is why I'm human.

- I realize that "I want!" is not a good enough reason for everything to be dropped into my lap. That I have to work for it. That it's only when you yearn for something that you realize how much it means. It's only when you don't have it, when you realize how precious it is. I've realized that I can't take anything for granted. And I've come to treasure things that I know I can't live without. And people.

- I've realized that there is no equivalent to girlfriends. I know that I can count on mine at any hour of the day or night... for anything. however irrelevant. But they'll be there. And I will be there for them. Even at 3 AM IST! :D

- I realize now that no matter how critical an issue may seem like right now. Someday, in the not-so-distant-future, I'll have the ability to look back and laugh it off. I just know I have the strength to do it. As a friend put it, "it's all relevant, till it's not".

There's a lot more that can't be put into bullet points. The little things, the humor, the conversations, the jibes, the vibes... the little things that make a decade memorable, but are too personal to be put up on a blog... and for that, I'm grateful. Here's hoping that this decade lives up to or betters the previous one!


Minal said...

Beautiful. When did you grow up so much?

BlueMist said...

Brilliant post. I can see myself writing many of those

rayshma said...

BlueMist: thanks! :)

Minal: :)
Though, I live in denial... Peterpan still rocks! :D

Galadriel said...

Here's to many more such decades!

P.S: Call sometime, yeah?

Pavi!!!! said...

Doesn't it feel so darned good to look back at the last 10 yrs...and to see how much n well we have transformed ! :)

n ya! can u imagine in about 6 odd months , we'll be married for 5 full years! Time does fly!

Anonymous said...

No words, just *Hugs*

On another note, hope you are holding up OK with all those nasty storms your side..?


La vida loca said...

how wonderful! It is privilege being a part of your life, however little.

Suruchi said...

muah! love this! this one is the best :-)!

Roli Bhushan-Malhotra said...

R: i can identify with a lot. There's one that i can contribute too: a feeling of patience? Maybe being 'settled' in life endows you with that?

Kippie® said...

what a lovely and enviable list i sayyy!!

Anonymous said...

Usually I do not write on blogs, but I would like to say that this article really convinced me to do so! Congratulations, pretty nice submit.

Beyond Indigo said...

Reshma! This is beautiful. You're gifted! When are you writing THAT book? I am waiting to read it.

Beyond Indigo said...

Reshma! This is beautiful. You're gifted! When are you writing THAT book? I am waiting to read it.

Dewdrop said...

Brillant ! Loved each and every point you made here :)