flying bluez...

wanted to do this post soon as i got back. actually, i want to do this EACH time i fly to & fro... but never got down to it. so today, i shall finally do this.

there are some things i'd like to say to random ppl who happen to be on my flight(s) or around me at the airport.

:: please do not sit right NEXT to me. esp when half the lounge is empty. even if u're an indian/pakistani/middle eastern woman traveling alone. i am not here to give u company. i don't mind talking. but heyy, u can sit two seats away and chat me up too, u know.

:: PLEASE do not scream into ur mobile phones. the world and it's aunt doesn't need to know what u're saying. even if it's an international call. even if it's a business call. even if u're talking to britney spears. which i don't think it is. unless u're asking ur client/agency/britney spears to "check behind the couch if u left the keys there?" seriously. u're not gonna need the keys till u're back, u know.

:: plz refrain from asking me if i'm middle eastern or mexican. no, i don't mind being middle eastern or mexican but i don't think it's a nice way of opening a conversation. how about "so where are u from?" or "traveling to paris/b'bay?" see? nicer?

:: i don't speak espanol. except for hola. so when u start talking to me animatedly in espanol, and i look at u and say..."sorry. english?" it means i'm not mexican. not that i'm a rude mexican bitch who's trying to avoid u. i'm sorry about the hair color... but seriously. u need to meet more indians.

:: if u're a firang *read american/european or any other white/black/colored male*, please don't say "that's such a beautiful name." it's corny. and no, it's not getting u brownie points! vain i may be, but even i know that u haven't really got the name.

:: pls do not wear so much gold jewelery that it sets off the bloody beeps during security. carry the bloody thing in ur bag if u must! wear it when u land. and how is it that i end up standing 2-3 persons behind u? ALWAYS? sigh!

:: u KNOW u have to take off ur blastid footwear at the airport for screening. could u not wear knee high boots? with or without softball socks? u take an eternity to get off those things!

:: keep ur hand baggage AWAY from me. just bcoz i look friendly doesn't mean u can knock ur blastid bags into my ass/knees or place them on my feet! and if u do so, don't expect me to smile at u. not even if u're a greek god!

:: will u pls pick ur infant from the screening tray?? ppl like me keep their shoes in it. unless u don't care about germs and want to screen the baby.

:: pls restrain urself from exploring each others' vocal cords in a check-in line. i don't care what u do as long as u don't hold me up!

:: no, i will not look after ur child while u go shop at duty free. what if u're trying to get rid of the kid, eh?! what if the kid starts crying? what if it accuses me of kidnapping it??? and HOW can u ask a stranger to "watch" after ur child while u shop?????

:: the bus/train is free. but that doesn't mean it's a first-come-first serve basis. plz don't behave like these are the bombay locals.

:: PLZ buy those travel-pack deos? and toothpastes. plz? i know u can't carry much on a flight, but if u know u stink plz do a favor on humanity. it's worth it.

:: 6 inch stilletos?? on a 22 hour flight? really?! with skin fit jeans and an excuse for a tee? i understand that this might be your first trip to india *by overhearing conversations between u & ur folks* and i love the fact that u're trendy. and yeah, those heels are nice. but seriously, u're gonna be SO uncomfortable.. u won't even be able to say "beauty hurts" by the time u land.

:: u there! applying 24 kilos of duty-free purchased make-up on ur face... yeah u?! can u not hog two mirrors and the entire sink. i need to brush my teeth and catch my next flight. besides, this is not ur personal spa. it's a public washroom!? also, plz... go light on the make-up, will ya? u're scaring me.

:: the luggage carousel doesn't throw away ur bags if u don't get to them first, u know? the bags come back. and back. till u claim ur piece of junk. and PLZ... if i'm standing there. with a cart. DO NOT try to jump in front of it. i simply gnash the cart into ur shins. i don't think u like that.

:: it really won't hurt u - u wannabe hulk - to help me lift that 22 kg bag off the carousel. instead of waiting for me to 'make eyes' at u and say plz. i am nicer when u volunteer. i may even say thanks and/or bye to u.