what odds...?!

us stepping out of the theater after watching hunger games. 


vin: we should have seen another movie while we were inside. (since they don't check tickets once inside, and of course, we're aspiring to be cheap!)
me: I'll be hungry by the time the next movie ends. we don't want that, do we?
vin: no no!! we can't do that. you can't be hungry. ever! 
me: hahaha... our very own hunger games... may the odds be ever in your favor.
vin: what odds? there's only one person that dies there. same person. dies again, and again! very unfair. no games at all! 

need of the hour

every once in a while, i feel this urge. 

the urge to leave everything and run away. 

i've blogged before about how i love running away. escaping. re-inventing myself after said escape. finding the new me. 

it's been 3 years. will be 4 shortly. since i last escaped. 

i got so caught up in life, and routine that i didn't have the time to 'want' to escape. 

now, it's hitting me. like a wave hits the wall at the beach and dies... as foam. i need to escape. i need to run away. 

i need a change. 

i feel claustrophobic. and it has nothing to do with the stress of job hunting. 

i recognize this feeling. it's not stress. 

i'm beginning to feel settled, and it's unsettling me. 

i wish i knew how else to handle it, but i don't. 

some call it wanderlust. some, plain escaping. 

i don't care what it's called. 

i want it. 

i need it. 

...in sickness

It's a long weekend. some presidents' day or some such.

I knew what it was... but can't recollect right now.

and I have viral. of course.

I never fall ill on weekdays. my illnesses are workaholics as well.

but this time, i confess, i had to take a friday off. I couldn't get out of bed on Friday. I tried, of course; didn't work.

Now, I can. Get out of bed, that is. But I can't really talk. If I don't attempt to talk *yeah, THAT will work*, I'm perfectly fine. But if I do, then I begin to sound like a TB patient. *or rather, like what TB patients sound in Bollywood movies* So, now that I can't talk... I realized the benefits of this space. Where I can talk... as much as I wish. And I don't have to bother my throat to do it.

So, here I am... stuck at home... wondering... how is it, that a dangling string can keep a cat busy for hours... but a human can bore her in minutes... ? What does that say about the humans?!

so...

SO much has happened since i last stopped by here. (discounting, 3Ds birthday post, of course. )

so much has happened around me. to me. to my friends.

i didn't realize that 2011s as good as over.

i have one semester left of school. then what, i don't know.

i haven't been home since 2008. yeah. i don't know when i'll be back next.

friends that i live & die for have had kids, but haven't changed (thank heavens for that!). everybody's going through life... with its ups & downs. and i can't really 'be there-be there' for them.

i miss them. and i know they miss me. but there's precious little that can be done about it. so we all suck it up and continue. living.

the year's not been bad, now that i think of it.

i started working on-campus. i became financially independent (almost) again.

i met some amazing people. realized that every individual has the potential in them to be good. not all realize it. not all want to be good. but those who do, are worth the time & effort you can spare them. i don't know how long i'll know these people, but I'm learning to separate the gems from the riff-raff.

i didn't have time to think about whether i'm happy. and i guess that's why i've been mostly happy.

i don't think a lot of people come here anymore. which is fair, considering that i haven't been reading most blogs i used to. but i didn't want to let this space die. it's given me some wonderful friends. and i will always owe them to this space. and i can't let something that special die an abandoned death! so, i promise... i shall be here more often in 2012. i shall try and write rubbish and entertain the few that stop by. and i shall try and write sense, so that i can retain my own insanity.

happy birthday!

i know i've neglected this space for way too long.

but here i am. again. by special request.

on a very special day.

to wish someone super special, a fantastic birthday!!!

so, dear dewdropdreams... dewdette...3D... whatever it is that this virtual world calls you - wish you a magical birthday! and a super fantastic 2012. i really do wish i get to see you soon.

coz i miss you.

more than i miss this space.

more than i miss having time for myself.

more, maybe, than i miss bombay.

coz if you're here, it'll be home.

MUAH!

love you, child. now, and always! have fun! :)

p.s.: and to anybody else who stops by... wish you a fantastic 2012. i promise, i'll come by here more often. pucca promise, that! :)

justifying cheapness and abandoning children

commuter announcement this morning:
"this is the last stop. please remember to take all your belongings with you. that includes children. 'cos if you don't want them, we don't want them either."

------------------------------
me and vin discussing how some men are blatantly cheap.
me: they don't even look at your face... they constantly stare down at your cleavage. i feel like snapping and saying "here... up here. down there - they don't talk!"
vin: i think that explains why they stare. at least down there, nothing talks back!

------------------------------

while at the cafe with a colleague, i ran into this moron i happen to know from one of my classes.
he smiled at me, 'waved' at the colleague (whom, he does not know at all) and continued to smile till we left from there. (this happened on more than one occasion)
colleague: is... erm... do i know the guy? is he your friend?? WHY does he wave at me?
me: oh, lord no! you don't even need to know him. and NO, not my friend.
colleague: oh... umm... is he special needs?!

i wish the explanation was that easy. really.

time...

i missed my train this morning. so i had some 15 odd minutes to spare. i didn't have the touch with me, and i don't usually bring out my laptop at stations. so i sat down, contemplating how these missed 15 minutes would affect the pace of the rest of my day.

i love clocks. esp the ones at stations - the huge, old ones. with arms, not numbers on them. between my "how-can-i-make-up-for-lost-time" and "what-was-it-i-had-to-do" state of mind, my eyes were drawn to the clock that hung past the staircase at the station... and i realized the simple pleasure of having the time to notice an arm of the clock move a minute ahead. it was just a minute, but it seemed like such a great effort for the arm. so much movement, such little progress?

makes me wonder if that's what i'm doing. putting in so much effort, to move less than an inch?

just like that...

i love school. and i hate school.

with equal intensity. don't ask me how that's possible. it just is.

i miss my friends. a little more than i used to. and i still haven't made much of an effort to connect with them. i think i'm just a little too tired to reach out at the moment. and i hope they'll hang on. and be patient with me.

it's strange. how on some days, you want some friend to be there. not just any friend. you want 'a' particular friend on 'a' particular day for no particular reason.

when you start forging new friendships, you crave for the familiarity of the older ones. even while you're still trying to figure out how much you can rely on whom. and you realize that the traits you're looking for, the familiarity you're seeking, will never be found in another. that you have to get acquainted with people with a clean slate. a clear mind. no biases. because when you harbor biases prior to making friends, when you think "oh, that's so like XYZ..." you more often than not end up trying to be friends with the wrong people.

and it's so not worth the effort.

conversationally...

was reading up for an assignment... friend from school (and in the same class, too) calls...
F: what are you doing?"
me: reading 'issues with efficiency'
F: hahaa... you need to read that.
me: erm... YOU need to read that, too
F: what? why? I'm not efficient!!!

-------------------
after a really hectic week at school, I'd hardly had time to talk to vin. Friday, he was to drop me at the station. I wasn't sure what time I'd be returning... so didn't know how I'd let him know what time to pick me up.

me: you don't have network in office... how will I tell you when I'm leaving?
vin with a totally dazed expression on his face...
"please don't leave me?"