just like that...

i love school. and i hate school.

with equal intensity. don't ask me how that's possible. it just is.

i miss my friends. a little more than i used to. and i still haven't made much of an effort to connect with them. i think i'm just a little too tired to reach out at the moment. and i hope they'll hang on. and be patient with me.

it's strange. how on some days, you want some friend to be there. not just any friend. you want 'a' particular friend on 'a' particular day for no particular reason.

when you start forging new friendships, you crave for the familiarity of the older ones. even while you're still trying to figure out how much you can rely on whom. and you realize that the traits you're looking for, the familiarity you're seeking, will never be found in another. that you have to get acquainted with people with a clean slate. a clear mind. no biases. because when you harbor biases prior to making friends, when you think "oh, that's so like XYZ..." you more often than not end up trying to be friends with the wrong people.

and it's so not worth the effort.

of labels... and choices...

of all labels i detest, that of a 'housewife' is without doubt the one i loathe most.

i have my own issues with being called a housewife. tho, technically, that's wot i've been for the past 10 months.
i can confess to being ANYTHING, but not a housewife. i revel in the fact that i'm sloppy, i have a life of my own even though i don't work, i hate housework and i cudn't cook. i actually take pride in the fact that i learnt to cook only coz i had nothing else to do. i know. i'm strange. but if u read this blog, u already know that!
"housewife" reminds me of a 'once-upon-a-time' good fren of mine. she gave up her job, started attending kitty parties *that's a very desi phenomenon!* and became a regular at beauty salons *for wot, i cud never tell!* to add to the list of her miseries *as i saw it*, she stopped being in touch with ANY of her old frenz. esp. male. her entire life revolved around her hubby and HIS life. did i mention, she even stopped wearing sleeveless Ts, capris and all other outfits which she wore till a DAY before her gala wedding? *reason being, "they're too indecent" WHAT THE F%*#?!*
her behavior put me off to an extent that i can say i have a phobia of being called a housewife. i can even stop associating with people who call me one. no matter how much i like them. it's that serious. i also used to view desperate housewives while i was still single. that COULD explain the phobia as well! but it doesn't give me a solution! and as usual, i'm digressing! or am i?

why, do u ask, am i so scared of being labeled NOW? after almost 10 months? because NOW, i'm in danger of being labeled one! initially i was "taking a break", then i was "looking for employment". now, i'm plain 'stay-at-home'. in other words - yeah, rite! a desperate housewife! GEEZ!

i have been seeking avenues to avoid this labeling, tho. i had two options. one - find a job. two - go back to school. the state of the US work visa ruled out option one for me. in desperation, i even considered jobs which wouldn't require a visa *like pole-dancing or bartending* but V vehemently refused to let me try those out. also, i realized that (a.) u need to be in shape and (b.) liking ur drink didn't qualify you to be a bartender. DAMN!

that leaves me with option two. my mental block about d GRE *and studying* was d reason why i had ruled out option two. but now that desperation seems to be setting in, the choice seems to be between 'back-to-school' or 'desperate housewife'. and MY choice is clear now. crystal.

so, bring on the GRE!