kal, aaj aur kal...

been a while i did a tag, eh? so here goes. courtesy K3. she's made up this tag and she calls it YTT... but desi that i am. i relate more to kal aaj aur kal!

~ The tag copy ~
Two questions in each category answer them and then tag your friends from the blog-o-sphere. (Simple enough right) Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged and you are all set.

Yesterday
Your oldest memory
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Today
Your first thought today morning
If you built a time capsule today what would it contain?
Tomorrow
This year ….
What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?
~ End Tag details ~

Y'DAY
my oldest memory: me playing with mom's snow white kitty. i still remember being SO in awe of that cat. she was HUGE *from a 2 year old's perspective* and absolutely snow white! and amazingly friendly. not once did she claw me! i was devastated when she died.

what i was doing 10 years ago.
aug, 1998... that was when the MICA bug bit me. it was around aug of '98 that i decided that that was where i'd do my post grad. i had no clue how i'd manage to get in. *i had a year and half to worry about that!* but i knew i would.
oh yes, i also stopped talking to a very good friend of mine around that time. due to silly misunderstandings... which took a couple of years to resolve.

TODAY
my first thought this morning: i'm going to canada. i had a dream last night that i was playing with a lynx that i found in my backyard in canada. so that was the thought i woke up with. and then, i watched safari tracks on telly.. which was covering... yeah... wild cats! :D

if i built a time capsule it would contain: people i really don't like. *i have a loooonnnngggg list* and i'd zap them back to the ice age. of course, i'd retain the controls with me. i, on the other hand, would reside happily in the present. and face the future as it comes!

TOMORROW
this year: is coming to an end. and i'm happy. i can only hope the next is better.

what i see myself doing 14 years from now: 14, really?? THAT far away!? i can't think of where i'll be next year this time!
i see myself tagging K3 with tags like these! :D
ok.. seriously... i see myself being happy with the lot life deals out to me.

i tag: sahana, suruchi, and suma! and i run away... before they hiSSS at me...!

random daftness

some people seem to believe that sharing information is unnecessary. esp if it's something the others can use.
the lady at the apartment office, for instance.
us: is the apartment furnished? or are we getting one of the unfurnished ones?
her: well, i can't tell you that as of now.
us: we need to shift in on sept 1. would the apartment be available then?
her: umm... i really can't say yet. u'll have to check.
us: where could we check? *hoping this would be available online*
her: you'll have to call me after a couple of days.

sigh! after all, it's no fun if there's no mystery in changing apartments, right?
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we'd called chilli's on saturday night. and i spoke to a rather enthu girl there.
her: hi, this is chilli's!!!!
me: heyy! we were wondering if it would be fine if we got there in another 20 minutes?
her: sure! welcome to chilli's!!! *yeah, rite!* would you like the address?
me: umm... no. thanks. but till what time are u guys open?
her: we're open till mid-night on the weekends!!
me: OKK. it's 45 past mid-night right now. are u sure we can still come by?
her: OH! no. then, i guess, we're closed for today.

really? then u GUESS?

why do i care!?

i am surprised.
this noon, i was chatting with this batch-mate of mine. we're not good friends or anything. but we know each other. and once a while, we chat up. and catch up on others he's in touch with or some that i'm in touch with.

today, he told me he'd returned to india in march after abt 3 years in malaysia. and i jokingly asked him... "planning to tie the knot is it?"
he said "no re. is that all you guys can think about?"

i told him i was kidding. we had the usual conversation and we said bye to each other. just now, when i logged back in and was snooping on random acquaintances' orkut profiles, i realized that the guy i was talking to got married in april.
a common friend who had attended the wedding has put up a pic of some batch-mates at the wedding.
and i was like WTF???

WHY would someone like him have to lie to ME about his wedding?!
last i knew, it was not a social stigma to get married!
it's definitely not worth keeping a secret from me. *or from anybody!*
then why did he hide the fact that he was married from me?! also, did he think i'd never find out...?
i know there's no reason why i should be thinking abt this. but i'm just mindfucked... and thought would ask u guys.

any reason why you would lie about ur marital status to a general acquaintance?

run away!

i may give awesome suggestions on how situations make us stronger, better individuals. how fighting things out is the right thing to do etc. and i believe all of that. really, i do. but when it comes to me. i just run.

i think i'm a coward. really. inadvertently, i have mostly taken the easier option out. it's not something i'm proud of. i'm just very non-confrontational. unless of course, u try and poke a stick at something that's dear to me. then, may ur lord save u.

but yeah, running away is the bestest solution that comes to my silly, stressed mind. however, strangely *in the sense that I find it strange*, this attitude is only limited to my personal life. professionally, i'm super aggressive. sometimes, more than required. suruchi can vouch that i can draw blood for a celina jaitley exclusive wallpaper; but personally, it has to be REAL personal. otherwise, i'll run away!

let me tell u a couple of instances... when running away was not and should not be the ideal solution. but it was. for me.

the other day when suruchi and i were bitching about our respective husbands... i told her she should run away. only then will he realize her worth. also told her how i'd run away last year and how the poor hubby THEN realized he does miss me.
see, it's very easy to get "used" to each other. being around all the time and stuff. so running away provides a good respite.

minal and i have a pact. that WHEN we run away from home, *not if, when. we know that someday, we will* we can always seek refuge in the others' house. and the other will not ask ANY questions. about why, how long etc. neither will we attempt to contact the respective husband and inform him that their wife is with us.

y'day... i saw this huge...and i mean, HUGE insect in my bathroom. my first instinct was not to squash it or scream. i RAN. OUT of the bathroom. and locked it. and sat and whimpered on the couch. THEN, i mailed vin. before i could call him, suruchi called me. and we had an entertaining conversation which i cannot share. but running away was my reflex.

long back, my folks wanted me to get married. i didn't sit across the table and argue/discuss with them. i ran away to bbay. where i could work in peace and didn't have to constantly have marital pressures on my head! returned when i wanted to get married. problem solved. nobody bursts a nerve.

the job scene. now, only i know how frustrating it has been. but when i think abt next year. the BEST solution in my mind is running away to another country. where we BOTH may be able to work peacefully. NOT that i could change streams and take up IT or i could go back to school. NAAAAHHH... running away. that's what i excel in!

R asked me what i'd do if i didn't get along with my MIL who's gonna be visiting us in less than a month. i answered with complete seriousness. "i'll run away"

right now, we don't know what to do over the weekend. and know that if we stay at home, one of us will kill the other. *i'm in one of those phases* so we're running away to houston. of course, we'll run away from there as well and be back here before u know i've been gone.

see? that's how serious i am about it.

perceptions may not be reality

on the karma post... sahana left me a comment saying she liked the post coz it was different from the usual & kind of said that i think too. suruchi said she couldn't take the articulate thinking from me! :D
i found both comments really honest and very cute.
they also reminded me of how i've always been perceived as rather daftish coz i seem to take my life very lightly. i don't get too worked up by minor irritants. i appear to be unfazed my major issues. i don't let anybody else ruin my day for me. i live in my own world. i smile endlessly. and well, on first glance, i do come across as very superficial or fake. coz nobody can be happy all the time.

but it's not like that. it's just that i am actually very reserved. despite this blog, despite that grin on my face. despite the fact that i smile when i want to cry at times. laughter is my defense. and so far, it works for me.
i do get affected by things. and when i'm genuinely affected, i don't rave and rant or talk. i retreat into my own comfort zone. lick my wounds. gather my thoughts. and re-appear when i can smile.

a friend of mine in post grad had once asked me if it doesn't bother me that people think i'm daft when i'm not. my answer to him still remains the same. why should someone else's perception of me bother me? why should i need to prove to someone that i can think? i don't need to. and i won't. i'm happy. in the fact that my inner circle of friends knows me for who i am. people who wish to know me get to know me. if i like them, they get to know me real well also. and maybe, they can someday, even call me a friend. but till then.. i don't care what they think of me. what does it say about a person if that person lives his/her life only so others can like him/her? i'd seriously rather not live than live like that. to please others.

yes, i've also been perceived to have a 'holier-than-thou' attitude. but i don't. it's just that i genuinely don't care what u think of me. i am indifferent to general opinions. i don't think that makes me better than u. maybe i am, maybe i'm not. but i am not affected by what someone who doesn't know me thinks about me. i AM affected if i care about the person writing me off. i'm human that way!

how often do we judge people by what we perceive them as rather than what they really are? how often have we seen someone laugh it off and said "must be daft to laugh in a time like that". or how often have we seen a single woman around 30 and thought "why's she single? must be some problem with her?" well, maybe that person has far more mettle than we know of. maybe they're way better than what we give them credit for. maybe there are problems beyond your understanding. maybe she doesn't want to get married! why should u care? it's okay to have opinions. but we also need to be open to the fact that our opinion may be incorrect. why write off or adore people till u know them well? and if u don't want to know them, it's okay. just try not to judge.

p.s.: edited to add: i'm not saying i'm not daft! :D

the tale of the chopped hair.

the last time i went down to india, i wanted a new look. no, not plastic surgery. can't afford. also, shrink is higher on order of priorities. but well, i considered what i could do so that V goes "oh my god! that's not my wife" when he sees me at the airport. and umm... i meant in a GOOD way. okay?

okay. so i decided i HAD to get a hair cut. hair cuts for me, are no laughing matter. i hate them. honestly. i HATE anyone touching my hair. so hair cuts are done only when absolutely mandatory! which means, when i'm looking like a mangy cat and someone points it out to me. nicely.

so.. i'd been considering a hair cut. AND a different look. given time constraints, i thought let me merge both. so i decided to try out a "new" stylist. recco'ed by a family friend. who, btw, has really nice hair. in my excitement, i forgot that she always had nice hair. and that using fructis extra strong doesn't really let ur hair pull out logs. and using pantene's frizz control doesn't really control frizz. sigh!
so i called and fixed up an appointment.

so i reached. so i was entered into the really swanky "styling room". and sat upon a chair facing the mirror. now, let me tell u... my hair may look messy... but it still looks nicer when it's longer. the shorter it gets, the unrulier it gets. and the worse it looks.
i was approached by this rather gay-looking guy with WEIRD hair. now, this should have been my cue, right? if he has bad hair... i should worry for my own. no? no. coz i LOVED his shoes. and was staring at them. till i heard him say "so what would u like?" while trying to gauge the thickness of my hair. see.. now, i'd be really disturbed if this guy was NOT gay. coz i can't imagine letting anyone touch my hair. let alone a MAN! i'm rather touchy abt that!

and i said: "it's been like this forever. i want something different. but not too short. coz then it grows vertically on top of my head."

he: hmm... u don't cut them regularly do u? btw, what color IS this?
me: no, i don't. it's a l'oreal red with deeper red highlights. i know, it's a little screwed. can u make them look nice with the same color?
he: sure. proceeding to tell me what he'd do with them. all this while, i'm focussed on his locket. VERY sexy, really. was a net butterfly on a thin silver chain. sounds eww.. but looked DAMN hot.
so, obviously, i've not heard a word of what he said. and i go "as long as u're sure it won't scrunch up afterwards. okay?"
"hmm", he says. and starts off snip snipping. after what seemed like 20 minutes... he said "wait. don't look" like i'd dare!
i'm usually VERY obedient when it comes to situations like these. dunno why. i treat docs, stylists, drivers, teachers with a lot more respect than they sometimes deserve. i find it impossible to be rude to cabbies also. maybe that's why they like me so...
tch.. i digress again.
so, i didn't look.
he dunked some stuff on my head. and then started drying them. after about 10 minutes, he says "look. wonderful. isn't it?"
and i look up. and see HIM smiling contentedly. and me, with straight, short hair. and i turn to him and say "yeah. but what if i wash them?" then, with tears in my eyes say "what will this look like when they go back to normal? what have u done?! how'd they become straight?"
and with zen-like calm, he says "just use extra conditioner. u'll be fine."
S.I.G.H.

if only, my friend. if only.

and so it was. 2 days later, i washed them. and they scrunched up. despite half a bottle of conditioner. and i HAD to tie them up. with everything possible. and then, JUST before i left, i got them ironed out. *which is another story for another day* and well.. i DID achieve the effect i wanted when i reached home.
i guess all's well that ends well.
BUT, i'm not going back there! E.V.E.R.

if anyone's interested. my hair's okay now. as okay as it ever is. and of course, i look the same. again. SIGH!

karma chameleon

how many of you believe in karma? do u really believe that what goes around, comes around?

a close friend's fiancee told him a week before their marriage that she didn't want to marry him because he wasn't as financially stable as she'd thought he was. also, she confessed that she'd been seeing her ex-boyfriend for the past 2 months. WHILE she was engaged to my friend. i told him i hate her... and i mean it. i DO hate her for making him go through the pain. i told him that karma was a bitch... and sooner or later, it would return to bite her in the ass for the way she treated him.

but i don't know. was she wrong? was she wrong in wanting financial stability more than love? was she ever in love with my friend? or did she leave her ex for this guy who was taken in by her and "seemed" to be well-to-do?
or was she just empowered? she knew her choices. she knew what she wanted in life and realized that she wouldn't get it with this guy. so she backed out of a commitment. instead of making both their lives hell.
which story holds true? where does karma fit in here? will she be hurt by someone else? will life not be good to her? is it wrong to place your own happiness over someone else's?

in fact, is there anything right or wrong. or is everything subjective? can we live our lives and pursue our happiness irrespective of how much we hurt people who care for us. is being ruthless the only way one can be truly happy? is that the price we pay for our happiness these days?

i know a guy who has endless strings of affairs *extra marital affairs* not because he needs to.. or because he's unhappy with his wife, but because he can. he says he's addicted to it. his wife is completely unaware of any of these. i don't know if the women he sleeps with know that he's married. for their sake, i can only hope they do.

there's this girl who doesn't want to let go of her ex-boyfriend tho she's married. she is okay with having an affair and being married. the only premise i can think for this is to have the cake and eat it too. she likes the sex with the ex boyfriend, but wants the lifestyle that her husband can provide her with. is this empowerment? being aware of what u want and how to get it...? no matter who u hurt in the process, as long as u're happy with the outcome. isn't there any sanctity left in the institution of marriage anymore?

there are countless examples i could give.. but this is a public space and i can't share those stories with u. but those stories disturb me. i know it's not for me to judge... and i don't. but they do make me think. we all always have our own reasons for doing what we do. and nobody else has the right to question those reasons.
but at times i feel i have managed to take this indifference too far. that i'm sitting on the fence once too often. that maybe, someday, i'll genuinely be confused and won't KNOW what is right or wrong for me anymore.

tomorrow, if a close friend of mine is cheating on his/her partner, will i support this friend? will i not tell them of what i think is right? will i continue being a karma chameleon...? changing my opinion of what's good and what's not depending on the situation and the person....? or will i tell them what I think is correct... and let them take the call. yeah, i think i'll do that. what would you do?

jazzin' up the big easy...

so, we're back! from the birthplace of jazz. the queen of the south. the hot-spot for mardi gras. the place with rich history, culture & absolutely superb food. the city of voodoo and vampires. and of course, the city which is now identified as the katrina-ravaged town. we lived in the heart of downtown... from where almost everything worth seeing was within walking distance. *except the swamps and plantations* and didn't really get down to seeing the destruction. but then, that i've seen on tv. so often, that i actually thought the whole town would look like that. i was SO surprised to see it that i absolutely fell in love with n'awlins...!

vin DID attend his conference... and that gave me some me-time. and the time to explore a bit on my own. so now, i've finally figured out a way to go on vacation alone, but with him.

plantations, rich in their history and tales... felt like taking a guided tour of scarlett o'hara's mansion.
the swamp was fascinating. the kind of place which makes one go absolutely silent. in awe. there are LOTS of swamps around the place! being in the middle of a live one felt like being in a movie. without the insects and anacondas! the alligators took me by surprise. totally. i've never been this close to alligators. and honestly, i didn't know that alligators, unlike crocodiles, are docile creatures who don't normally attack humans. yeah, before we went into the swamp... i was kind of expecting an alligator to chase the boat! :D no, that didn't happen! but we did get to see 'gators of all sizes and some gorgeous blue herons and egrets...
as is wont, we were a little lost on the way to the swamp. but by now, i've started enjoying the "journey" instead of focusing on the destination... so it was fun! to drive through quaint little towns... knowing that i'd never see them if we'd stuck to the route. to see how beautiful the houses were... how life was so much simpler there...

i'd heard that it's always mardi gras on bourbon street. and now i realize how true that is. if you're a non-drinker, bourbon street stinks. horribly. and it's LOUD. coz every bar has a live band performing. what u get to hear when u're out on the street is a mix... of pop jazz, creole, zydeco... and i don't know what other types of noises! but once u're drunk, it's all music. and it all sounds fab!
the streets of downtown are alive. they have a soul. and a story. the city's a beautiful mix of the old and new. the horse carriages look so stately on the backdrop of jackson square... it's like being transported back in time. i haven't felt this good since i left bbay. and i've never been to another place which has soul. or maybe, i never felt it. and yeah, if u ever go there.. .make sure u're at riverwalk around dusk... it's one of those sights which stays with u for a long long time... and i mean that positively. the town looks fantastic when the lights are just coming on...

and of course, the food. foodies that we are, we absolutely pigged out. there's food that originated here... so yeah, even the food has history! even thinking of all that yum food now is making me hungry. the crabmeat cheesecake we had was by far the bestest crab meat i've ever had! i finally got down to tasting an alligator to the list of animals i've tasted. that leaves me to try octopus. someday....

it's also the town for vampires, this one! it hosts the infamous halloween ball. which is attended by actual vampires. from all over the US. REAL vampires. people who ardently believe they are vampires. *and they call me cuckoo! yeah, right!* the tales of the supernatural that you get to hear here... they're unparallelled. they also have vampire & ghost sighting tours... i felt like i was in rural india when i heard those tales. the voodoo stores kind of psyched me out tho. i mean, the things they have there... it's amazing to know that people actually have faith in it. also, i'm too wary of it to challenge it by saying it doesn't exist. there's lots that i don't understand and/or have no explanations for... i shall add this to that list!

i don't know whether new orleans is actually that gorgeous... or was it just coz i had absolutely no expectations from the place that i loved it so. but yeah, love it i did! so much that i actually won't mind going back.

and oh yes... the ac's working. they got us a new one the day we left... so there! all's well here. how've u guys been...?

edited to add: pics are from the new orleans official site
dunno the photog.

an obituary. and a break.

there are those in life that we take for granted.
to an extent that we cannot even begin to imagine life without them. u've lived without them for over 25 years of your life... but now, suddenly... unknowingly... they become an integral part of your life. they make u feel comfortable... just knowing they're there takes the heat off most things in life... coming home to them feels GOOD!

but nothing's permanent, is it? one fine day.... which probably begins like any other day, they leave us. just like that. for no fault of yours. it takes us by surprise... there's shock... there's denial... and finally, there's acceptance. of the situation. of the fact that life goes on. with or without u.

our air conditioner died this evening.

and is sorely being missed.

in a joyful coincidence... we run off day after. to new orleans. any of u good folks there?? *serial killers, stalkers, psychos... pls excuse.* if yes, ping by my EoD tomorrow. ok? coz from day after till 24th, i shall not check mails, not be online and neither read nor write blogs. it's a vacation, u know?

see y'all folks! u take care.. be good and pray for my AC. may the compressor R.I.P. and may there be some relief in my life by the time we get back!

p.s.: the fox news weather guy just said it's a TAD cooler tonight. which means, it's 99! it's gonna be a long night. and not in a naughty/nice way. S.I.G.H.