my aunt was here last week. and we were gossiping about some of my frenz she knew when i was in college. now, most of those were dating each other back then. eventually, they broke up, dated other people... and then married someone completely different. not all. but most of the ones i'm still in touch with.
so my answer to most of my aunt's "did X marry Y?" or "are F & G still together?" were... "umm... NO".
at the end of this quiz session... my aunt's words of wisdom:
"your entire generation is non-stick! everything from ur cooking pots to ur relationships. you people are just too scared to let anything stick. wonder what has gone wrong where...!"
my take on this...? my cooking pots may be non-stick. but r'ships... well, i intend to stick with this one!
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
May 2, 2008
Apr 7, 2008
head or heart...?
some things happening to some people around me recently, have made me think... how sacred is the bond of "engagement?"
what happens if someone gets engaged to one person and a few months later realizes that he/she is in love with someone else?
is it legitimate for the engaged person to go ahead with the one they "think" they are in "love" with? or should he/she stand by the commitment they've already made?
strange as it may sound, such scenarios do exist. and they seem to be becoming rather common-place of late. or maybe, people're just a lot more public about their private lives now.
wotever the case, when i spoke to V, he seemed to believe that an "engagement" is not very different from a marriage. it's a decision u make. to be together. and as an adult, u are responsible to stand by your own decision and face the consequences. whether u like them or not.
initially, i agreed with him. but after i thought about it - i am, however, in two minds on this one.
i agree that it is a commitment. but i'm not sure what the person who's engaged & then fallen for someone else should do.
as for now, i think he/she has two choices:
a. stick to the commitment they've already made.
b. follow the heart. but first, pls be sure that this is THE one!
there are a lot of trains of thought regarding this one. i've often heard the "u can't trust someone who's going for the better option". bcoz someday, there is going to be a better version of you? and the person can always move on from you to the better version?
well, yeah. understand.
but, does it really make sense to spend the rest of your life with someone you are not in love with?
are relationships really this complicated or do we make them to be so?
i'm really happy i didn't have to take any such decisions! coz honestly, i have no clue what i'd have done!
what happens if someone gets engaged to one person and a few months later realizes that he/she is in love with someone else?
is it legitimate for the engaged person to go ahead with the one they "think" they are in "love" with? or should he/she stand by the commitment they've already made?
strange as it may sound, such scenarios do exist. and they seem to be becoming rather common-place of late. or maybe, people're just a lot more public about their private lives now.
wotever the case, when i spoke to V, he seemed to believe that an "engagement" is not very different from a marriage. it's a decision u make. to be together. and as an adult, u are responsible to stand by your own decision and face the consequences. whether u like them or not.
initially, i agreed with him. but after i thought about it - i am, however, in two minds on this one.
i agree that it is a commitment. but i'm not sure what the person who's engaged & then fallen for someone else should do.
as for now, i think he/she has two choices:
a. stick to the commitment they've already made.
b. follow the heart. but first, pls be sure that this is THE one!
there are a lot of trains of thought regarding this one. i've often heard the "u can't trust someone who's going for the better option". bcoz someday, there is going to be a better version of you? and the person can always move on from you to the better version?
well, yeah. understand.
but, does it really make sense to spend the rest of your life with someone you are not in love with?
are relationships really this complicated or do we make them to be so?
i'm really happy i didn't have to take any such decisions! coz honestly, i have no clue what i'd have done!
Mar 18, 2008
r'ship bluz...
*edited to add: title has been changed bcoz i had a prev post with the same title.
here's a true story i promised to publish for a friend.
*disclaimer: X & Y are real individuals. their names will not be mentioned coz they're both happily married. not to each other. if u know who i'm talking about, pls stay mum about it. we do not wish to discuss them publicly. this ideally, shouldn't be blogged about. but i thought it would help a friend. and i hope it does.*
so, once upon a time... there was a gurl X. and there was a boy Y. they had a lot in common. including their disdain for relationships, flings and people. they had both been in relationships as well as had flings prior to meeting each other. they both wore their "happy to be single" badges rather proudly.
what started as routine acquaintance, soon turned into friendly, harmless flirting. neither took it seriously. Y was known to flirt with all women. X, also enjoyed flirting. she thought it added some spice to friendship.
Y, at this stage was regularly meeting other gurls. for matrimonial purposes. he used to discuss these meetings with X and they used to laugh over them. he started liking X. he thought she was everything a woman should be. she was smart, intelligent, independent, funny, knew how to handle relationships, attitude and life. they did have a lot in common.
then, one fine day, X met Y for coffee and told him how a "friend" of hers had told her he liked her. and she was upset about it because she thought he was a good friend. she also told him how she felt about people not being able to control their feelings and ruining perfectly good friendships. Y agreed with everything she said. and argued for the point, even louder.
the truth was, X liked Y too. she thought he was a simple, down-to-earth guy who made her laugh. and she'd have liked to give this r'ship a shot. but she did not know that he liked her. and she wasn't the kind of girl who'd ever tell a guy that she liked him. also, she didn't want to risk losing him as a friend merely to give the r'ship a shot!
they both believed that they were too old to "fall madly in love" anymore. they'd seen enough of life. and believed that life was all about taking a decision and not looking back.
they decided to let things take their own course.
gradually, unknown to each other, they both started liking each other quite a bit. all their friends knew. the friends thought that these two had confessed their liking to each other. but these two, kept quiet. hoping the other person liked them, but not wanting to say it. they even laughed at how their friends kept talking of them as a "couple".
this went on for almost a year. by this time, both knew they liked the other. and both refused to let the other know. they both kept going out of their way for the other. thinking that these were signs to the other. but they were so alike... neither of them saw the signs. and if they did, they refused to believe in them.
then one fine day, X told Y that she was meeting someone her parents wanted her to. for matrimonial purposes. Y, in his usual nonchalant manner said "go ahead. have fun." that did it for X. she went ahead and agreed to the nuptials believing that Y didn't care for her beyond friendship. tired of waiting for him to realize he liked her, she went ahead and got engaged. Y was quite heartbroken. and confessed to X - two days after her engagement - that he liked her. that he had always liked her. but hadn't known how to tell her. and now, he couldn't pretend to be happy for her.
but life isn't a hindi movie. X told him that she had waited for almost a year to hear that. and now that she did, it was too late. she had taken her decision. and they should move on.
today, they're no longer friends. i don't know if they miss each other. i don't know if they are happy with their respective partners. but i do believe that all of this could have been avoided if they had been honest about how they felt towards each other. they MAY have been happily married - TO each other. or they may have decided to go separate ways. but i guess they'll never know.
moral of the story *this is ONLY for the friend i wrote this for*: if u like someone, make sure u tell that person. LOUD. and CLEAR. leaving no room for doubt. because once u like a person, u can't be "just friends" with them! someone's heart is bound to be broken.
here's a true story i promised to publish for a friend.
*disclaimer: X & Y are real individuals. their names will not be mentioned coz they're both happily married. not to each other. if u know who i'm talking about, pls stay mum about it. we do not wish to discuss them publicly. this ideally, shouldn't be blogged about. but i thought it would help a friend. and i hope it does.*
so, once upon a time... there was a gurl X. and there was a boy Y. they had a lot in common. including their disdain for relationships, flings and people. they had both been in relationships as well as had flings prior to meeting each other. they both wore their "happy to be single" badges rather proudly.
what started as routine acquaintance, soon turned into friendly, harmless flirting. neither took it seriously. Y was known to flirt with all women. X, also enjoyed flirting. she thought it added some spice to friendship.
Y, at this stage was regularly meeting other gurls. for matrimonial purposes. he used to discuss these meetings with X and they used to laugh over them. he started liking X. he thought she was everything a woman should be. she was smart, intelligent, independent, funny, knew how to handle relationships, attitude and life. they did have a lot in common.
then, one fine day, X met Y for coffee and told him how a "friend" of hers had told her he liked her. and she was upset about it because she thought he was a good friend. she also told him how she felt about people not being able to control their feelings and ruining perfectly good friendships. Y agreed with everything she said. and argued for the point, even louder.
the truth was, X liked Y too. she thought he was a simple, down-to-earth guy who made her laugh. and she'd have liked to give this r'ship a shot. but she did not know that he liked her. and she wasn't the kind of girl who'd ever tell a guy that she liked him. also, she didn't want to risk losing him as a friend merely to give the r'ship a shot!
they both believed that they were too old to "fall madly in love" anymore. they'd seen enough of life. and believed that life was all about taking a decision and not looking back.
they decided to let things take their own course.
gradually, unknown to each other, they both started liking each other quite a bit. all their friends knew. the friends thought that these two had confessed their liking to each other. but these two, kept quiet. hoping the other person liked them, but not wanting to say it. they even laughed at how their friends kept talking of them as a "couple".
this went on for almost a year. by this time, both knew they liked the other. and both refused to let the other know. they both kept going out of their way for the other. thinking that these were signs to the other. but they were so alike... neither of them saw the signs. and if they did, they refused to believe in them.
then one fine day, X told Y that she was meeting someone her parents wanted her to. for matrimonial purposes. Y, in his usual nonchalant manner said "go ahead. have fun." that did it for X. she went ahead and agreed to the nuptials believing that Y didn't care for her beyond friendship. tired of waiting for him to realize he liked her, she went ahead and got engaged. Y was quite heartbroken. and confessed to X - two days after her engagement - that he liked her. that he had always liked her. but hadn't known how to tell her. and now, he couldn't pretend to be happy for her.
but life isn't a hindi movie. X told him that she had waited for almost a year to hear that. and now that she did, it was too late. she had taken her decision. and they should move on.
today, they're no longer friends. i don't know if they miss each other. i don't know if they are happy with their respective partners. but i do believe that all of this could have been avoided if they had been honest about how they felt towards each other. they MAY have been happily married - TO each other. or they may have decided to go separate ways. but i guess they'll never know.
moral of the story *this is ONLY for the friend i wrote this for*: if u like someone, make sure u tell that person. LOUD. and CLEAR. leaving no room for doubt. because once u like a person, u can't be "just friends" with them! someone's heart is bound to be broken.
May 16, 2007
life is simple.
a close fren of mine recently asked me "why did u marry V?"
and he set me thinking. i don't know. why does anybody marry anybody?
i gave him the usual gyaan that i give almost anybody who asks me for any gyaan on the topic. but i know. i hadn't used any theory. i hadn't made a bullet-point list of pro's and con's when it came to V. he asked me if i'd marry him. and i said yes. i didn't even realize that this was the first and probably, last time that any man would ask me to marry him. i didn't get butterflies in my stomach while i said yes. i don't think i even realized what i'd committed to till we were actually exchanging rings. after that, it was too late to think, wasn't it?! so i didn't think of it after that.
i'm not a very mushy, emotional woman. i know where my heart is on most days. and this non-thinking, going with the moment works for me. i seldom think about what i'm going to do. i'm impulsive. and so far, it's helped.
i wasn't "madly in love" with him, then. in fact, i wasn't "madly in love" with anyone. coz i didn't believe in being "madly in love". *conceptual issues!* it was a very filmy emotion for me. restricted to the crappy movies i keep watching. 'love' to me is a mix of compatibility, attraction, moments of passion and more than all, the WILL to commit the rest of your life to ONE significant other. *that's another topic for another day...*
his *my frenz, not V's* bone of contention was "how d'u know u won't come across someone better after u've taken the step and gotten married?" well, dear... i don't. nobody can predict the future. but for me, marriage was not about fairy tale romance. it was about waking up to face the same person every day. consistently. it was not about feeling the alleged "thrill" of being in love daily. it was about being with someone who loves me enough to want me for the rest of his life. it was about knowing that he'll be there for me IF & WHEN i were to fall.
and now i know, it's about hugging ur hubby voluntarily when he comes home...tired & smelling like chicken feed. *THIS is entirely situational. and does NOT happen daily, mind u!*
life is simple. until we complicate it with our thought processes. it's not about "finding" someone better than u have. it's about making a choice. and not looking back.
and he set me thinking. i don't know. why does anybody marry anybody?
i gave him the usual gyaan that i give almost anybody who asks me for any gyaan on the topic. but i know. i hadn't used any theory. i hadn't made a bullet-point list of pro's and con's when it came to V. he asked me if i'd marry him. and i said yes. i didn't even realize that this was the first and probably, last time that any man would ask me to marry him. i didn't get butterflies in my stomach while i said yes. i don't think i even realized what i'd committed to till we were actually exchanging rings. after that, it was too late to think, wasn't it?! so i didn't think of it after that.
i'm not a very mushy, emotional woman. i know where my heart is on most days. and this non-thinking, going with the moment works for me. i seldom think about what i'm going to do. i'm impulsive. and so far, it's helped.
i wasn't "madly in love" with him, then. in fact, i wasn't "madly in love" with anyone. coz i didn't believe in being "madly in love". *conceptual issues!* it was a very filmy emotion for me. restricted to the crappy movies i keep watching. 'love' to me is a mix of compatibility, attraction, moments of passion and more than all, the WILL to commit the rest of your life to ONE significant other. *that's another topic for another day...*
his *my frenz, not V's* bone of contention was "how d'u know u won't come across someone better after u've taken the step and gotten married?" well, dear... i don't. nobody can predict the future. but for me, marriage was not about fairy tale romance. it was about waking up to face the same person every day. consistently. it was not about feeling the alleged "thrill" of being in love daily. it was about being with someone who loves me enough to want me for the rest of his life. it was about knowing that he'll be there for me IF & WHEN i were to fall.
and now i know, it's about hugging ur hubby voluntarily when he comes home...tired & smelling like chicken feed. *THIS is entirely situational. and does NOT happen daily, mind u!*
life is simple. until we complicate it with our thought processes. it's not about "finding" someone better than u have. it's about making a choice. and not looking back.
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